


Soldier Soldier

by Darlingheart



Series: Soldier Soldier [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternative Universe - Our Girl, Angst, Army, F/F, F/M, M/M, Mentions of Terrorism, Minor Character Death, soldier!Clarke, soldier!bellamy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-28
Updated: 2018-03-09
Packaged: 2019-02-23 03:16:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 73,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13181220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darlingheart/pseuds/Darlingheart
Summary: Bellamy and Clarke are both in the US Army, which makes dating tricky... but not impossible, until life gets in the way.Modern AU inspired by the BBC show Our Girl.





	1. How It Begins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bellamy and Clarke are both in the US Army, which makes dating tricky... but not impossible, until life gets in the way.
> 
> Modern AU inspired by the BBC show Our Girl.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is heavily inspired by the BBC show Our Girl – Georgie/Elvis era – but you don't need to have seen that to understand this. If you have seen that then some of this will be familiar, but not the same.
> 
> I have zero knowledge of the American military, in fact my only knowledge of the military is of the British Airforce... so, please suspend disbelief. I've tried thanks to books/google to get the main details right, but if I've got something distractingly wrong, or you know about the US Army, then please let me know in the comments and I'll change things where possible.
> 
> A/N: This is very sweary, mostly because military, but also because of who I am as a person...

 

 

It is raining in New York. Full on end of the world, apocalyptic rain. Clarke has taken shelter in a doorway but she’s already completely soaked.

So much for getting all my jobs done before tonight, she thinks, taking another look at the grey skies and the fat raindrops pounding down on the pavement.

She considers her options.

1\. Attempt to get a cab, highly unlikely in this weather, go home and change.

2\. Accept the fact she is already wet through and walk the twenty minutes home to change.

She is debating these choices when the door she’s leaning on opens and she practically falls backwards landing against a very pretty brunette who is scowling.

“We don’t open for another half hour but I’m taking pity on you.”

Clarke rights herself and sees that the doorway she was sheltering in is actually the entrance to a cute little bar.

“Has anyone ever told you you’re an angel” Clarke smiles.

“Not recently.” The brunette smirks. “Don’t get too excited, I can’t serve you booze for another 30 minutes.”

“How about a coffee?”

“Coffee I can do…” she leaves the sentence hanging.

“Clarke. And you are?”

“Gina.”

The coffee turns into another coffee, which into a glass of wine, which turns into some food and a glass of wine and before Clarke realises it, it’s almost five pm and she’s been chatting with Gina all afternoon. They were flirting for a bit too, after all it’s Clarke’s last weekend in the city before she gets deployed on Monday, she wouldn’t mind a bit of harmless fun, but Gina mentions a boyfriend so Clarke dials the flirting back. She’s not in the mood to be the other woman.

Clarke has been at the bar for a good couple of hours, and a good amount of wine too when she notices the man standing next to her. He’s leaning on the bar waiting to get a drink and he is handsome. Brown hair, brown eyes and she would have to be blind to not notice that he's filling out his t-shirt incredibly well.

She shuffles along on her stool slightly to make more room for him and is rewarded with a smile as he acknowledges what she’s done.

“Hey Gina,” he says with familiarity when the barmaid comes over, “just two beers please.”

“Bellamy, haven’t seen you in a while. Where have you been this time?”

“Spain.” He says without hesitation.

Clarke doesn’t know why, because it’s not like she knows him, but she’s almost certain he’s lying.

“Oh how wonderful, I love Spain. Which part?” Clarke interrupts.

“Barcelona.” He says smiling at her.

Again the answer is quick but she doesn’t quite buy it.

“Oh my favourite. So much history, and the food.”

“Yeah.” His eyes are twinkling at her response and she wants to keep talking to him but Gina brings the beers over.

He hands over the money, and a decent tip, smiles again at Clarke then heads back over to join his friend.

“You know him?” Clarke asks Gina when he’s gone.

There was something about the way he held himself and they way he’d walked back over to his friend – yes, Clarke had been watching him, he’s hot – that reminded Clarke of the military men she knew. Nothing overt, just signals that if you’ve been around them all your life you pick up on.

“Yeah, Bellamy. Travel writer. Cute isn’t he.”

“Uh, yeah.” Clarke says thrown at the travel writer part.

“I hooked up with him once a couple of years ago but it never went anywhere. He’s not very available because of his job, always jetting off somewhere.”

The conversation is cut short because Gina needs to go and serve someone else but Clarke can’t stop thinking about the man. It’s partly because he’s attractive but there’s something else, a bit of mystery. After all, she muses idly, she’s pretty sure travel writers have notice before they head off on trips.

She’s on her way back from the bathroom half an hour later when she bumps into him, literally. He is walking towards the bar and she is stepping around someone in front of her when she collides into his shoulder.

“Shit, sorry.”

“It’s ok. It was barely a nudge.” He smiles, “heading back to your ivory stool at the bar?”

“Huh?”

“You know the princess in the ivory tower surveying all she owns.”

She scoffs, “Not quite. More like hiding from the rain and now propping up the bar.”

“It stopped raining hours ago.”

“Hence the bar propping up. It’s important work.” She says a smirk belying her serious tone.

“Clearly.”

“Anyway my work here is done,” she says as they reach the bar, and her jacket that she’d left on the stool, “I’m heading home.”

“Really, I was going to offer to buy you a drink.” He says smiling.

“I don’t wanna crash your date.”

“That?” He asks pointing to his friend. “That’s not a date, that’s Miller.”

“Oh in that case…” she replies sarcastically.

Laughing, “I mean he’s just a friend, we work together. Not dating. So you wouldn’t be crashing.”

She thinks for a moment, technically she does need to go home. Her day has been a total wash and she leaves on Sunday. But then again, she won’t get the chance to let her hair down like this for a while, so…

“Just a drink?” she smiles.

“Just a drink.”

“I’m Clarke.”

“Bellamy.”

She joins Bellamy and Miller for that drink, they’re fun guys although she is now 100% certain that Bellamy is not a travel writer and Miller is not a photographer who he works with. For one she’s never met two creatives who are quite so muscular. But she’s having too much fun to care, besides she told them she was an art teacher moving to Vermont on Sunday, so it’s not like she’s telling the truth.

When she makes her excuses to leave, Bellamy offers to walk her, and Miller conveniently slips off to talk to someone else.

“I’ll be fine it’s super close, and not raining anymore.”

“I know, but as it’s not raining the walk might be nice. Plus I know it’s not the 90s anymore, but New York can still be rough.”

She rolls her eyes, “I can take care of myself Bellamy.”

“I don’t doubt that. But if you’re moving to Vermont…” he trails the sentence for just a second, “well then this is one of your last nights in the big city.”

“So I should make it count?” she asks looking at him, his eyes dancing in the low light of the bar.

“You really should.” She’s not sure if he intentionally said it in a deep husky way that is making her think very inappropriate thoughts or if it was just a coincidence but it works.

“OK. Lets go.” She says grabbing his hand and walking out of the bar.

They drop hands as they’re walking, although they keep finding excuses to brush up against each other. And when it starts raining again ten blocks from her place she doesn’t hesitate to pull him into a doorway with her for shelter. There’s a split second where he looks at her before he’s reaching down to kiss her. She meets him back in a frenzy and then they are both just a mixture of wild kisses and grabbing hands. Barely stopping long enough to get back to her place.

Once inside her apartment the pace picks up again, hands and mouths exploring everywhere as they move towards her bed, and she’s suddenly on her back naked arching up for him.

Clarke doesn’t have a lot of one-night stands, but when it’s over she thinks if they were all as good as Bellamy, she probably would. She breaks her own rule and falls asleep, waking up when she rolls over into him a few hours later.

“Ugh,” she says half asleep hitting her face into his very sculpted chest.

“Just what every man wants to hear,” he chuckles low and quiet.

“No, not you. Just I’m sleepy and on the wrong side. I sleep on the other side and it confused me for a second. Scoot over.”

Clarke throws her leg over his, intending to just simply move to other side, but she forgot the only thing she was wearing was the underwear she’d grabbed after they’d finished early. And she forgot he was only wearing boxers. When his hands hold onto her hips to help steady her and he looks up at her, eyes darkening with lust, she forgets that she was tired and on the wrong side and instead rolls her hips into his and leans forward to kiss him.

“Still sleepy?” he growls, reaching his hand into her hair pulling her down to him ready to go again.

She responds with a kiss.

When she wakes again the morning light is starting to peek through the curtains, and she sees him pulling on a jacket and heading for the door. She pretends to be asleep, not wanting the awkward “great fuck, but now we won’t see each other again” conversation. She waits until he’s out of her apartment to open her eyes and looks up at the ceiling. As a last hurrah before heading out to active duty, Clarke thinks that Bellamy was an excellent choice.

She thinks about him on and off for the rest of the weekend, remembering not just the sex, although it was amazing, but also how he made her laugh and was interesting to talk to. She thinks it’s a good thing she was going away otherwise she could’ve have fallen for him and that would be bad. Bellamy seems like the kind of guy that breaks hearts.

She stops thinking about him on Monday as they arrive at the airfield. This is her first overseas mission as a medic and she wants everyone to know she’s there because she’s good, not because she is, was, General Griffin’s daughter.

As they line up for inspection she recognises some of the other cadets from the academy and training and is glad to see a few friendly faces. They are joking around as they board the military transport plane that will take them to the Middle East.

When Sergeant Major Kane steps aboard they all quieten down.

“Right, I know we were meant to be taking off at 0900 but there has been a slight change of plan. Some guys are going to hitch a ride with us, so shuffle up.”

The soldier next to her turns to Clarke and says, “wonder what that’s about?”

Clarke is about to respond when she hears a vaguely familiar laugh, “oh fuck,” she mutters to herself hoping she’s wrong.

But when Miller steps onto the plane, followed by a large black man who is built like a tree trunk, Clarke knows her instincts are right.

He’s the last one on the plane but Miller has already spotted her, doing a double take so comical she’d almost laughed, so there’s no hiding. Instead she squares her shoulder and stares straight at the plane entrance.

He sees her as soon as he gets on the plane. She doesn’t have her helmet on yet so she’s definitely recognisable. He takes in the uniform, the rank and her name on her left breast and smirks. He takes a seat opposite her, next to Miller who gives her a small nod, while another scary looking man next to them just arches one brow in question.

For her part she takes in the Green Beret that means Special Forces and wants to cry. Her dad was Special Forces. It will take Bellamy about thirty seconds to put it all together and then her lack of special treatment will be over before it began.

So much for a one night stand.

 

The journey was long and uncomfortable, not made better by the inquisitive smirk she kept seeing every time she looked up and caught Bellamy’s eye. Clarke managed to avoid him during their stop to refuel talking to a couple of the other soldiers. Unfortunately all most of them wanted to talk about was why Special Forces were hitching a ride.

When they finally land and the cargo doors open a wave of heat hits and envelopes the plane. Clarke rises, stretching with everyone else. She hesitates, pretending to fiddle with something on her bag – the Special Forces guys, including Bellamy, got off the plane first and she wants to put as much distance between her and them as possible.

Pulling her pack on her back, putting on her helmet and hitching back her shoulders Clarke climbs down out of the plane.

She barely has time to take in the organised chaos in front of her before she hears:  
“Interesting location for an art teacher, where’s your school?” at her ear and whirls round to see Bellamy standing casually smirking at her.

“You wouldn’t know the school, it’s next to fictional travel magazine headquarters.” she bites back, not stopping her stride.

He laughs coming into line with her, “I write and I travel, so technically…” he tails off, smirk still firmly in place.

“And I draw.” She shrugs.

He looks like he wants to say something else, his eyes flickering down to her name but luckily, or not, she’s called away by Sergeant Major Kane.

“To be continued.” He says with a wink sauntering over to the tent the rest of his team are in. She can feel their eyes on her as she walks off but she ignores it.

Her only thought is to make sure Bellamy doesn’t say anything about the other night, it’s bad enough being a Griffin, if she’s also known as the girl that that fucked the Special Forces guy, she might as well pack her bags now.

 

The day is busy, unloading the gear, setting up the tents. There’s a routine to the army that Clarke cherishes, she likes order, understands it. Busy is also good because it means she can avoid Bellamy. Or in reality he can disappear off with the rest of his team and she can try not to think about him.

She’s tired but exhilarated by the time food is ready. Clarke lines up behind Murphy – he was one of the cadets training with her, an asshole when he found out her last name and then once she proved herself he became less of an asshole and more of a jerk. She’d be offended but thinks that’s how he is with everyone he likes.

“It’s so fucking unfair,” he moans grabbing a tray and handing her one, “I became a soldier to get the girls, but how can you compete with Special-fucking-forces.”

He gestures with his tray to where Bellamy and his team are sitting and Clarke has to admit, they do make an attractive group. There’s Miller very handsome and looking amused at the guy next to him. The man next to Miller - a white guy with sandy brown hair is smirking, also handsome. There’s a black guy who is built like a fort and has a shaved head, not smirking but still handsome. Then there’s Bellamy.

“You realise there are like three women here.” Clarke says turning her back to Bellamy and the other guys and focusing intently on the food.

“It’s the principal of the thing.” He huffs.

Clarke laughs and follows him over to a table with some of the rest of her squadron. Unfortunately her seat puts Bellamy directly in her eye line. Something he notices if his sarcastic wave is anything to go by.

“You know those guys?” Jasper Jordan asks her, his mouth full of potatoes.

Clarke wills herself not to blush and says evenly, “I don’t know them but I’m the medic Jordan – everyone knows me.”

“Oh yeah, course.” He says and then carries on with his meal.

It’s a testament to the training, and camaraderie she’s found with these men that Murphy’s sardonic, “yeah that’s why” doesn’t even bother her. She just glares at him without real heat.

She feels another of her battalion, Monty Green, looking at her curiously. He is in comms, and would have more reason that her to know everyone, but Monty knows about her dad. Everyone in her battalion does, it’s not exactly a secret.

But she also knows Monty is fiercely intelligent and she doesn’t really want to be known as that girl, even if she thinks he wouldn’t judge her.

So she changes the subject:

“Ok, we’ve been here 10 hours. First impressions?”

“Sandy.” Murphy smirks.

“Hot.” Monty adds.

“Dry.” Jasper says.

“Sandy, hot, dry… the name of Murphy’s sex tape.” Clarke quips.

“Fuck you Griffin.” He grouches over the laughter of the others.

Clarke is laughing with everyone, but still trying to work out a way to talk to Bellamy. She considers going after him when his unit stands and walks out but running after him, as only one a few women there, would definitely grab attention.

In the end it’s Sergeant Major Kane that provides the solution. He comes by their table when they’re all done eating.

“Griffin, would you be able to stop by the Special Forces tent before 2200 tonight. I’d like you to check their med supplies.”

“Sergeant.” She responds nodding an affirmative.

He nods in response and walks off, discussion over.

“He always makes me feel like I’m in trouble, even when I’m not.” Jasper says letting out a huge sigh.

“He is a Major in the US Army, he’s meant to be scary.” Monty says reasonably.

They all stand and grab their trays, dumping them in the makeshift kitchen on the way out.

They’re all walking towards the rec tent when Clarke starts to walk off in the direction of the med tent.

“Where are you going?” Monty asks.

“It’s 2022.” Clarke says looking at her watch, her dad’s watch, “I might as well get Kane’s request over with, fuck knows what their med kit is like.”

“Fair.” Jasper replies as he and Monty walk off.

“See, SF… getting all the girls already.” Murphy laughs.

Clarke tries not to blush and instead rolls her eyes and says nonchalantly, “hardly,” before throwing a wave over her shoulder and making her way over to the med tent.

She grabs her backpack and steps out of the tent, trying to ignore the squirming feeling in her stomach.

She eventually finds their quarters – stopping to ask someone first – and walks over. Hoping that they’re expecting her.

The white guy notices her first.

“Ahh medic, to what do we owe the honour.”

Clarke refrains from rolling her eyes, but only just.

“Sergeant Major Kane asked me to check over your kit.”

“Did he now.” The white guy says suggestively.

Clarke is close enough to the tent now that she can see all of them. Miller is crouching down, checking through equipment boxes. The other black guy is standing with the white guy and Bellamy, who is lounging on a chair, all of them looking at some documents on the table.

Bellamy looks like he wants to say something but she interrupts first, she does not need him drawing more attention to their, whatever it was.

“He did, but if you’d prefer I leave you with insufficient med supplies, I’m sure the rest of your unit won’t mind letting you be the one without treatment if something goes wrong.” She says sweetly.

That gets a laugh from all of them, except the white guy who just smirks at her.

“Hmm, in that case. Come on in medic.”

She does roll her eyes then, but goes in.

“Ignore Roan, he was raised by wolves.” The black guy – not Miller – says.

“So medic, do you have a name?” Bellamy says teasingly and Clarke sends a prayer of thanks to any gods above that he doesn’t just call her by her actual name.

“Private Griffin. Clarke Griffin.” She says it confidently, but her eyes refuse to linger on any of them.

She waits for the inevitable comment. There is always a comment.

“Your dad was a hell of a soldier.” It’s the white guy, Roan, who breaks the silence.

She looks up then and all of them are looking at her with a mixture of awe and sadness. There’s none of the scorn or judgement she usually gets.

“Damn straight.” Miller says.

“Do I get your names or is it special need-to-know basis.” Clarke says with a smile, trying to break the sad mood that’s settled in the tent.

“Usually need to know, but since you’re hot and blonde,” Roan starts as Clarke glares at him, “and a Griffin. We can make an exception.”

Bellamy stands and cuffs Roan on the back of the head none-to-lightly, “I’d say he’s not normally like that, but he is.”

“Still the only guy you want at your six Blake and you know it.” Roan smiles.

“I’m Sergeant Lincoln Firwood.” The black guy tells her, “That is Sergeant Miller – Nate.”

She looks at Miller who gives her the tiniest of winks and a nod.

“I’m Sergeant Roan Glazer, the hero of the story.” Roan leers with a tease.

“Grimm’s fairytales I presume.” Clarke shoots back. There’s a second when she thinks she’s gone too far, he is a senior officer after all and all of them are now staring at her, eyes narrowed.

“I…” she starts but her apology is drowned out by them all laughing.

“Oh I like this one. She can stay.” Roan laughs.

“And this,” Miller says coming over and slinging an arm around Bellamy’s shoulders, “Is Staff Sergeant Bellamy Blake.”

She ignores Millers smirk, and given the way that Bellamy shrugs his arm off she’s sure he’s heard a comment or two about her since they got on the plane.

“Nice to meet you all.” She smiles, “Now where’s your kit.”

Outwardly she’s trying to play it cool, but inside it is safe to say she is freaking out. She knew Bellamy would be more senior than her once she saw him in the SF Uniform but she did not think he’d be the fucking Staff Sergeant and therefore responsible for all the men on his unit.

She knows it’s messed up that it suddenly makes him more attractive to her, but that’s something she is not going to think about right now.

Clakre restocks the kit quietly, which was actually running really low, and when she’s done she stands and says:  
“Ok, you’re all good.”

They chorus their thanks.

“Look, I know it’s none of my business and that you all outrank me and that you’re all trained for this…” Clarke starts.

All of them are looking at her with various looks of scepticism and amusement on their faces.

“Go on.” Bellamy says tone teasing, a smirk playing on his lips.

“Well, uh…” she falters. Was she really going to give them advice, her, a Private on her first tour.

“If you just restock your med kit when you return, it won’t be in such bad shape and then the people that care about you won’t have to worry every time you go out.”

Worrying that she’s given too much of herself away, she adds with a huff, “Plus it just makes organisational sense and I wouldn’t have to restock my med kit after restocking your med kit.”

“Fucking hell, I bet you actually bleed army colours.” Roan says.

Clarke rolls her eyes but she doesn’t think she’s going to get in trouble.

“We were in a slight, uhh, hurry, this time.” Lincoln explains, “Normally I’m on it. I promise.”

“Thing is, now we know you do such a good job, we might just ask you to do it every time we return.” Miller says lazily.

“Feels like I walked into that.” Clarke says smiling at him, “But you know you can literally tell me to and I have to. That’s how the hierarchy of the U.S Army works.”

“Yeah, but where’s the fun in that, Princess.” Bellamy smirks.

“Princess?”

“Yeah, you’re practically military royalty.”

Clarke rolls her eyes as the others laugh.

“Do you need anything else Staff Sergeant Blake?” Clarke asks.

Bellamy looks at the rest of him team who all shake their head.

“Nah, we’re all good. But I need to talk to Kane so I’ll walk you out.”

Clarke doesn’t know if he really does need to talk to Kane but if she gets chance to talk to him, alone, then she’s thankful.

After saying her goodbyes to everyone she walks out, Bellamy behind her.

They haven’t gone far, just out of the eye-line of the tents, when Bellamy grabs Clarke gently by the arm and pushes her behind a Rover.

It’s pitch dark but she doesn’t feel scared as he crowds his body close to hers and says, voice low, “I did not think I had a thing for soldier girls, but fuck Clarke.”

He leans down to kiss her, hungry and desperate and she lets herself be caught up in it, by him, for a moment kissing him back. Her hand tangling in the hair at the nape of his neck, before her mind catches up to the reality and breaks the kiss, pulling back as much as she can from him.

“Bellamy,” she says pushing on his chest lightly, when he leans in again, “Stop, we can’t.”

“Why? There’s no one around.” He smiles breathily.

“Look, it can’t happen ok. The other night was a one time thing.” She says her tone firm.

He steps back from her then, a flicker of something genuine crosses his face but is gone before she can work out what it was. Replaced instead by a cold smirk.

“Oh I see. I’m fine for a one-night fuck, before you go on tour, when you think I’m a writer. What is it princess? Too good for soldiers.”

“No. I mean yes, but no.”

“That clears things up.” He says, cold.

Clarke wants to make him understand, not just because he’s fucking hot and the sex was great but because she liked the version of him she met at the bar, and the version with his unit and she thinks that they could be friends, of sorts.

“No Bellamy it’s not like that. Yeah, I did think that before I knew I’d see you again but now, it’s not that I don’t want it but it’s different for me.”

He looks confused but less pissed off so she carries on.

“Half the people here think I’m only here because of my name. The other half, think I’m filling some quota because I’m a woman. If they found out I was hooking up with the hot Special Forces guy can you imagine what they’d think?” she tries exasperated.

“You think I’m hot.” He teases but his expression has softened.

“Oh shut up you know you are. Your entire unit is like something out of central casting for a sexy CW show about Green Berets.”

He laughs, but then softens again. Reaching out to tuck a piece of hair back into her braid.

“I get it. I don’t like that it’s different for women, but I get it.”

“Thank you Bellamy. And without sounding like a sappy romantic comedy, it’s not you.”

“Yeah, yeah. Damn shame though, the other night was fun.” He smirks.

She matches his smirk, “it was indeed. One question though – where were your tags?” she says fingering the hint of chain she can see around his neck, “you definitely weren’t wearing them.”

“Put them in my pocket. Women tend to get a bit funny if they see them, too clingy or assume I’ll be clingy. It’s just easier to lie.”

“You know that sounds bad right?” she laughs.

“I do. But I assume you don’t care because this sure as hell isn’t a class room and you also weren’t wearing your tags.”

“Touché” she smiles.

“Clarke," he says after a beat, "if you really mean it about not hooking up again, you’re going to have to stop doing that.” His voice is gravelly, and his hand comes up to rest on top of hers.

She hadn’t even realised she was still playing with the chain of his tags, her fingers tracing the line between the chain and his skin.

“Sorry.” She says, slipping her hand out from under his.

“Fuck. Good job we’re deploying out tonight, or being around you would be trouble.” He huffs, taking another step back from her.

“Where are you going?” she asks.

“You know I can’t answer that.” He smiles.

“Oh, yeah, sorry. When will you be back?”

At his smirk she says, “yeah, yeah I know. When the job is done.”

She said the final part in a deep voice and he laughs.

“Was that supposed to be me?”

“Nope. It’s just my generic man voice.”

“Thanks, I’m flattered.” He laughs rolling his eyes.

“But it’s true.”

“It is. Plus we’re not even technically meant to be here, so I don’t know if we’ll be posted back when the job is done.”

She nods.

“I should get back.” She tells him, grabbing her kit from where it had fallen on the floor and hoisting it on her shoulders.

She takes a couple of steps away before turning back and grabbing his wrist,

“Bellamy?”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t die.” She says seriously, squeezing his wrist.

He twists his hand to take hers and links their fingers squeezing gently then letting go.

“Anything for you Princess.” He says lightly, but his eyes are serious and she nods at him before walking off back to her tent.

When she wakes in the morning, Bellamy and his team have already left.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is a little different for me... less angsty (for now), but I hope you're intrigued. Let me know what you think!


	2. Just Friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your comments and kudos on chapter one, it's great to know people are interested. This one borrows less from Our Girl, because I needed to set up the back story, but hopefully you'll all still enjoy!
> 
> Once again my knowledge of the Army, and indeed medicine, is either book, tv, or internet based, so I apologise in advance for any errors.

Clarke worries about Bellamy and his unit in an abstract way, the way she worries about any of her friends in the military. But her work distracts her too much to worry and she reminds herself whenever she has a minute that, no news is good news.

The time keeps going and one morning Clarke realises they’ve been out there for a month now. She’s in a routine, going out of patrols with the rest of her squadron, playing cards with the others, reading or bickering with Murphy in evening. She checks her emails once a week in the rec tent. She could check more but roaming charges are no joke.

It’s Sunday evening and finally starting to cool down, when Clarke gets the first message.

 

 **[From: Bellamy.Blake@usaarmy.mil]**  
**[To: Clarke.Griffin@usaarmy.mil]**

_Subject: Aren’t we good_

Clarke tries to ignore the jolt in her stomach at the sight of the email in her inbox but she can’t help the small smile that plays on her lips.

It’s a smile that turns into a full-blown grin and huff of laughter when she opens the email and sees a picture of a Roan, Bellamy, Lincoln and Miller all crowded into the frame around a complete and tidy med kit.

There is one line of text.

_I know you won’t believe me but Lincoln actually told me to send this, and it was Miller’s idea to all be in the photo. He said you wouldn’t trust us otherwise._

Clarke laughs and opens a message to respond.

 

 **[From: Clarke.Griffin@usaarmy.mil]**  
**[To: Bellamy.Blake@usaarmy.mil]**

_Subject: re: Aren’t we good_

_I am so proud of you all. Well done on doing your jobs…_

There’s around ten hours time difference between her and the East Coast where she assumes Bellamy is based so she doesn’t expect a response. She emails her mom, Wells. Opens facebook mostly to see what friends are doing, she doesn’t really post just checks in. She reads a few articles catching up with the world in general and tries not to look at the icon by her emails. She’s unsuccessful though and so, she notices the little (1) pop up instantly. Telling herself to not get excited Clarke clicks the tab.

 

 **[From: Bellamy.Blake@usaarmy.mil]**  
**[To: Clarke.Griffin@usaarmy.mil]**

_Subject: re: Aren’t we good_

_I can actually feel you rolling your eyes at us in the last message. I am impressed your disdain can travel the distance._

_P.s. I kept my promise and didn’t die… aren’t I good._

 

Clarke laughs, although the comment about him dying made her realise how much she does not want that to happen. She hits reply without even pausing.

 **[From: Clarke.Griffin@usaarmy.mil]**  
**[To: Bellamy.Blake@usaarmy.mil]**

_Subject: re: Aren’t we good_

_Why are you awake? Isn’t it like super early??_

_Also, I was not rolling my eyes, was genuinely impressed… mostly._

_I don’t remember you promising but v glad you made it. I know you can’t tell me anything but I’m glad it went ok and if it didn’t I’m sure you did your best._

 

The reply comes almost instantly. 

 **[From: Bellamy.Blake@usaarmy.mil]**  
**[To: Clarke.Griffin@usaarmy.mil]**

_Subject: re: Aren’t we good_

_Why do you know what time it is where I am? Where do you think I am? Also for reference it’s 5am here… We do early drills._

_I like that you covered all angles in that response and no, I can’t tell you anything as you damn well know._

_How’s life on base without me. Still hot, sandy and generally godless!?_

 

 **[From: Clarke.Griffin@usaarmy.mil]**  
**[To: Bellamy.Blake@usaarmy.mil]**

_Subject: re: Aren’t we good_

_I grew up around this shit Bellamy, I have a pretty good guess of where you are based. (I was rolling my eyes that time fwiw)_

_Also, you were on base with me for less than 12 hours, you made no difference to my time here. So deflate your ego._

_But yes, still hot, sandy and generally godless. Murphy keeps trying to turn poker nights into strip poker but only when I don’t play, I’m not sure if I’m offended or strangely touched._

 

 **[From: Bellamy.Blake@usaarmy.mil]**  
**[To: Clarke.Griffin@usaarmy.mil]**

_Subject: re: Aren’t we good_

_I don’t know who Murphy is but, don’t play strip poker with him or let him strangely touch you._

_In fact, life advice – don’t play strip poker with anyone on an army base. The odds are not in your favour._

 

 **[From: Clarke.Griffin@usaarmy.mil]**  
**[To: Bellamy.Blake@usaarmy.mil]**

_Subject: re: Aren’t we good_

_Did you just quote Hunger Games!!?_

_Don’t worry my virtue is intact - no strip anything happening here._

 

 **[From: Bellamy.Blake@usaarmy.mil]**  
**[To: Clarke.Griffin@usaarmy.mil]**

_Subject: re: Aren’t we good_

_Yes._

_And, good don’t let a bunch of GI’s see you naked._

 

Clarke doesn’t get chance to respond. Her allocated rest time is almost up and she has other things she needs to do.

She spends the whole evening smiling randomly, something that does not go un-noticed by the observant assholes that make up the rest of her unit.

They all ask, but she refuses to say anything more than she just had a nice email from a friend. Murphy asks if that’s a euphemism for an orgasm, which Clarke snorts at, but the rest of them just leave it. There are another five months of the tour – a message from a friend is to be cherished.

 

Clarke even wakes up in a good mood, which is unusual, mornings are not her thing, but it doesn’t last. She had been planning to email Bellamy but her day goes from bad to worse and all thoughts of anything other than work fly out of her brain.

The bad day turns out to be a marker for the week, the next ten days in fact, which are hard and shitty. A sandstorm takes out their comms, a Rover hits an IED – no one is seriously injured but it scares them – it’s the first big incident since they got there, and then to finish the week a sickness bug comes through camp rendering half of them basically immobile.

Clarke has never worked harder or been more exhausted. Not even when she was in basic training.

It’s almost two weeks later when she gets chance to look at her emails. She’s hoping, rather than expecting something from Bellamy, but is surprised to see four messages. The first one a few hours after his last message.

 

 **[From: Bellamy.Blake@usaarmy.mil]**  
**[To: Clarke.Griffin@usaarmy.mil]**

_Subject: re: Aren’t we good_

_Hmm, you didn’t reply is that because I was talking about not wanting a bunch of G.I’s to see you naked?_

_I stand by that._

 

About two hours after that he's sent another message.

 **[From: Bellamy.Blake@usaarmy.mil]**  
**[To: Clarke.Griffin@usaarmy.mil]**

_Subject: re: Aren’t we good_

_Ok, now I feel bad. I know we have a strictly ‘friends only’ rule and I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, sorry Princess._

_Yell at me if I overstep, I can take it…_

 

The next message comes about two days after the IED incident.

 **[From: Bellamy.Blake@usaarmy.mil]**  
**[To: Clarke.Griffin@usaarmy.mil]**

_Subject: All ok?_

_Heard about the IED. I wasn’t checking up on you, I just know people. Are you ok?_

 

The last message was from two hours ago.

 **[From: Bellamy.Blake@usaarmy.mil]**  
**[To: Clarke.Griffin@usaarmy.mil]**

_Subject: ?_

_Ok, but seriously Princess, are you ok?_

 

Clarke reads them all, smiling to herself. Clarke knows the friend rule was a good one, but she can’t help the way she feels seeing the messages and knowing that he cares about her. Ok, sure it might not be in a romantic way – although he didn’t want her getting naked with other guys – but it is still something.

 **[From: Clarke.Griffin@usaarmy.mil]**  
**[To: Bellamy.Blake@usaarmy.mil]**

_Subject: re: ?_

_I am ok. Honestly._

_Although this last week has been fucking rough – remind me why I followed my dad into the military and not my mom into medicine._

_I knew it wouldn’t be just patrols and hanging around playing poker but I wasn’t ready for the fact that when shit hits it really hits. We had a sandstorm, lost comms, a sickness bug in camp and the IED. On top of all the other normal day to day stuff._

_But, in a weird way we’re all better for it. We’ve bonded and not just because Kane gave us some rec time last night and Monty Green brought out some moonshine that he’d adapted from a local recipe. I didn’t indulge too much, don’t worry, but let me tell you young guys away from home have a tendency to get very naked when they drink moonshine. I only looked for blackmail purposes, I promise._

_Besides you didn’t say they couldn’t get naked, just me… which will make showering tricky fyi!_

_But, seriously Bellamy thanks for checking in._

_Cx_

 

Clarke briefly wonders if she’s gone too far with the naked comments but presses send anyway, too tired to overthink for a change. But before she has too much time to worry, or do anything other than open up a tab for the NY Times a reply has appeared in her inbox.

 **[From: Bellamy.Blake@usaarmy.mil]**  
**[To: Clarke.Griffin@usaarmy.mil]**

_Subject: re: ?_

_Oh thank fuck. I’m normally the one in war zones, not at home – doing paperwork btw, excellent use of my highly trained time. According to Miller I am too much of a mother hen to be the one left behind._

_Sorry your week sucked, welcome to the US Army. As for following in your dad’s footsteps, not your mom’s… I hate to point this out but you’re kind of doing both, medicine and army. What kind of overachieving asshole are you?!_

_Things definitely get worse before they get better and now you’ve done that you’ll be a better unit, trust me. We had a mission once, no I can’t tell you, so don’t even ask – that was a shitshow from start to finish. But when we got back the four of us realised it made us stronger, better together._

_I am going to ignore the naked part because, a) I do not want to think about a bunch of Privates privates and b) I am trying not to think about you showering because I don’t want to be a perv but also friends…_

_Bx_

 

By the time Clarke has finished reading the message there is another one in her inbox.

 **[From: Bellamy.Blake@usaarmy.mil]**  
**[To: Clarke.Griffin@usaarmy.mil]**

_Subject: re: ?_

_Now realise that telling you I’m not trying to be a perv, is inherently pervy. Sorry. Might surprise you to know I don’t actually have a lot of friends, and definitely not pen pals. Or email pals._

 

She laughs at that and composes her reply:

 **[From: Clarke.Griffin@usaarmy.mil]**  
**[To: Bellamy.Blake@usaarmy.mil]**

_Subject: re: ?_

_I am SHOCKED that you don’t have lots of friends… nah, but seriously I’m guessing your friends are basically Roan, Miller and Lincoln, which is hot but pathetic._

_Consider me friend number four! Congrats, you can now fill a small family car. Although considering how stacked you lot are, maybe don’t._

_The whole waiting for the phone to ring, or in this case email to arrive, sucks. It sucked for my mom with my dad and me with military friends, so don’t worry I get it._

_But because I am actually busy doing real Army work, unlike you SF boys who swoop in get all the credit and then just write reports, I can’t check in all the time._

_How about this though – here’s my number. If you’re worried, text. I’ll see that before I see an email and I can reply and say not dead. Or you know, if dead, I won’t reply._

_Cx_

 

 **[From: Bellamy.Blake@usaarmy.mil]**  
**[To: Clarke.Griffin@usaarmy.mil]**

_Subject: re: ?_

_I am ignoring your barb about my lack of friends and instead focusing on the fact you think we’re hot (obvs, I’m the hottest, no need to confirm or deny)._

_I like the text plan. But don’t die._

_Bx_

 

Clarke is about to reply when her phone beeps:

 **Unknown number:** Seriously, don’t die.

She smiles and adds his number to her phone.

 **Clarke:** I’ll try my best

 **Bellamy:** No trying, just don’t.  
I didn’t and you don’t want to lose out to me.

 **Clarke:** Yeah, that would suck.  
Ok no dying.

 **Bellamy:** Deal.  
Night princess, it’s like 1am here and I need to get my rest.

 **Clarke:** For a busy day of paperwork?

 **Bellamy:** fuck you  
Night x

 **Clarke:** Night x

 

*

 

The next time Clarke sees Bellamy it’s the final month of her tour. They have been emailing every week, texting occasionally too. They haven’t put a label on it, but it’s not just friends staying in touch and it’s more than just flirtation too.

She knows she should think about what it is. After all they’ll both be back in USA soon, still in different places probably, but closer than they are now. But she doesn’t know what to think. She likes him but they’re both soldiers, people would look at her differently and she’s worked so hard to get where she is.

Clarke is trying to push all Bellamy related thoughts out of her head by rolling bandages, a crappy but necessary job. She’s sitting in the mouth of the med tent when she sees Kane stalk across the campsite towards the comms tent.

He looks stressed. She thinks about going after him but if there’s one thing the last five months have taught her it’s not to stick her nose in other army business. If they need her they’ll come and get her.

Murphy has made his way over to her while Kane is inside the comms tent.

“Something’s going down.” He says.

“Looks that way, yeah.”

“I was doing weapons check when Kane got a call on the Sat phone, swore and then went straight to comms.”

Clarke looks up at him when he says that, raising an eyebrow. Kane notoriously does not swear – it’s one of his things. Even Clarke, who has known him most of her life knows has only heard him swear twice.

Sterling sticks his head out of the comms tent and looks around before spotting Murphy and Clarke.

“Griffin, Murphy – here now!”

They don’t hesitate, both jogging over to the comms tent and following Sterling inside. The tent is a whirl of quiet activity. Kane is speaking commands down a Sat phone occasionally pausing and writing things down for Monty who is tapping away on a keyboard with two screens in front of him. Clarke recognises one as sat imagery of a village but she’s not sure where.

Kane finishes his phone call and turns to Clarke and Murphy.

“There’s been an incident in the village not far from here. American nationals involved in an extraction that ran into difficulties. Murphy – get the team together I want a truck and Rover. Armed and ready.”

“Yes Sergeant.” Murphy says nodding and running out of the tent.

“Griffin, a medic needs to go with them but I want you to have a second ready here with everything set up.”

“Are there casualties?” she asks.

“We believe so but we can’t yet patch through to them to find out how many or how serious yet, but Green is working on it.”

Clarke nods her assent leaving with a “Sergeant.”

Then she’s running back to the med tent. Clarke is the only actual field medic on base and she has two local women assisting as nurses. She explains the situation to the nurses as she grabs and checks her kit. They will stay and get everything ready in case they need to bring any casualties back.

Clarke sees Monroe as she’s heading to the Rover. Monroe was on night watch so she won’t be going but she has basic training, so Clarke briefs her in case they need an extra pair of hands.

She is almost level with the Rover when she sees Monty gesturing from the edge of the field tent and runs over.

“Look Clarke, we just got comms up. You need to know… it’s Bellamy’s unit that went in for the extraction.”

Clarke gapes at Monty but before she can say anything he’s being called back into the tent and Murphy is yelling at her to get into the rover.

Clarke gets into the Rover and listens to the briefing from Staff Sergeant Indra Trekru. The village is 15 miles away but on these roads it’s about a 30 minute drive.

The whole way over Clarke repeats, ‘don’t die’ like a mantra. She goes over her kit again, checks her hands are steady – they are – and that she has enough water, her gun and a flashlight.

Everyone in the Rover is in their own world, alert and on notice of the others but, getting focused. She can see Murphy muttering under his breath, she now knows its batting averages of the Red Sox. She used to think he was praying. When she told him this once he laughed and said it was a form of prayer.

Jasper is tying and untying the strap on his helmet. He doesn’t even realise he’s doing it but she knows better than to stop anyone’s routine.

“Right. Eyes ahead.” Indra shouts suddenly.

“The building the extraction was taking place in is in the North West corner of the village. It’s direction we’re approaching in, so we’re going to go on foot from here.”

“Griffin, stay in the rover with Rhys.”

“Sarg, no!” Clarke shouts as the rest of them are all getting out. “If there are serious casualties I need to be able to assess on site.”

It’s true, but she also can’t stand waiting. Knowing that Bellamy, and his team, are hurt or in danger.

Before Indra can argue back she starts climbing out of the rover saying:  
“I’m an extra pair of eyes, I’ll stay back. And it might make the difference between life and death.”

Indra narrows her eyes but nods. Then turns to the rest of the team giving orders. They creep towards the town, hidden by shrub land.

Clarke can see smoke rising in the air ahead of them, and can hear gunfire.  
The radio crackles on Indra’s shoulder.

“Right, Griffin. They’ve got multiple casualties, two in the basement, head there once we secure the perimeter.”

She nods.

Clarke feels as though everything is going on around her. She hears the gunfire, Murphy’s shout of sniper as she ducks for cover. She follows Jasper towards the building.

She waits, counting in her head around her mantra. She can physically hear the gunfire lessen, feels the pressure around her rise. They’ve secured the building. It’s on her to save lives now.

She waits until she gets the nod from Indra. Then she’s heading to the building. Murphy is ahead of her, Jasper on her right and Dax on her left. They’ll make sure that it’s clear for her to get in and work.

“28th have entered the building.” Murphy says on the radio, with medic, “All signs acknowledge and call for assist.”

“This is Ark. We have two down. Send the medic to the basement now.”

Clarke doesn’t recognise the voice, she thinks it might be Lincoln, but she doesn’t care. Her feet are moving before she’s even registered the instruction.

The second she hears the all clear Clarke enters the room. Her eyes sweep the surroundings. Two people are on the floor, one in uniform, one not.

The one not in uniform is half buried under rubble that two soldiers are clearing, the other one on the floor is being attended to by a soldier. Clarke takes this all in in seconds.

At the noise of the new people entering the soldiers already there look up and that’s when Clarke sees him. Bellamy. He’s with Roan clearing rubble away.

Their eyes lock for a split second, she knows hers must show relief but his show worry.

“What have we got?”

“Two GSW. Rubble from a partial collapse trapped the civ before we could get her out. Blake and Glazer are working on it now.” Lincoln tells her, he’s leaning over Miller applying pressure to a wound that is heavily bleeding near his abdomen.

“Griffin, nice of you to join us.” Miller croaks.

“Yeah, yeah. Save your bitching for when we’re out of here.” She teases her calm tone hiding the racing of her heart.

Clarke makes a split second decision. She looks at Lincoln who nods.

She goes over to Bellamy and Roan.

“What happened?” She says kneeling down trying to get close to the woman under the rubble.

“GSW. It was a through and through but before we could treat her the wall came down.” Bellamy answers.

“Hello, I’m Clarke. Can you hear me?” Clarke says leaning over the woman checking her pulse.

“She’s breathing but unconscious.” She tells them. She does a few more checks as best she can with all the rubble around them.

“I need this rubble cleared.” She says to the room. “Jasper, radio up and tell them we need two stretchers.”

“Is it safe for more people to come down?” She asks Bellamy.

“Yeah a couple more.”

“Let them know.” She tells Jasper. She turns to tell Murphy to help with rubble clearance but he’s already doing it.

She goes over to Miller.

“The bullet hit on the lower right side, near the abdomen. Don’t think it hit anything major.” Lincoln tells her.

“No offence man, but I’d prefer the medics opinion.” Miller quips.

“Well you’re clearly fine.” She says rolling her eyes, as she examines him.

The room fills up with more people.

“We need to get them out of here.” Indra says after conferring with Bellamy.

“Agreed.” Clarke says standing and going over to them, “But I’m worried about moving Miller, the bullet is still in there.”

“You can’t operate in here, Griffin.” Indra tells her roughly.

Clarke’s argument is cut off by a groan from the side of the room and Roan shouting her name.

She moves quickly over to the woman who is now cleared from rubble and semi-conscious.

“My name is Clarke Griffin, the medic. What’s your name?”

“Reyes.” The woman croaks.

“Ok Reyes, lie still. You’re in good hands I promise.”

Clarke checks her over again now that she can actually see all of her. It’s not good but she keeps her face neutral.

“I’m going to give you something for the pain.”

She gives her a light dose of morphine. Once she’s finished checking her over she says: “Murphy keep talking to her.”

She then walks back to the center of the room closer to the door to talk to Indra and Bellamy – the two most senior officers.

“The bullet wound is the least of her problems,” Clarke starts quietly, “her pelvis his fractured. And the top of her right leg is crushed.”

“Shit.”

“She needs to be medevac’d out of here asap.”

Indra nods, “we have choppers waiting for us at base.”

“Ok. Get her loaded on a stretcher.” Bellamy says to Roan.

“Gently!” Clarke adds, “I’m not happy moving Miller. Let me try and get to the bullet.”

“We don’t have time Griffin. We are in a hostile zone. The quicker we get out of here the better.” Indra replies not even waiting for Clarke’s response.

“Will he be ok to travel?” Bellamy asks her.

“It’s not ideal.”

“Nothing ever is.” Bellamy replies.

They manage to get the two of them loaded into separate vehicles. Reyes is in a more critical state so Clarke goes in with her. They split among the vehicles. Roan is with her, Indra and Dax.

Bellamy is in the other rover with Miller and Lincoln. Jasper and Murphy are in that one too.

They’re almost at base when Bellamy’s voice comes over the radio.

“All units. We need the medic.”

She doesn’t know Bellamy’s voice that well yet but she knows what it sounds like when someone is pretending everything is fine.

“We’re ten out from base.” Indra replies, “we can’t stop here.”

“Goddamit. He’s not breathing! We need Griffin.”

Dax has opened the door for her, and has jumped out with her providing cover before the rover has even come to a complete stop.

She runs round and sees Miller with Lincoln leaning over him checking vitals.

“He started talking gibberish and struggling to breath.” Lincoln says.

Clarke checks Miller over, getting her stethoscope out and listening to his abdomen and chest.

“Shit, fluid on the right lung. The bullet must have moved and nicked it.”

“Miller, listen to me. I’m going to fix this but you need to stay with me ok.”

Clarke knows what she needs to do but she’s also never done it before and certainly never thought she’d be doing it in the field.

“Can you save him?” Jasper asks quietly.

“Yes. But it’s going to be fucking messy.”

“You’ve got this.” Bellamy says and she can’t work out if he is telling her or reassuring her.

But Clarke knows if she doesn’t at least at try Miller is dead anyway.

She grabs the biggest needle she can find in her kit and a piece of tubing. She briefly thinks of telling someone to put some tarp down but there’s no time.

Instead she says, “Sorry. Miller this is going to hurt like a bitch.” Before plunging the needle in this side, extracting it and putting the tubing in.

As the blood and fluid starts to drain, Miller takes a huge shuddering breath.

“Easy there.” She says taking his hand.

After a few minutes she checks him over and decides it’s ok to get going again.

“We need to get back to base as fast and as steady as we can.” Rhys nods and starts the rover.

“Sergeant Trekru, tell medevac team to tell the hospital to prepare for two surgeries.”

The drive back to the base passes in a blur. She’s constantly checking Millers vitals and getting updates on Reyes.

When they get back to base there’s only one chopper and a lot of confusion.

“What the fuck is going on?” Bellamy shouts.

“We’re only cleared for one at a time.” Kane says calmly.

There’s lots of muttering and questions about who should go first, what they can do here but Clarke tunes it out and instead turns to the pilot, a woman named Byrne and asks, “Can you take both of them?”

“Yeah but then with the docs on board we loose a soldier, there’s just not enough space.”

“Fine. Take both...” Clarke starts.

“They need that soldier.” Bellamy interrupts.

“I agree. They’re flying over hostile zones.” Indra says.

“I know. That’s why they’re leaving the soldier and one doctor, and taking the other docs and me.”

She hears Bellamy’s “no way” before it gets drowned out with everyone talking at the same time.

“Look,” she shouts, “I’m a medic and a soldier. It makes sense. There’s a gunman up front. I’d be in case of emergency back up.”

She can sense they’re all gearing up for an argument so she says, “the longer we waste arguing the more chance we loose one, or both, of them.”

She can tell by the set of his jaw that Bellamy still isn’t happy about it but it’s Miller’s life on the line.

Ultimately, as the senior officer, it’s Kane’s decision.

“Ok.” Kane says after a beat. “But Griffin you are there as support. Do not engage or involve yourself unless it’s an order. And you come straight back. Understood.”

“Sergeant.”

Clarke doesn’t wait for him to change his mind instead she nods at them all and whirls round to the chopper.

Lincoln and Roan have been stood to the side watching the argument unfold and she has to walk past them to get to the helicopter.

“We’re getting the next evac out to join you.” Roan says.

She nods.

“Stay safe Griffin.” Lincoln tells her.

She’s about to climb into the chopper when she feels Bellamy’s hand on her wrist.

He’s mouthing something but the wind is whipping up and the blades are whirring so she can’t hear what he says. She nods and he squeezes her wrist before letting go and carefully backing out of the way.

She updates the onboard medics, checks on Miller and Reyes and then sits back, eyes alert, her gun in her lap. It’s then that what Bellamy said hits her.

“Don’t die.”

 

*

 

It’s only after they get to the hospital, when the medevac team she arrived with have left, and she has made sure Miller and Reyes are with their surgeons, that Clarke realises how exhausted she is.

All the adrenaline that was propelling her has gone and she flops down into a chair in corridor, close to the double doors that lead to the surgery suites so she can wait for news.

She hasn’t been to the military hospital in the capital before but she’s too tired to notice much other than the sterile hospital smell and the tiled floors. There’s no window where she is, so other than her father’s watch she telling her it’s 1837, she would have no clue what time it is.

She doesn’t sleep, too worried about Miller and Reyes to really switch off. Instead she leans back against the wall and waits.

Less than an hour later the double doors swing open and a doctor comes out.

“How are they?” She asks before he can say anything.

“Both still in serious conditions but they’re stable.” She lets out a breath as he continues, “Miss Reyes will need more surgery and physical therapy back in the US.”

“And Miller?” She asks.

“Sergeant Miller will make a full recovery. He’ll need to rest here for a few days before we can move him, but that was some quick thinking out there, you saved his life.”

Clarke mumbles her thanks to surgeon who nods and leaves. She falls back down onto the seats.

Her hands are shaking and she bursts into tears. She drops her head and lets the tears fall – tears of exhaustion, relief and fear. She’s like that for less than a minute when she hears voices and boots on the cold tile floor and looks up to see Bellamy, Roan and Lincoln. At the tears on her face their expressions drop, and Bellamy surges towards her.

“He’s ok. They’re ok.” She manages to get out before Bellamy’s arms are around her.

She holds him back tightly, more tears steaming down her face. After a beat she pulls back, just slightly so that she can make sure they really heard her.

“He’s ok. The doctor was just here. Said he’ll make a full recovery.”

“Thank fuck.” She’s not sure which one of them says that.

“They both will.” She adds.

“I always said that you were my favourite, Griffin.” Roan says grabbing her, and Bellamy who she’s still clinging onto, in a huge hug.

“Easy.” Bellamy huffs half-heartedly.

Roan releases them with a chuckle. And sits down on the seats next to Lincoln.

Clarke shuffles awkwardly, she’s suddenly very aware that she’s covered in blood, dust and god knows what else and that she hasn’t seen Bellamy in months.

“What are you guys doing here?” Clarke asks, trying to fill the silence.

“We’re here for Miller.” Lincoln says as though it’s obvious.

“We don’t leave one of our own.” Roans snaps defensively.

Clarke sighs and sits down, “Don’t bite my head off I didn’t mean that. I meant here in the country.”

“You know we can’t answer that.” Bellamy says, tone cautious.

“Seriously.” Clarke huffs.

“Seriously.” Bellamy says.

“I saved his fucking life and I don’t even get to know what you guys were doing.” She snaps but without real heat.

“Fucking army.” She groans.

They all chuckle at that. She leans back and closes her eyes, feeling Bellamy sit down next to her.

“You should find the doctor for an update,” she mumbles sleepily, “they might let you see him.”

She feels herself falling asleep and snaps her eyes open. She can’t sleep – she has to get back to base.

“Fuck. I have to get in contact with Kane. He told me to come straight back.” She says standing suddenly.

“You’re not going back.” Bellamy says standing with her.

“I am. I just need to find a phone.”

“Clarke, you’re half asleep. The journey will take hours. You’re not going back.” Bellamy says calmly.

Clarke ignores him, glancing down the corridor in search of a phone or something to tell her where she is.

“Hey,” he says grabbing her arm, “I’m serious.”

“So am I. I’m the only properly trained medic on base, I need to be there. Plus, Kane told me to come straight back. He’s my superior officer.” Her words are firm but her voice is watery, everything catching up with her.

“Right now I’m your superior officer.” He says.

“No you’re _a_ superior officer, not mine.” She says, dry.

“Private Griffin.” He growls, warningly.

“Staff Sergeant Blake.” She snaps back, teeth gritted.

The two of them stare at each other, neither willing to back down.

“We’re going to go and find a doctor.” Lincoln says standing.

“We are?” Roan asks and then at Lincoln’s scowl amends to, “we are,” with a nod.

When they’re out of earshot Bellamy speaks. “Clarke, come on, see sense.”

She says nothing, just glares at him.

“Please. Today has been bad enough, don’t make me worry about you travelling miles back to base too.” He pleads wearily.

“I never asked you to worry about me.” She snaps.

Clarke isn’t sure why she’s picking this argument. If the situation were reversed she’d be the same.

At his hurt look, she breaks.

“I’m sorry.” She says quietly. “I worry about you too. When I heard it was your unit... I...”

She doesn’t finish. Instead she turns away from him wiping the tears that fall. She doesn’t want Bellamy to think she’s weak.

“Come here.” He sighs pulling her into a hug. She turns into him and wraps her arms around him.

“I’m all gross.” She says into his chest.

“Fuck Clarke, I don’t care.” He says holding her tighter, his hand in her hair.

After she’s not sure how long she says, “I do have to get in touch with my base though. And if Kane wants me back you know I have to go.”

He pulls back, looking at her. “I know. But let’s deal with that if he says it. And I’ll speak to him. Kane has always liked me. My word might help.” He tucks a hair that's fallen out of her bun behind her ear away from her face.

“Unless you want to go back.” He says suddenly, his expression closing.

“Of course I do Bellamy, they’re my guys. But, if the choice is sitting for hours in a truck through no-mans-land or actually getting to see and talk to you. You win hands down.” She smiles.

“For a moment I was worried which way that was going to go.” He huffs smiling.

“No contest.” She smiles up at him.

He wipes her tear stained cheek before letting go of her.

“Come on.” He says moving down the corridor, hopefully in the direction of a phone.

To Clarke’s surprise, she doesn’t even have to try and convince Kane to let her stay the night. He tells her it’s all quiet on base and that he will organise it so there’s a rover she can take back first thing in the morning.

She’s not sure if it’s because Bellamy spoke to him first or he just realized how exhausted she was be but either way she’s grateful.

While she was on the phone Lincoln and Roan came and joined Bellamy, they’re all talking about something in low voices as she comes over, but stop when she arrives.

“Apparently we can see Miller before we head to the barracks.” Bellamy tells her.

She recognizes the subject change but just nods.

The four of them walk back down the corridor, Clarke is mostly silent listening to them laughing and joking. She just wants a shower and sleep.

When they get to the med bays she hesitates, Bellamy notices falling back in step with her.

“What are you doing?”

“I thought I’d give you guys some privacy,” she shrugs, “you know as a unit. I don’t want to intrude.”

“Jesus Griffin, you saved his fucking life. You’re not intruding.” He huffs.

When she still doesn’t move he grabs her hand, “come on.”

He’s still holding her hand as they go into the room and through the curtains of Miller’s bay, a fact that doesn’t go unnoticed by the others if their smirks are any indication.

“Fuck man, am I glad to see your ugly face.” Bellamy laughs, dropping Clarke’s hand to tap Miller on the leg.

“I got shot, what’s your excuse.” Miller fires back.

“As you can see he’s clearly still an asshole, so normal as ever.” Roan drawls.

Clarke is still standing back, trying to make her self as small as possible. She knows that Bellamy told her it was fine, but now she’s in the room she feels like she’s in the way.

“Griffin,” Miller nods, “come here.”

Clarke goes closer to the bed awkwardly. She’s standing near Miller’s legs but he motions her closer.

As soon as she’s in arms reach he grabs her and pulls her down for a hug, “You medic, are a fucking legend.”

“Careful.” She exclaims, “you’ve just had major surgery.”

She tries to squirm away, but Miller holds onto her.

“I’m serious. You saved my life.”

He lets go of her then, letting her stand back up, but still holding her hand.

“It’s my job.” She mumbles.

“Yeah well I am damn glad that you are good at it. And I owe you for life, any thing you need, ever.” He says squeezing her hand.

“I’m just really glad you’re ok.” She smiles squeezing his hand back.

“Ok, that’s enough hand holding. Blake will get jealous and I’d hate for him to have to kill you after his girl brought you back to life.” Roan smirks.

Clarke feels herself going bright red as she splutters, “I’m not, we’re not...”

“We’re just friends.” Bellamy says lazily, as if it’s something he’s been repeating often, but she can see a hint of blush on his cheeks.

Before she even has time to worry about what might have been said, the others are laughing and Miller is saying:

“Ow, seriously don’t make me laugh. It hurts.”

“Shouldn’t have got yourself shot then, should you dumbass.” Bellamy replies fondly.

Clarke would be shocked but she’s been in the army long enough, and grew up around enough military men to know that black humour is how they deal with things.

She perches on the edge of Miller’s bed as they all talk. She thinks she’s hiding how tired she is but after another stifled yawn she feels a hand on her shoulder.

“Come on. Back to barracks with you.” Bellamy says.

“I’m fine.”

“Sure. But both you and Miller need rest and I draw the line at you falling asleep in his bed.” Bellamy teases.

The others laugh and Clarke just rolls her eyes.

“I’ll come by and see you before I leave tomorrow.” She says to Miller, leaning over and dropping a kiss on his forehead. “And don’t be all macho, if you’re in pain tell someone and take the meds, that’s what they’re there for.”

“Yes ma’am.” Miller mock salutes.

As the others stand up and say bye to Miller she says to Bellamy, “Seriously you guys don’t have to leave I can get back on my own.”

He doesn’t even respond, just rolls her eyes.

She goes to say something else but Lincoln jumps in: “honestly Clarke we need to get back anyway. Plus if you think Blake is going to let you walk back alone you haven’t been paying attention.”

Clarke just shrugs too tired to be embarrassed and follows them all out with a final wave at Miller.

 

The barracks is only a ten-minute walk from the hospital. The evening is still warm and not fully dark yet, the call to prayers whirls in the air around them and Clarke thinks if it wasn’t for the fact they were in uniform they could just be friends going for an evening stroll like other people their age.

When they arrive, the base commander points out the canteen and the sleeping areas. The barracks is not in permanent use, it’s used more as a stop over point so it’s only them and a couple of others in there.

“Right, showers and then food.” Bellamy says to his men.

They nod their agreement before turning on their heels in the direction of the men’s quarters.

“I know I’m not your superior officer,” Bellamy says with a smile.

“But you are a superior officer.” Clarke grins back.

“Indeed. So a shower and then food. I get that you probably just want to sleep but trust me, food will help.”

Clarke nods, “thanks Bellamy. See you in a bit.”

Clarke is the only woman in the female dorms. She peels off her clothes in the bathroom, walking into the shower cubicle. She lets the water wash all the dirt and blood away. She cries again but the tears mingle with the hot water and drain away.

When she’s out she feels better, tired, but more human. She gets changed into a clean pair of combat trousers and an army issue t-shirt that have been left out for her. She has to put her underwear on from earlier but it’s better than nothing given that she arrived with only her weapon and no clean supplies. She grapples with her hair pulling it back into a tight bun using every bobby pin she has and cursing, not for the first time, the person that made this the regulation army hair style. 

Clarke does up her boots and follows the sound of voices down the corridor to the canteen..

She sees the three of them at a table and makes her way over. They all look freshly changed and showered in the same standard issue t-shirt and combats as her, although she can’t help noticing that their arms look much better in the t-shirts than hers. Bellamy looks particularly attractive with messy, still damp hair and a half smile as he motions with his head to the space next to him.

She smiles when she sees a loaded tray waiting for her next to Bellamy.

“Thanks for this.”

“Wait until you’ve eaten it before you thank us.” Roan smirks.

“Not exactly the Ritz but it’s ok.” Lincoln says shoveling what looks like broccoli into his mouth as Clarke sits down.

“You look like yourself again.” Bellamy smiles at her, tugging on the end of her braid.

“You mean now I’m not covered in blood and god knows what other bodily fluids.” Clarke smirks.

“No discussion of bodily fluids at the table. I don’t know how you two flirt in those emails of yours but try to remember you’re in company.” Roan says, tone light.

Clarke scowls and points her fork at him, “you know I’m going to make it my personal mission to find out about your romantic life and then use it against you for the rest of all time.”

Roan just laughs.

“Sadly I know quite a bit about his personal life and trust me when I say it will be more uncomfortable for you than him.” Lincoln says evenly.

Clarke and Bellamy laugh.

“That’s the problem with the army, no bloody privacy. Everyone is always around.” Clarke says with a chuckle.

“That reminds me. A kid on your base gave us this to give to you.” Lincoln tells her pulling out a purple sports bottle.

“Which kid?” Clarke asks reaching for it, though she has a pretty good idea.

“No idea. Short Asian kid, dark hair. He said he thought you might need it.”

“Ahhh.” Clarke says in understanding, “you guys are all clocked off right?”

“We have some paperwork but nothing that can’t wait until morning.” Bellamy replies, looking at her questioningly.

Clarke nods and gets up, returning to the table with four plastic tumblers.

“In that case,” she says opening the lid of the bottle and pouring a couple of fingers of liquid in each glass, “how about a drink?”

She slides the drinks over to each of them.

As Roan goes to sniff it she says, “I suggest you don’t. It’s not better for smelling it.”

“Is this is an elaborate ploy to kill us?” Roan asks warily.

“Why would I save Miller’s life just to kill the rest of you?” She asks rolling her eyes, “plus if Bellamy and I are as romantic as you keep implying it would be kind of stupid to kill him.”

“She makes a valid point.” Bellamy smiles, nudging her with his shoulder.

“And I wouldn’t kill Lincoln. I like him.”

“I’m hearing nothing about you saving me in there Griffin,” Roan huffs lightly.

She smirks, “stop delaying the inevitable. It’s only alcohol. After today I think we could use a drink.”

“Agreed.” Lincoln says raising his tumbler, “to getting through another day.”

They all raise their plastic tumblers.

“To Miller.” Clarke says.

“To Clarke.” Bellamy adds smiling shyly at her.

“To Clarke not killing me.” Roan smirks.

Clarke laughs, then knocks her drink back in one and watches the others do the same.

Their reactions are exactly what she’d been hoping for.

Bellamy splutters, eyes watering. Roan coughs so hard Lincoln has to pound him on the back. And Lincoln grimaces but then just a shrugs.

“What, the fuck, was that?” Bellamy says when he gets his breath back.

“That was Private Monty Green’s moonshine.”

“What is it? Gasoline with rubbing spirits?” Roan exclaims.

“I’ve never actually asked him what’s in it but I’m pretty sure I could sterilise a wound with it if I needed to.” Clarke says thoughtfully.

“Kane knows you have this on base?” Bellamy asks shrewdly.

“Not exactly. He knows Monty makes his own moonshine but he’s never tried it and is always conveniently not around when we break it out.”

“No wonder everyone gets crazy on this stuff, it’s fucking lethal.” Bellamy says.

“But am I wrong to want more?” Lincoln asks, as Roan nods in agreement.

“Ha, welcome to the secret ingredient... it’s so fucking moreish and none of us know why.” Clarke laughs.

She pours all three of the boys one more glass.

“None for you?” Bellamy asks.

“Oh no, I went through basic with Monty. I know my limits.” Clarke replies.

“Besides,” she says in an undertone that only Bellamy can hear, “I thought you didn’t like the thought of me drinking too much and getting naked.”

This time when he splutters, it’s not just from the moonshine.

When he recovers he turns to her so slightly it’s barely noticeable for anyone but Clarke and says, “that was mean Private, but don’t worry... I’ll get my own back.”

She blushes and hopes that Lincoln and Roan don’t notice.

After about twenty minutes Clarke excuses herself.

“I know it super early but I am done.” She says standing.

“I’ll walk you to your room.” Bellamy says standing with her.

She’s about to protest, it’s hardly far after all but she wants to spend time with him so says nothing.

“Night guys. Don’t drink too much.” Clarke smiles at Roan and Lincoln.

“Night.” They chorus smirking at her and Bellamy.

 

“How long are you guys here?” Clarke asks as they’re walking to her room.

“Couple of days. We’ll try and stay for as long as Miller’s here. But you know as well as I do if HQ want us back, we’ll have to go.”

She nods.

“This is me.” Clarke says as they arrive at her door.

He nods.

“Do you-“ she starts.

“So you’re-“ he says at the same time.

The both break off laughing awkwardly.

“You go.” He says.

“I was just going to say do you want to come in? Not to do anything but we could talk, it’s just me in there.” She says awkwardly.

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea.” Bellamy replies.

“Oh.” Clarke blushes embarrassed. She looks down at the floor too embarrassed to look at him, “of course, I didn’t... I get it. Night.”

Clarke slips into her room closing the door behind her before Bellamy can say anything. She is completely mortified and can’t believe how badly she misread things. Before she can properly torment herself the door opens again.

“What was that?” Bellamy asks coming in and closing the door behind him.

“What was what?” She asks tiredly.

“That disappearing act. One minute we’re talking the next you’re in here.”

Clarke doesn’t say anything. She doesn’t owe him her embarrassment.

“Clarke?” He says softly. She glances up at him, he’s standing by the door awkwardly, hands behind his back.

“The reason I said I didn’t think it was a good idea is not because I don’t want to spend time with you, it’s practically the exact opposite.”

“What do you mean?” She asks quiet, her tone matching his.

“You must have picked up on the guys teasing me.”

“It was a little hard to ignore.” She admits, “Roan’s kind of a dick, right?”

He huffs out a laugh. “He is indeed but he’s also the most loyal man you’ll ever meet. They all are.”

Clarke sits down on one of the empty beds.

“Tell me about them.”

“Don’t think I don’t know you’re changing the subject.” Bellamy smiles sitting on one of the opposite beds.

Clarke smiles and shrugs, “if ignoring the elephant in the room gets you to stay and talk to me I can do that.”

He laughs, but then says seriously:

“We need to talk about it Clarke.”

“That doesn’t sound fun and today has been shitty enough.”

He fixes her with a look.

“You’ve got a month left on this tour, right?”

Clarke is thrown by the subject change but nods.

“When you’re back stateside can I take you out on an actual date? Because this friends thing is really not working for me.” His tone is light, almost teasing but Clarke can sense the effort behind it.

“I-“

“Before you say no... you can’t tell me there isn’t something here.”

“I’m not saying that. Of course there’s something here. When I heard that it was you guys in trouble, my god Bellamy I was so worried.”

“When you came into that basement, I was so relieved that someone was coming to help Miller but I was so worried something would happen to you.”

“I can handle myself.” She huffs.

“And then when you insisted on getting on that fucking chopper. Let’s just say if my guys didn’t already think something was going on with us I’m pretty sure my reaction back at your base confirmed it.”

“Oh yeah?” She smiles.

“Yeah.” He smiles back a hint of blush creeping up his neck.

“My reasons are still my reasons Bellamy.” She says sadly.

“I get that, but Clarke you’ve proved you’re not just General Griffin’s daughter.”

“But I’d still be the girl screwing the SF guy.”

“I was hoping you’d be the girl dating the SF guy, but yeah.” He says wryly.

“It’s against protocol, you’re a senior officer.” She says.

“Technically it’s not, because as you constantly like to remind me I’m not your superior officer.”

“We hardly know each other.” She protests weakly.

“You and I both know that’s not true, but even if it was that’s what dating is for.”

She’s quiet, just looking at him. All dark hair and freckles, with his tanned arms in his army green t-shirt and Clarke doesn’t really have any good reason not to date him. Other than fear. That it could go wrong, that he could get hurt. That she could.

“You know I usually don’t have to work this hard to get women to date me.” Bellamy says lightly.

“I’m not just any woman.” She replies archly.

“No, you’re not.” He smiles.

“I can sit here and give you counter arguments for all your reasons because I have spent the last few months coming up with them myself.” He laughs before continuing, softly, more hesitant “but if you don’t actually want this, if you’re not interested-“

“I am.” She cuts him off. “Interested I mean.”

“Yeah?” He says cautiously.

“Yeah.”

He’s over to her in a few steps, pulling her up into his arms and leaning down to kiss her. It’s soft, still hesitant, until Clarke deepens it, putting one hand in his hair and the other curling around his shoulders.

They break apart slightly breathless and he looks down at her.

“Hi.”

“Hi.” She smiles shyly.

“So we’re doing this?” He asks smoothing her hair back.

“So it seems.” She laughs. “But Bellamy, until I’m back we need to just keep things as they were.”

He pulls back slightly, “friends?”

She can see the hurt in his face, so says quickly, “No, together but just not officially. I want to keep it quiet for now, until I’m back at least.”

“Sneaking around huh,” he says voice low, “I could get behind that”

“Hardly sneaking. We only have tonight and I’m not having sex with you on barracks.”

He leans in again to kiss her, before tilting her head lightly and kissing down her neck.

“Sure?” He mumbles against her skin as she sighs.

“Ugh, Yes.” She says stepping back and pushing him away.

Clarke hadn’t realised how close to the bed she was and in stepping back she hits the side of the bed loosing her balance and falling back on to the bed.

“You know, falling onto the bed does not convince me you’re sure.” Bellamy says leaning over her for another kiss.

She responds pulling him closer, so he falls down on top of her, her body taking over her mind.

When they break apart this time it’s Bellamy that stops it.

“Ok, if you don’t want to be the girl screwing the SF guy on base then we should stop.” He says sitting up and scooting down the bed.

“Good plan.” Clarke says sitting up and pulling her t-shirt back down.

Clarke looks at him, lips swollen from kissing, hair all messed up and feels a surge of something she’s not ready to name.

She grins at him, “if the guys weren’t giving you shit before, they will now.”

He laughs and puts a hand to his hair to try and tame it, “worth it though.”

“Yeah?”

“Damn straight.” He grins.

“Ok, I am kicking you out now because otherwise I will loose my determination to not be that girl.” Clarke sighs.

“Ok.” He says, standing and leaning down to kiss her gently, “a month, right?”

“Three and a half weeks. But who’s counting.”

“Night princess.”

Clarke rolls her eyes, “Night Bellamy.”

  
Clarke doesn’t remember falling asleep but when she walks at 6am, she feels like she could sleep for another week. She doesn’t stay in bed though. Kane said he’d send a transport at 10am and she wants to see Miller before she leaves.

She wants to see Bellamy too if she’s honest with herself. In the cold morning light it’s easy to rethink her decision. It’s not that she doesn’t want to date him, she really does but army relationships are hard enough. Add in family baggage on her side and the fact that he is constantly jetting off on secret missions, and well, she worries that they’re already doomed.

Clarke gets dressed and heads to the mess for breakfast. She is drinking a cup of incredibly thick strong coffee when Lincoln and Roan come in.

“Morning.” Lincoln says going over to get some breakfast.

“So, I assume you’re the reason the boss came back in such a good mood last night.” Roan smirks.

“It would be pretty fucking awkward if I wasn’t.” Clarke scowls at him.

“True, but it’s not like there are a lot of options. Plus you’ve not had to live with him for the last few months.”

Clarke is about to get Roan to elaborate when Lincoln sits down.

“What did he say?” Lincoln asks Roan, practically ignoring Clarke.

“Not to wind Clarke up.” Roan admits.

“And what are you doing before you’ve even had a cup of coffee.”

“Talking.” Roan says childishly. “I’m gonna get breakfast.”

Lincoln rolls his eyes and looks at Clarke. When Roan has gone he says:

“We know you wanna keep things quiet. Don’t worry about us.”

“Jeez, did he tell you everything?” Clarke huffs.

“No. Only that he finally got you to relent your friends policy but not until your tour is over.” Lincoln says.

“Oh.”

“For what it’s worth, I get it. But anyone can see your a good soldier and medic and as for the ones who can’t, fuck ‘em.”

“If only it were that simple.”

“You’ll never convince everybody and you’ll go mad trying.” He shrugs.

“Thanks. Do you know where he is?”

“Doing Boss stuff. Dealing with the fall out from yesterday.”

At Clarke’s worried look Lincoln adds:

“Don’t worry, it’s normal.”

“If you see him before I do, will you let him know I’ve gone to see Miller.” Clarke says standing up.

Roan comes back to the table at the same time with food for him and Lincoln.

“Give us five minutes and we’ll walk you.” He says.

“Nah, you’re alright. It’s only ten minutes away. I’ll be fine.”

They look like they want to protest so Clarke says, “do you really want a rant about misogyny and the fact that you wouldn’t even be suggesting this if I was a guy and you definitely wouldn’t be suggesting it if I didn’t have a,” she pauses and gestures with her hands, “a whatever with Bellamy.”

When they say nothing, she says primly, “I didn’t think so.”

“I’ll see you later.”

She thinks she hears Roan mutter, _'he’s going to fucking kill us'_ , but she’s not sure so she keeps going. Stopping briefly by her room to get her pistol.

 

The walk to the hospital is uneventful and Clarke is reminded, once again, how similar things are here to home. It’s just that here there are peace-keeping forces and army trucks everywhere.

When she arrives at the hospital Miller’s room is full of doctors so she hangs back, loitering in the corridor.

“Hey you!” A girl shouts.

Clarke turns toward the voice, and sees a propped up leg peeking out from behind a curtain.

“Hello?” Clarke says walking over.

“You’re the medic from yesterday, right?” The voice says as Clarke gets closer and now she recognises the woman, Reyes, from the house.

“Hey, yeah. Clarke Griffin.”

“Raven Reyes.”

“You’re looking better.” Clarke says coming into the room fully. She takes in the woman, she’s beautiful. Long dark hair, big eyes. She looks tired but Clarke can see she’s strong.

“Thanks to you. Apparently my leg is pretty fucked but I probably wouldn’t have made it out if it wasn’t for you.”

“What were you even doing there?” Clarke says sitting down on a plastic chair she pulls closer to the bed.

“Officially, I am a here as a dutiful girlfriend because my boyfriend works for an NGO.” Raven says.

“And unofficially?”

“I am a here as a dutiful girlfriend because my boyfriend works for an NGO.” She says again, but this time with a smirk.

“What a dutiful girlfriend you are.” Clarke says returning Raven’s grin.

“I know right?” They both laugh.

Clarke likes talking to Raven, she’s clearly smart and although she won’t be drawn on why she’s in the country, she’s engaging company.

Clarke’s not sure how long they’ve been chatting when she hears heavy boots coming down the corridor.

“You are not meant to be in here.” Bellamy practically snarls, when he arrives.

“Miller was occupied.” Clarke says evenly.

“We’re just talking.” Raven adds.

“Can it Reyes, I wasn’t talking to you.”

“Calm down Blake.” She snaps back.

So Raven and Bellamy know each other Clarke thinks, but before she can say anything else Roan and Lincoln arrive in the room.

“I thought you were seeing Miller.” Lincoln says his tone disappointed.

“He had doctors in with him so I talked to Raven while I was waiting. It’s not a big deal.”

“It’s not for you to decide that.” Bellamy snaps. “You shouldn’t be in here, hell you couldn’t even wait for one of the guys to walk you.”

“I don’t need a fucking chaperone.”

“Apparently you do. Reyes is off limits.”

“One, I didn’t know that until literally a second ago. Two, we were not talking about anything important and three as I apparently keep having to remind you, you’re not in charge of me.” Clarke snaps back standing up to face him.

She can see Raven looking between the two of them, piecing it together with a smirk.

“She’s telling the truth Blake. We were just chatting about mindless shit.”

“I thought I told you to stay out of it.” He snaps.

“Don’t snap at her because you’re pissed at me.” Clarke tells him.

Clarke can see the muscle working in Bellamy’s jaw as he tries to calm down.

“Private Griffin, this room is closed to all except authorised personnel, can you please step outside.” He says in his calmest voice.

Clarke arches an eyebrow at the formal command but simply nods.

“Nice to unofficially meet you!” Raven trills as Clarke turns to leave.

Clarke turns back to her with a smile and winks, “nice meeting you too, lady who is off limits.”

Bellamy huffs angrily at that and follows Clarke out of the room, closing the door behind him.

“Well this whole not just friends thing is off to a fantastic start.” She snaps sarcastically.

“Do not start with me.” He growls.

“You just completely overreacted and embarrassed me in there and you’re telling me not to start.” Clarke says in an angry whisper as a group of doctors walk passed.

“You shouldn’t be talking to her.” He says motioning to the door behind him.

“I know that now.”

“Well, if you’d let one of the guys walk with you then you’d have known that from the start.”

“Oh so that’s what this is about. That I came here without one of your guard dogs.”

Bellamy opens his mouth to speak but Clarke talks over him.

“Let’s get one thing clear, we might be whatever we are but I am not some damsel in distress that needs saving. And if that’s what you want, then I’m not the girl for you.”

“That’s not...” he huffs. “Clarke, we’re in a dangerous place. You can’t just leave.”

“I followed protocol Bellamy. I told people, I signed out.”

“We’re in a fucking war zone.”

“No we’re not. Granted we’re in hostile territory but the city itself isn’t dangerous and I told people where I was going.”

“I was worried.”

“I get that. But Bellamy you said to me last night that it was ok for us to try dating because people see me as more than Jake Griffin’s daughter. As a soldier in my own right.”

He nods.

“Well if you meant that, if it wasn’t just something you knew I wanted to hear, if you actually believe it.”

“Of course I do.” He interrupts.

“In that case you have to start to trust me a bit. You can worry about me, I worry about you, but I can’t run everything by you. I’m a soldier and I’m on tour for another month. And then who knows where I’ll be posted. You know this life.”

“I’m sorry,” He says after a beat and reaches out to touches her hand, “You still shouldn’t have been talking to Raven but I did maybe overreact.”

“Maybe?” Clarke scoffs.

“I’ll work on it. I have a month to become more chill right.” he sighs rubbing his hand over his face.

“Right.” Clarke glances around quickly and sees that there’s no one around so rises on her tiptoes and kisses him swiftly.

“We’ll get better at this.”

  
They go into see Miller. Clarke checks over his notes, just because she can, but she can see for herself that he is looking better. He’s sitting up in bed and has more colour in his cheeks.

Roan and Lincoln come into the room to say hi and Clarke glances down at her watch.

“Shit, I should get going.” She says, tucking Miller's chart at the bottom of his bed.

“I presume you’re walking me back.” She says rolling her eyes fondly at to Bellamy.

She doesn’t even think either of them do anything particularly obvious.

But Miller looks between the two of them and exclaims: “You absolutely bastards!”

Clarke turns to him confused but he’s looking at Roan and Lincoln, scowling.

“You were going to swindle a dying man.”

Clarke looks at Bellamy who is trying not to smirk as he puts the pieces together, while she is still lost.

“Technically, we were going to tell you...” Lincoln starts.

“And you’re not dying.” Roan adds.

“How much?” Bellamy asks shrewdly.

The three men all look around shiftily.

“Well it depends,” Lincoln, says awkwardly, “there were, uhh, different criteria.”

Clarke puts it together then.

“You were betting on me and Bellamy!”

“When you say it like that it sounds bad.” Miller laughs.

“Oh yeah, how would you put it?” She asks him with a smirk and her hands on her hips.

“We were... invested in your future.” He replies, smug.

“How invested?” Bellamy asks.

“There was a near death experience but it wasn’t either of them,” Roan says pulling a small field notes book and a pencil out of his pocket and flipping to the back.

“Still counts though, high pressure stakes.” Miller argues.

“You would say that, you get a double payout if we agree.” Roan says.

“Technically, they’re keeping it quiet until she’s stateside, so it’s not before her tour is over, which means you don’t get anything for that.” Lincoln says.

“How convenient, considering that you said they’d wait until she was back.” Miller counters.

While this is going on Clarke is looking between them all incredulously. Bellamy for his part is fighting down a grin.

“You guys are unbelievable.” She huffs, breaking their discussion.

“Does this mean you’re not going to tell us who made the first move, because that makes a difference to the final tally too.” Roan says seriously.

Clarke just gapes at them as Bellamy finally gives in and breaks into a laugh.

“I actually have no words. And I really do have to go.” Clarke says, “coming?”

Bellamy nods, still laughing.

“When you’ve figured out who profited off my life, one of you owes me a lot of drinks.” Clarke says laughing, giving in to the humour of it all.

“Take care Miller.”

“Always, medic.”

She hugs Lincoln and Roan holds out a fist for her to bump. She looks down at it coldly, and leaves him hanging.

“No.”

The others laugh.

“Cold Griffin, cold.”

  
They’re half way back to the barracks when Clarke says:

“So just how much did you tell your unit about us.”

She grins at the blush creeping up his cheeks.

“Uh, well...”

“Did they all know what happened when you were on base with us?”

“No.” He says putting a hand on her back and steering her around some pedestrians.

“Miller knew obviously because he saw you in the bar in New York.”

“Obviously. His double take when he saw me on the carrier would’ve been funny if I wasn’t having my own internal meltdown.” She smiles.

“I can well imagine.” He smirks.

“So the rest of them?” She asks, “When did they think something was going on?”

“It was probably when we started emailing and you went quiet. I mean, Roan had said you were hot after that first night but I managed to turn my jealously into a rant about objectifying women.”

“Smooth.”

“Thanks!” He grins, “I don’t really remember telling them to be honest, but we’re a small unit. They could see how ridiculous I was before I realised.”

“You’re lucky to have them.” She smiles, “even if they are all assholes who put money on us.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll get them to split the pot.” He laughs.

When they’re back at the barracks, Bellamy goes to make a couple of calls and Clarke grabs the pack she came with. She doesn’t have much with her so she’s just waiting for the transport to arrive.

At 09.55 she sees the Rover pull into the barracks. Rhys driving with Murphy sitting shotgun. When it comes to a complete stop they both jump out and Dax gets out of the back too.

“Wow, Kane must be pissed at me if he’s making me suffer the company of you three.” Clarke teases.

“Nah, this is your reward for going rogue.” Murphy drawls.

“I didn’t go rogue.”

“You did in the version I’m telling.” He smirks, and squeezes her shoulder. Which, in Murphy language means I care, I’m proud of you and I’m glad you’re safe.

Clarke hands her bag off to Dax who throws it in the back.

She’s worrying that she might not get chance to see Bellamy when he steps out into the courtyard.

Murphy, Dax and Rhys all stand up a bit straighter when they see him and Clarke tries not to roll her eyes.

“Private Griffin, a word on this paperwork.” He says holding up a file.

“Sergeant.”

He turns on his heel and she moves to follow him.

“Kane said if we’re leaving later than 1010 hours we need to let him know.” Rhys tells her.

“I won't be long, don’t worry.” She says as Bellamy puts his head back out of the door.

“Now Private!”

Clarke jogs after him, following down the corridor into a little office.

“Paperwork?” She asks closing the door behind her.

Bellamy smirks as he opens the empty file, “had to make it look convincing.”

She grins.

He comes over and kisses her tenderly.

“A month right?” He says softly as he breaks away.

“Three and a half weeks.” She smiles, reaching up to kiss him softly, chastely.

“Don’t die.” He says pulling her into a hug.

“That’s my line.” She mumbles into his chest.

“Well let’s both not.” He laughs softly.

“Deal.”

She squeezes him tightly before breaking away.

“I have to go.”

He looks at her, as if he wants to say something.

“Don’t come out, ok?” She says, “this is it for now and I’ll see you in a month.”

He nods and she smiles.

“See you in three and a half weeks Griffin.”

She laughs and slips out of the office, leaving Bellamy behind her.

She’s in the Rover by 1005.

 

  
When Clarke gets back to base she’s immediately called in to see Kane.

She’s been expecting it, yesterday was a big deal, and she did kind of disobey orders. Twice.

She enters his tent, which is as neat as to be expected. Sergeant Trekru is with him looking disappointed but Clarke has learnt by now, that’s just Indra’s default expression – you really have to earn her praise. As for Kane’s, his face is a mask that gives nothing away.

“Private, welcome back. We need a full debrief for HQ.”

She nods.

“What you did yesterday was reckless and foolhardy,” Indra starts.

Clarke braces herself for the dressing down she thinks she’s about to get, but it doesn’t come, and when she meets Indra’s eyes she can see an amused glint in them.

“I think we’ll make a soldier out of you yet, medic.” Indra smirks, “the paperwork needs to be with me by sundown.”

And with that she clips her heels together and nods at Kane, before leaving the tent.

When she’s gone Clarke sees Kane visibly relax.

“Are you ok?”

“Yes sergeant.”

“Clarke, it’s just us now. I’ve known you since you were born, drop the formalities for a moment.”

Clarke tries to relax but most of her is still in army mode.

“Are you ok?” He asks gruffly.

“I think so. Yesterday was... a lot, but my training kicked in and I didn’t realise the stakes until it was all over. Does that make sense?”

“Of course.” He smiles fondly, before saying, “You need to call your mother.”

Clarke must grimace subconsciously because he adds, “don’t give me that look.”

“How does she even know?” Clarke grouses, “it’s been less than a day.”

“Clarke your mother knows more than most five star generals, you know that.”

Clarke doesn’t argue with that, it’s true. Her mother is terrifyingly well connected.

“You can use my phone.” Kane says kindly but also deliberately.

“Well the time zones...” Clarke starts but relents at Kane’s look and begins dialing her mother’s number.

Kane busies himself at his desk to provide at least the illusion of privacy.

“Dr Griffin.”

“Mom, it’s me.”

“Clarke honey, thank god. How are you?”

“I’m fine, honest. Tired but really, I’m ok.”

There’s a pause, and Clarke can practically hear Abby scowling but when she does speak her tone is warm.

“I’m glad. But darling, you can’t just go running off because you think you know best.”

“I didn’t run off,” Clarke bristles.

“Then what do you call getting onto a helicopter that you weren’t sanctioned to be on?” Abby asks pointedly.

“I, uhh…” Clarke splutters, “How do you even know that!? It happened yesterday, in another continent, not to mention the time difference.”

“Thelonious was over for dinner.” Abby answers breezily.

“Should of fucking guessed.” Clarke grouches and sees Kane wince out of the corner of her eye.

“Language. While I don’t like you running into these things Thelonious assured me that Blake and his men are some of the best.”

“Mom it was meant to be covert ops.”

“And it still is darling.” Abby says reasonably, which only further infuriates Clarke. “I don’t know any actual details of the mission. I was worried and as my friend, who happens to know a bit about these situations, he reassured me that the team you’d helped were a good one.”

Clarke would laugh if she weren’t so tired. Her mother’s ability to under play things is one of her more remarkable traits.

“I would assume he does know a bit or two given that he is the head of the army.” Clarke rolls her eyes.

“Think how much worse I’d be if I didn’t have anyone here to speak to.” Abby says. Her tone is teasing but she can’t help but think, it can’t be easy for her mother, Clarke being out here, especially not since Jake died.

“I know you worry,” Clarke says softly, “but I’m alright. And I’ll be back by the end of the month.”

“I love you Clarke.”

“Love you too mom.”

“Excellent. Can you tell Marcus that his mother’s ficus has green fly and could he please email her asap.”

Clarke laughs and reassures her mother that she will do exactly that before saying goodbye.

When she’s hung up the phone Clarke turns to Kane and says:

“Apparently your mom’s ficus has greenfly.”

Marcus half smiles, “I suppose I should contact her. See, you mother doesn’t just fuss over you.”

Clarke rolls her eyes but smiles.

“You’re dismissed private. Get that paperwork to Sergant Trekru by sundown.”

“Sergeant.” Clarke nods and turns to leave.

“And Clarke, I’m proud of how you handled yourself yesterday and Jake would be too.”

Clarke smiles sadly, “thank you.”

 

The moment she leaves the tent Monty is at her side.

“Murphy said you were ok but I wanted to see for myself.”

Clarke nudges him with her shoulder as they walk, “I’m fine.”

“Hell of a first tour.” He smiles.

“Don’t jinx us Green, we’re not done yet!”

“True.”

They’re walking through camp towards the tent they sleep in.

“So,” Monty begins grinning at her.

“So?”

“Still convinced you and Bellamy are just friends?” He says cheekily.

Unlike Bellamy Clarke hadn’t actually told her unit much about him but they’d noticed every time she got a message from him she was happier and the weeks he went off grid were tough. She’d maintained they were just friends and that she knew him and the other SF guys because of her dad’s connection to them. She was pretty sure they hadn’t believed her but it hadn’t gone past light teasing, until now.

“Yes, just friends... until we’re back stateside then we’ll see.” She smiles.

“Oh thank god. I’ve been working on an impassioned speech to tell you why life is too short and you’re obviously into each other but I wasn’t sold on it. Inspirational speeches are not my thing.”

Clarke laughs.

“Why did you need a speech? You don’t even know him.”

“No, but I saw him after you’d left on the medevac, ranting in the comms tent about helicopters and blonde girls who don’t listen.”

“Really?” Clarke grins, Bellamy had told her he’d been pretty obvious but she thought that was just with his guys.

“Really. To be honest it was only me, Kane and a few of his men in comms so I’m not sure he even noticed me. But he was worried. As more than a friend.”

“You’re a good pal Monty.” Clarke smiles, flinging an arm around his shoulder.

When she gets into the tent her whole unit are there. Hugging her, checking how she is, asking for stories. It’s overwhelming, she thinks, but nice. Clarke never had a big family, it was just her and her parents and Jake was away a lot but this is what she imagines it’s like. Emotion hidden behind trash talk. Easy affection to show you care.

She takes their hugs and teasing banter before shooing them away.

“If I don’t get this paperwork done for Indra she’ll kill me, and before she does I’ll blame all of you!” Clarke mock scowls.

They all laugh and retreat back to whatever they were doing. Apparently Kane has them on reduced duties for today.

Clarke settles on her bed with the paperwork. Before she starts she pulls her phone out of the drawer by her bunk she kept it in.

 **Mum**  
_(2) text message_

Clarke ignores them for now and pulls up a text to Bellamy.

 **Clarke:** Safe back on base x

She’s deep into the report for Indra when her phone goes.

 **Bellamy:** Good. We’re heading back with Miller tomorrow so contact might be patchy for a few days

 **Clarke:** No worries. Did you find out who won the bet on us?

 **Bellamy:** yes  
You won’t like it

 **Clarke:** Not Roan!?

 **Bellamy:** No comment...  
Got to go. Don’t die princess

 **Clarke:** right back at ya (minus *crown emoji*)

“Just friends hey?” Monty teases kicking Clarke’s bed as he goes past.

She glares at him but can’t help smiling as she finishes her paperwork.

 

*

 

A week later and life on the base is exactly as it once was, except there’s excitement in the air. It’s like the feeling the night before Christmas. In two weeks they’ll be on the way home.

The thought of being back, with a proper bed and real shower, food that isn’t army regulation has all of them a little giddy – especially those like Clarke on their first tour. She doesn’t think she’s the only one though, she’s almost certain she saw Indra smile earlier.

The one tiny cloud on Clarke’s horizon is that she hasn’t heard from Bellamy since she arrived back at base.

A week without contact isn’t that unusual, but it’s the first time since they upgraded their relationship and she’s sent a couple of messages and an email that have all gone answered.

She knows there are plenty of ways she could find out but she doesn’t want to be that girlfriend, especially after she had a go at Bellamy for not trusting her to do her job.

She leaves it a few more days, but when she snaps at Jasper for humming too loudly, and even Monty tells her off _‘Clarke, don’t take your mood out on him’_ she knows she needs to at least try and find out what’s going on.

To be fair Monty also offers to hack Bellamy’s phone to pinpoint his gps, but she’s pretty sure he’s joking.

She doesn’t want to go straight to the big guns (Wells or her mother) in case he’s ghosting her instead of actually on ops. So after debating with herself she decides to email Miller. She’d wanted to know how he was, so really she reasons, this is just an efficient way to do both.

 

 **[From: Clarke.Griffin@usaarmy.mil]**  
**[To: Nathan.Miller@usaarmy.mil]**

_Subject: How’s the lung?_

_Hey - how are you? I hope you’re taking it easy and actually letting your body recover, I’d hate to have to kick your ass when I’m back._

_Also, not to be that girl (but I am totally being that girl) Is Bellamy ok? I haven’t heard from him in a while._

 

 **[From: Nathan.Miller@usaarmy.mil]**  
**[To: Clarke.Griffin@usaarmy.mil]**

_Subject: re: How’s the lung?_

_Hey medic,_

_When are you back stateside? I owe you a drink or three! Sadly not with my winnings, I’m a good friend who didn’t profit off you!_

_You can be that girl, I don’t know what that girl is, but you’re a girl so I assume you can be that girl. As for Blake, you know I can’t tell you anything. You’re an SF baby, you know the deal._

_NM_

  
**[From: Clarke.Griffin@usaarmy.mil]**  
**[To: Nathan.Miller@usaarmy.mil]**

_Subject: re:re: How’s the lung?_

_So they’re on an op?_

_He didn’t tell me, I thought he might be ghosting me, regretting his decision and ending things before they begin._

 

Clarke presses send before she can second-guess herself. It’s more honest than she would normally be with someone like Miller, who she barely knows, but she’s spent the last week trying to convince herself everything was fine while secretly working herself into knots.

Miller’s reply comes back so quickly, that Clarke thinks he must have his emails open.

 

 **[From: Nathan.Miller@usaarmy.mil]**  
**[To: Clarke.Griffin@usaarmy.mil]**

_Subject: re:re:re: How’s the lung?_

_Just so you know it still hurts to laugh... which is what I’m doing because of your last message. He is crazy for you. You’re going to have to dump his sorry ass to get rid of him. It’s so obvious how he feels about you that I don’t even feel bad for breaking bro-code or anything like that._

_The op was last minute. He had planned on telling you, but you know how these things are._

_Honestly Clarke of all the things to worry about in this world, Blake wanting to give this a go with you is not one._

_Now that’s my limit on feelings for the year. I am so bored, I need book, podcast or video game recommendations, which you have to provide because my other friends are away and I just helped you through an emotional crisis._

_NM_

 

Clarke half laughs but it’s more of an exhale of relief than anything.

 **[From: Clarke.Griffin@usaarmy.mil]**  
**[To: Nathan.Miller@usaarmy.mil]**

_Subject: re:re:re:re: How’s the lung?_

_Thank you. Really._

_Now what are the chances you’ll keep that embarrassing meltdown to yourself???_

_I’ll make a list of recs for you now. I’ve got no clue on video games, I’ll have to crowdsource that one but I’ll get back to you._

 

 **[From: Nathan.Miller@usaarmy.mil]**  
**[To: Clarke.Griffin@usaarmy.mil]**

_Subject: re:re:re:re:re: How’s the lung?_

_Chances? Slim to none. Depends on the recs!_

_NM_

  
Clarke sends the recommendations to Miller and they exchange a few more emails but she still doesn’t hear from Bellamy.

 

*

 

“What is the one thing you can’t wait to do when you get home?” Jasper Jordan shouts.

“What?”

Clarke is sitting opposite him on the plane transport back to Virginia. They’re on the final leg now, only a few hours to go and they’ve finally let themselves believe they’re going home.

Jasper shouts the question again and this time she hears it.

“Sleep in a bed.” Rhys sighs.

“Sleep with a woman!” Dax jokes.

“Spend a whole day, maybe two, playing video games in my pyjamas.” Jasper sighs.

“Damn straight.” Monty agrees and even though they’re on opposite sides of the plane they do their self high five, eliciting groans and rolled eyes from everyone else.

“Have a bath.” Murphy says.

“That was going to be my one.” Clarke grumbles.

“You can join me.” Murphy leers suggestively.

Clarke elbows him in the ribs.

“Actually, you can’t. I want to enjoy my bath and you would ruin it.”

“I can’t believe you want a bath, that’s so gay.” A guy, Atom, who Clarke doesn’t know that well grouches.

“If by gay you mean the 19th century British definition of the word, meaning happy and light. Then yes.” Murphy says lightly, before adding in a lower but still audibly menacing tone, “and I’m going to assume that’s what you mean because it’s the 21st century and we’ve all been getting along so well. I’d hate for that to change.”

Atom, tries to hold his glare but the combined power of Murphy and Clarke is no match for him and he turns away sheepishly.

“Ass.” Clarke mutters.

“I was going for something stronger but that’ll do.” Murphy laughs.

Clarke realises that none of them have ever talked about sexuality, she’d just assumed they weren’t total bigots. It’s comforting to know that Murphy, of all people, is on the right side.

“Ok, so I want a bath, with a glass of red wine. Then I’m going to watch any and all shitty teen vampire shows that I’ve missed.” Clarke laughs.

“That’s like three things, but I’ll allow it.” Jasper replies.

The rest of the plane ride passes easily. Discussing whether they’d rather be a werewolf, vampire or witch. And sending the occasional glare down to Atom.

Clarke is arguing with Jasper about whether vampires are inherently solo creatures or if they work better in families as pop culture is trying to say, when Kane’s voice comes over the pilots radio and says:

“And if you look to your left, you can see land. That’s the US of A. We’re almost home.”

A cheer goes up throughout the plane as everyone scrambles for a view of home.

Clarke has never been away long enough to be homesick before and she’s always hated that uber patriotism that defines Americans overseas but looking out of the window at the indistinct land below she can’t help but feel choked-up. She’s going home.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know we didn't get the Bellamy/Clarke reunion at the end but that's because this chapter was already clocking in at around 15K. So we'll get it next week.
> 
> I need to give myself deadlines because otherwise I'm basically incapable of finishing anything, so I'm going to try and publish a new chapter every Monday...
> 
> As always let me know your thoughts, good or bad!


	3. Ch, Ch, Changes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, here we go... there is fluff and angst in this chapter. And there's some trash talking about Texas and North Carolina, so sorry if that's your stomping ground.
> 
> Also, the constant I know very little about the US Army disclaimer applies.

It is never quite as simple as getting off the plane and going home. They have to debrief, recheck kit and weapons and finish any last minute paperwork. But at 1700 hours they’re free to leave for two weeks, which means Clarke just has two more hours before she can go home.

She’s in medical with Staff Sergeant Nyko re-stocking and returning her kit. Nyko was something of a mentor to her, and it’s nice to be able to talk to someone with actual medical knowledge about everything that happened.

“Do you know what happened with the woman?” Clarke asks.

Nyko pauses for a split second, which is always his tell that he’s about to lie.

“I don’t need details, just is she doing ok?” Clarke adds quickly.

“She’s making good progress.” Nyko says eventually.

“Thanks.” Clarke smiles, “I have to go and see Sergeant Major Kane before I leave.”

“I’m really proud of you Griffin. I never doubted you, but you went above and beyond. Well done.”

Clarke shrugs to hide the blush that she can feel creeping up her cheeks, but she gives Nyko a small half smile.

She’s walking to the door when it opens and in comes Miller.

“Miller!” Clarke exclaims entirely forgetting herself and throwing her arms around him in a hug, “how are you?”

She hears a cough behind him, then, “You’re still on army time Private. Protocol.”

“Sorry Sergeant Trekru.” Clarke says sheepishly, taking a step back from Miller.

“Sergeant Miller.” She nods.

“Medic,” he smirks.

“Good to see you back on your feet Nathan.” Indra says walking over to talk to Nyko.

“She likes you.” Miller grins when Indra’s out of earshot.

“Not so sure about that.” Clarke grumbles.

“Trust me. I’ve seen her threaten to court marshal Privates for less.” He chuckles.

“Anyway... how are you? What are you doing here? Are you back on active duty?”

“Woah with the questions!”

“Sorry, just a surprise.” She grins.

“I’m fine. We’re based here for the moment and technically I’m on desk duty for a few more weeks but given the guys have just got back that shouldn’t be a problem.”

Clarke always thought she had a good poker face but apparently not when it comes to Bellamy. She didn’t know they were back, or that they were here, which must be obvious because Miller says:

“You didn’t know?”

“We only got back this morning, so it’s no big deal.” Clarke says unconvincingly.

Miller looks at her shrewdly but let’s it drop.

“Where were you headed?” He asks instead.

“Need to see Kane, so his office.”

“Give me a minute to speak to Nyko and I’ll walk with you.”

Clarke nods. She tries not to think while she waits for Miller to get the all clear for minor drills but her brain doesn’t work like that. In trying not to think all she can think about is that Bellamy is there, on base. Bellamy, who she hasn’t spoken to in almost a month. Bellamy who, despite what Miller says, might have changed his mind. 

“Let’s go.” Miller says coming over to her.

Kane’s office is on the other side of base from medical so they opt to walk through the building.

“What’s your plan for your leave?” Miller asks.

“Sleep mostly.” She laughs.

“You’re in New York, right?”

“Uh, no. My family lives in Virginia, a couple of hours from here actually. I’ll probably spend most of my time there.” Clarke says distractedly. She’s trying to focus on the conversation but she can’t help look out for Bellamy, now she knows he’s here.

“Is that right.” Miller says lightly, “you know, we could have been anywhere while I’m recovering. We’re not actually stationed at one location, though of course we have preferences, and most of the time home is North Carolina. Roan wanted to be there now because he’s trying to hit on some woman he met down there, but Blake pulled rank and said we were coming here. Which is odd because he never usually cares where we’re based.”

Miller says all of that completely conversationally as if he isn’t giving Clarke the gift of reassurance, again.

Clarke smiles and checks him with her hip as they walk.

“You know, I’m starting to think SF was the wrong career path for you Sergeant Miller. You’d have made an excellent radio host, you know one of those late night ones counselling the heartbroken.” She teases. 

“No thank you. You saved my life, you get my wisdom. Everyone else can get fucked.” He laughs.

“Who’s getting fucked?” Roan says appearing on Miller’s other-side out of thin air (but actually a door to the side that Clarke hadn’t noticed).

“Half of Clarke’s unit probably.” Miller says easily, “they’re on their first leave.”

“Oh I remember those days.” Roan says wistfully.

“Keep those memories to yourself man.” Miller says as Clarke laughs.

“Medic, what, or should I say, who are you doing on your break?” Roan drawls. 

“Do you hear yourself when you speak?” Clarke rolls her eyes.

Before he can answer she says, “well at least one thing that will be happening is that you owe me a drink or two. Paid for by your ill-gotten gains.”

“Hey! Gambling is America’s pastime.”

“I think that’s baseball.” Clarke counters.

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll get you a drink,” Roan grumbles, before cheering and adding, “whenever I next see you that is.”

“Funny story, Griffin here is actually from Virginia. Lives not too far from base.” Miller grins.

“Of course she fucking does. Should’ve known. I can’t believe Blake cockblocked me for his own gain. I don’t know whether to be pissed or impressed.” Roan grouches.

“Have I told you recently how disturbing your interesting in your boss’ romantic life is?” Clarke scowls at him.

“Not recently.” Roan grins back.

Roan walks the rest of the way with them, the three of them teasing each other, easy and familiar.

“This is where we leave you Medic.” Miller grins as they get to the corridor that leads to the senior personnel offices.

“Thanks for the escort.”

“Anytime.” Roan smiles.

“I was talking to Miller.” She teases.

“One of these days you’ll admit you enjoy my charms. 

“Don’t hold your breath Sergeant Glazer.” Clarke smiles, “see you around.”

“No doubt. You can buy me a drink for all my wisdom.” Miller laughs.

“That totally classified wisdom you mean.” Clarke mock glares.

“What did I miss?” Roans asks, looking between them.

“Nothing!” They both chorus.

Clarke laughs and waves bye as she turns down the corridor to Kane’s office.

 

Kane’s assistant, in the annex outside his office, tells her that Kane is free so Clarke knocks on the door, waits for his command, then enters.

“Sergeant.” She says standing at parade rest.

“Take a seat Private.”

She does, somewhat apprehensively, she might have known Kane since before she could talk but he’s still her boss.

“There’s nothing to worry about, this is just a customary end of tour debrief.”

Clarke lets out a breath she hadn’t realised she was holding. They talk about the tour, what Clarke learnt, what she thought was the biggest challenge. It’s an easy conversation, Kane is a good man and a great soldier.

“So what are your plans for your time off? I know your mother is planning a dinner so I’ll be seeing you soon.” Kane smiles at the end of the conversation.

“Sounds like you’re more up to date than I am sir.” Clarke laughs, “my plan is sleep, sleep and more sleep. I did not realise it was possible to miss a proper mattress quite so much.”

Kane laughs, “sounds like you’ll be returning well rested at the very least.”

Kane opens the door and Clarke salutes him before stepping out into the annex where she sees her mom, and Bellamy.

“Mom!” Clarke exclaimed, shocked, eyes flitting to Bellamy.

“Hello, honey. This is a lovely surprise, I thought I wouldn’t see you until later.” Abby said pulling Clarke in for a hug. Over Abby’s shoulder Clarke took in the widening of Bellamy’s eyes as he mouths “mom?”

“Staff Sergeant Blake, did we have an appointment?” Kane was saying lightly, as Abby and Clarke pulled back.

“Nothing scheduled. I was just passing and thought you might want a debrief, but if you have plans I can come back later.”

“Oh don’t change anything on my account, I stopped by to see Marcus because I was early to get Clarke, but I can just wait.” Abby smiles.

“Honestly ma’am it’s fine.” Bellamy smiles back.

Clarke for her part just stands gaping between them all.

“Clarke, are you all ready to leave?” Kane asks startling Clarke.

“Uhh, yes. But we still have another half an hour, and I’d like to see my unit before I go.”

“Oh I’ve caused chaos.” Abby laughs.

“How about this, I can see Mrs Griffin now, and then Clarke you come back at 1700 and leave with your mother. Then Staff Sergeant Blake and I can meet at 1700. How does that sound?” Kane suggests with a smile, pleased with his solution.

“Staff Sergeant Blake?” Abby says, eyes roving over Bellamy and his uniform, “You’re the one I’ve heard about.”

Bellamy blanches briefly, but Clarke thinks she only notices because she knows him, because when he speaks it’s all charm.

“Well ma’am depending on what you heard and who you heard it from I’m going to caution that most of it was probably lies.” He chuckles.

“It was all very complimentary.” Abby smiles.

“Well in that case it was probably all true.” He grins.

Abby and Kane laugh.

“I’m going to go and get my stuff. Meet you back here, mom?” Clarke says suddenly, breaking the moment.

“Of course. 1700 apparently.”

Clarke nods to Kane, and Bellamy, “Staff Sergeant Blake.”

 

Clarke waits a split second for the dismissal from Kane and then is walking out of the room. Her brain is whirling. It’s not enough that she was seeing her mom for the first time in months, but Bellamy there as well was too much.

She’s so lost in her thoughts that she doesn’t register the footsteps jogging up behind her until Bellamy is level with her.

“Hey princess.” He grins softly down at her.

Clarke knows she should say hi, or that she missed him, or that it’s good to see him but she can’t get her brain to meet her mouth so instead she blurts:

“Were you flirting with my mom?”

Bellamy breaks into a loud laugh, but then stops abruptly at the look on Clarke’s face.

“My god, are you serious?” He asks incredulously.

“Maybe,” she mutters, “you were being very charming.”

“I am very charming.” He grins, trying hard not to laugh again.

“I’ve never seen you be charming, you were an asshole from day one with me.” She pouts.

“What can I say, you bring out the best in me.” He bumps her with his shoulder, with a smile.

Clarke huffs in response but rolls her eyes, relaxing slightly.

“I missed you.” He says quietly.

“Oh really I was very chilled about you being away.” She replies equally quietly, the corridor may be empty but they are on base still.

“That’s not what I heard.” He smirks.

“I’m going to kill Miller.” She grumbles.

“In his defence, he just told me I needed to work on my communication skills.”

“Oh yeah, I’m sure that’s all he said.” She replies, rolling her eyes.

He chuckles softly.

“Anyway, I heard that you were quite insistent about being based here, while Miller recovers.” She smiles.

Bellamy ducks his head and gives her a small smile.

“I thought it would make finally taking you out on that date a little easier if we were at least in the same state.”

“Not just a pretty face, are you Blake,” she grins up at him.

“You have no idea how much I wish we weren’t on base right now.” He sighs, as they turn the corner towards the mess hall.

“Yeah, a month away too much for you?”

“Damn straight.” He grins wolfishly, “What? You didn’t think about me?”

“Trust me it would not help you to know what I’ve been thinking.” She smiles up at him from below her lashes.

“Oh man,” he groans.

Clarke smiles at him wickedly, before leaning as close as she dares and whispering, “And I’ll be thinking about it when I’m home alone later too.”

“You’re killing me here.” He whines.

“So this date.” She grins, straightening up, “when do you have a day off?”

“Actually this Sunday.” He smiles softly at her, “Please tell me you don’t have plans.”

“Even if I do, I’ll move them. I want this too.” She smiles at him.

Before he gets chance to reply, there’s a shout from the other side of the corridor.

“Griffin, thank fuck! These two were driving me insane.” Murphy shouts, gesturing with his thumb towards Monty and Jasper.

“We just wanted to say bye!” Jasper whines.

As if at once all three of them notice who Clarke is with and stop messing around suddenly.

Bellamy just rolls his eyes at them and nods hello.

They’re just outside the mess hall, so there is no subtle way for Clarke and Bellamy to say goodbye.

“Enjoy your time off Private.” He nods to her, before adding quietly under his breath, “check your emails.”

“Try not to get yourselves arrested on break boys.” Bellamy tells Jasper, Monty and Murphy with a smirk as he walks into the mess.

The boys are all gaping at each other, except Murphy who is scowling.

“Tell your boyfriend to be less of a dick Griffin.” Murphy snarls.

“Keep your voice down.” Clarke snaps, whipping her head round to see who else is there. Thankfully, it’s just them.

“It’s not official.” She says.

“Official enough for him to be a dick.” Murphy replies.

“Maybe that’s just his personality.” Monty offers.

Clarke laughs, “maybe.”

“Who gives a fuck, we’re home free in t-minus ten minutes!” Jasper crows.

“Hell of a six months team.” Clarke grins.

“You can say that again.” Monty smiles, nudging her with his shoulder.

“Hell of a six months!” Clarke laughs.

“Who knew you were such a comedian.” Murphy snarks, but the barb doesn’t land as he throws his arm around her shoulders.

The four of them head to grab their kit and then towards the front gates.

“This is where I leave you. My mom is in with Kane, so I’ve got to meet her there.” Clarke says with a soft smile.

“Is your mom a milf?” Murphy asks, looking behind her.

“What the fuck Murphy, she’s my mom.”

“Just asking because there is a very hot older woman walking next to Sergeant Major Kane and they’re heading this way.”

Clarke whips round and sure enough there is her mom and Kane. Great, she thinks, six months of trying to convince everyone not to give her special treatment because of her surname and there’s her mom looking like best friends with Kane. And as if that’s not bad enough her entire company is there because everyone is leaving at the same time.

“It would be a real fucking shame to survive a tour overseas and die of embarrassment now.” Clarke grumbles.

“She’s hot. Nothing to worry about.” Murphy tells her with a nudge.

“Strangely not comforting.” She replies nudging him back.

“Clarkey, everyone knows your dad was a big deal but they also know what a badass you are.” Jasper tells her earnestly.

“Thanks JJ.”

“Love you Griffin. See you in two weeks.” Monty says grabbing her in a big hug.

“Protocol soldiers.” Indra says appearing from nowhere.

“By my watch sarg, it’s 1701. We’re off the clock.” Murphy grins.

“You’re still members of the US Army. Try to remember that for the next two weeks.” She says wearily.

They all stand a bit more formally as Kane arrives.

“Sergeant Trekru is right, try to remember you are always representatives of the US Army. But also, enjoy your time off. It’s been a long six months. 28th dismissed.”

Clarke whoops with the rest of the company, but hangs back as they all make for the gates. She walks over to her mother.

“Ready to go home honey.”

“So ready.” Clarke laughs.

“See you Saturday Marcus.” Abby says with a smile.

“Abigail, always lovely. Private Griffin.” He nods at Clarke.

“Sergeant Major Kane.” Clarke nods, before adding in an undertone, “I’ll apparently see you Saturday.”

He smiles at her then turns to watch the rest of the soldiers leave.

Clarke links her arm with her mother, resists taking one last glance behind her and walks out of the gates.

 

She makes it an hour at home before she caves and checks her email. There’s a message from Bellamy, sent two days before she landed back in the US.

 

 **[From: Bellamy.Blake@usaarmy.mil]**  
**[To: Clarke.Griffin@usaarmy.mil]**

  
_Subject: All in_

_Hey,_

_So Miller just bitched me out about being a shit communicator. Apparently my disappearing without a word had you a little worried. Sorry princess, that was the last thing I wanted._

_I_ _meant to email before we got deployed out but there was no time and then my phone met a bit of an unfortunate end in an explosion – I’m fine, we all are, but my phone not so much. So I couldn’t even message and then we were deep in the mission (no, I can’t tell you)._

_I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to worry you. And I know I bitched you out about communication back at the beginning and then did the same. Just so you know, me going off grid, has nothing to do with our new relationship status. In fact I made sure Ark were posted to Virginia just so I can take you on that goddamn date when you’re back. I meant what I said when we were overseas, I’m all in._

_So hopefully I’ll be able to tell you all of this in person but if not, here’s my new number and I cannot wait to see you._

_Bx_

 

Clarke smiles to herself and programs Bellamy’s new number into her phone.

 

 **Clarke:** Lucky I like you, otherwise that email could’ve been embarrassing

She doesn’t have to wait long for a response.

  
**Bellamy:** I’m secure in my feelings  
Plus Miller told me it wouldn’t hurt to make it clear how much I like you  
I do by the way  
Like you  
A lot

 **Clarke:** You’re not so bad yourself  
Which if Miller hasn’t already told you, is my way of saying I like you too  
A lot

 **Bellamy:** Miller is getting a lot of airtime in this new relationship thing we have going on

 **Clarke:** Yeah, well, he didn’t abandon me to protect and serve

 **Bellamy:** You know that’s the motto of the LAPD, right? Not the army

 **Clarke:** This we’ll defend

 **Bellamy:** Ten points  
Although I’ve always preferred Semper Fidelis

 **Clarke:** You would  
Nerd  
Should’ve been a Marine

 **Bellamy:** No thanks  
Don’t like boats

 **Clarke:** Good to know  
Guessing I don’t need boat shoes for Sunday  
De Oppresso Liber isn’t bad as latin mottos go btw

 **Bellamy:** I’ve learnt to live with it  
And no, we’re not having our first official date on a boat

 **Clarke:** Thanks for the intel  
I’ve got to go, there is a bubble bath and some shit tv with my name on it

 **Bellamy:** Always trying to get me to think about you naked

 **Clarke:** Damn straight  
Is it working?

 **Bellamy:** Always

 

*

 

Bellamy is leaning against a car in the parking lot of the restaurant when Clarke arrives.

“Are you early or am I late?” she calls over with a smile as she gets out of her car.

“Two things can be true.” He laughs coming over to her.

“Thank fuck you aren’t in uniform.” Clarke grins.

“Women generally appreciate a good uniform,” he says wry.

“And you look very handsome in yours but it means I can’t do this,” she says reaching up to kiss him.

Bellamy wraps his arms around her, one hand curling up into her hair, and pulls her in closer deepening the kiss.

They pull apart and Clarke smiles softly at him.

“I have been thinking about that for so long.” He admits.

“Me too.”

She puts her hand in his, and leans into him.

“Come on, lets get some lunch.”

“I have no idea what this place is like, but Lincoln claims it’s good, so we’ll see.” He says as they walk into the restaurant, “And I’m sorry we had to do lunch, but I have to be back on base by 19-hundred.”

“Bellamy, we could be eating Burger King in the back of your car and I wouldn’t care. It’s just nice to spend time together.” She smiles at him.

Bellamy blushes lightly, which makes Clarke grin.

“It’s like I actually want to be your girlfriend or something.” She teases.

“To be fair, I had to convince you pretty strongly.” He grins as they sit down.

“Not because of you, just the job.” She admits.

They’re halfway through their lunch, and have spent most of time shit talking their friends, but Clarke wants more. She wants to know everything about him.

“Why did you decide to become a soldier?” Clarke asks.

“Why do you ask?” he asks lightly.

“Just curious. You’re clearly good at what you do. Jaha and Kane were singing your fucking praises last night.” She says casually.

“Jaha, as in General of the Army Jaha.” Bellamy says, shocked.

“Oh, uhh, yeah. He’s a family friend.” She replied awkwardly. “Did I not mention that before?”

“Think I would’ve remembered that one.” His tone is guarded.

“Does it matter?” she asks, harsh.

“No, of course not. I knew you were well connected, I just hadn’t realised you were that well connected.” He sighs.

Clarke bristles at that.

“Seriously, after everything, you still just think of me as a military brat who got in because of her daddy and his friends.” She snaps.

“That’s not what I said.”

“It’s what you were thinking.” She shoots back, low.

“No it wasn’t. At some point you’re going to have to stop thinking the worst of me.” He grits out.

“I don’t, I wasn’t.” she mumbles, embarrassed.

There’s a pause, both of them just silent as they awkwardly eat. Clarke is the first to break it.

“I’m sorry. I spent so long being defensive about my name and family that even now, when I don’t have to be I am apparently still a dick.” She says with a small, half smile.

“I’m sorry too. I have a bit of a chip on my shoulder about privilege, I thought I was more mature and over it. Apparently not.”

“So we’re both awful and probably deserve each other.” She grins.

“Sounds about right to me.” He laughs, reaching over to take her hand.

They change the subject on to lighter things, Clarke tells him about her plans for the rest of the break. He makes her laugh with a story about Miller.

After the plates have been cleared away, Bellamy playing with his drink starts to speak:

“Earlier, the reason I was funny about you knowing Jaha is that it just reinforced how different we are.”

Clarke looks at him, her bright blue eyes finding his darker, stormier ones and raises an inquisitive eyebrow.

“I joined the Army when I was 18. It would’ve been earlier but I didn’t have a parent around to sign the forms. My dad died when I was a baby and my mom left when I was a kid. I haven’t seen her in years. I spent some time in the system before living with a distant aunt for high school.”

Clarke reaches over and stills his hand that is still playing with his glass, putting hers on top of his.

“I’m not telling you this to make you feel bad or anything.”

“Why are you telling me?” she asks, not unkindly, just curious.

“Because I like you and we are always going to be coming at things from a different place. I know about you, it seemed important you should know too.”

“Lets get out of here,” she says, signaling for the check.

 

They’re not too far from the water, so they park up and walk along the river.

“Thank you, for telling me about your family.” She’s holding his hand, walking along as close to him as she can.

“You need to know what you’re getting yourself in for.” He shrugs, embarrassed.

“Bellamy, if you being a SF officer didn’t scare me, this won’t either.” She says, nudging him.

“You’re the military princess and I’m the GI. I think Miller reads books about this shit.” He grins.

“Firstly, you’re an officer in the US Army and a goddamn Green Beret, so stop putting yourself down. And secondly, I’m no princess. We both joined up because we had something to prove. We’re not that different.” She admonishes, with a smile.

“What did you have to prove?” he asks.

“That I’m more than just my last name I guess. My whole life has been surrounded by the army, my friend Wells and I used to say that we would never sign up.”

“Well you clearly failed.” Bellamy teases.

“So did he. He’s based in Germany at the moment. When he comes back I’ll introduce you.” She smiles.

“Hmm, soldier best friend. Not sure how I feel about that.” He grins.

“Then you probably won’t like that his name is Wells Jaha.” She rolls her eyes.

Bellamy huffs in response.

“Oh my god, are you seriously jealous?” she crows, “you’re pathetic Blake.”

“Only when it comes to you apparently.” He grumbles, but looks so adorable that Clarke can’t help tugging him in for a kiss.

“Feeling reassured?” she laughs, when she pulls back.

“Feeling like we are in a far too public place to tell you what I’m actually feeling.” He grins wolfishly.

“Well given that our options are my mother’s house, where my mother who doesn’t know about you yet lives. Or an army base. I suggest you start thinking wholesome thoughts.”

Bellamy chuckles and leans in to kiss her again, “Kind of hard to do when you’re around Griffin.”

“So you haven’t told your mom we’re dating.” He says, a little later as they carry on walking.

Clarke looks up at him trying to get a read on his mood, his tone is even.

“No. We’re close but not like, tell each other everything close.” She says eventually.

“I wasn’t having a dig, just curious.” He says.

“It’s not like I don’t want to tell her, it’s just that I know she’s going to be worried… because of my dad.” Clarke says softly.

“Hey,” he says, stopping and tugging Clarke to face him, “tell her whatever, whenever. I’m not going anywhere.”

Clarke hugs him, burying her face in his chest because it’s easier than finding the words about how much he already means to her.

 

*

 

They see each other a few more times while Clarke is on leave, including a whole afternoon and evening at a friend’s place where they confirm their chemistry is as strong as it was the first night they met.

Clarke even manages to casually mention to her mother that she’s seeing someone, a soldier. She leaves out the Special Forces part and his actual name for now though. Her mother doesn’t need to hear everything at once.

She knows that if they stay posted on the same base they’ll have to come clean to Kane about the fact they’re dating, but she’s not too worried. Kane has been around long enough to know this kind of thing happens, plus she’s hoping for once her connections actually work in her favour.

She’s been back on base less than a day, not sure where they’re going to get posted yet – each time she sees someone; Murphy, Jasper, Monty, Dax, they’ve all heard something different.

Clarke and Monty are sitting in the mess discussing their possible posting to Texas.

“It’s not that I mind Texas, its just it’s Texas you know.” Clarke is complaining.

“You know I’m from Connecticut, right? I have even less desire than you to go to Texas.” Monty grins.

Clarke laughs, but then stops abruptly. As Bellamy and his unit sit down.

He’s sitting next to her across from Miller who is sitting next to Monty. Roan flanks Bellamy’s other side and Lincoln is next to Miller.

“You know Miller that weird Japanese video game rec came from Monty.” Clarke says awkwardly, trying to dispel the weirdness she feels at this new situation.

“The one where you are Godzilla? Dude that was fucking strange, and awesome.” Miller laughs, effortlessly scooping Monty into conversation that Lincoln and Roan join in.

“We’re deploying out.” Bellamy says quietly.

“Of course you are.” Clarke laughs sardonically, “when do you go?”

“In about an hour.” He replies.

“I was gearing up to give Kane a big speech about us being together and now it looks like we won’t even have a full day on base anyway.” She shrugs, trying to play it off as cool and not sad.

“It should only be a short deployment.” He says softly, knocking her knee under the table.

“Yeah, but we get reassigned at the end of the week. And we don’t know where we’ll end up.”

“Texas is the front runner.” Monty says, hearing the tail end of the conversation.

“We’ve done some time in Texas.” Roan says, “It’s alright.”

“Says the man from Texas.” Lincoln grins.

“Remember Corpus Christi? I was so bored I wanted to die.” Miller moans.

“That was nothing, remember San Antonio in August, for the whole damn month.” Bellamy grins.

“Not making us feel better guys.” Clarke laughs.

“Weren’t trying to.” Miller teases.

Clarke rolls her eyes but laughs.

They talk for a bit longer and Clarke thinks it could always be like this, just hanging out with her boyfriend and friends. But of course, real life comes back in.

“We’ve gotta go man.” Lincoln says apologetically looking at Bellamy.

“Stay safe.” She says as they all stand.

“I might be off the grid, but email and message and I’ll respond when I can.” He says softly.

Touching in uniform is forbidden so Clarke knows she won’t be able to say goodbye to Bellamy like she really wants to, but she hadn’t thought about the fact that his unit would act as shields.

Bellamy grips her shoulder and she brings her hand up to meet his, inclining her head slightly.

“Don’t die.” She tells him.

Then they’re gone, in a flurry of jokes and bro chat leaving Clarke and Monty sitting in the mess.

“You ok?” he asks.

“Don’t date a soldier.” She snarks.

“Good advice, thanks friend.” He grins.

  

 

 **[From: Clarke.Griffin@usaarmy.mil]**  
**[To: Bellamy.Blake@usaarmy.mil]**

  
_Subject: We’re not in Texas…_

_We’re in North Carolina. North Carolina, Bellamy. It’s basically home, but not! You know what happens in North Carolina, absolutely nothing. It is so quiet here. I never thought I’d miss being posted overseas but apparently, I do._

_Kane didn’t come with us. Indra did, and Sinclair, not sure if you know him but he’s a good guy. Used to be Kane’s second._

_Are you back Stateside yet? I know you can’t tell me anything but I hope all went as planned._

_I miss you._

_Cx_

 

 

 **[From: Bellamy.Blake@usaarmy.mil]**  
**[To: Clarke.Griffin@usaarmy.mil]**

  
_Subject: re: We’re not in Texas…_

_That might actually be the best news I have had this week. Yes, we’re back Stateside. Got back yesterday._

_Debriefing in Virginia. Then we’ve been called back to our primary base, which just so happens to be in North Carolina._

_Missed you too princess x_

  
Clarke grins and grabs her phone. If he’s back she can text him, which makes for a much quicker conversation.

 

 **Clarke:** Seriously?  
You’re going to be in North Carolina

 **Bellamy:** Yep

 **Clarke:** Damn  
Should’ve talked to Kane before I left

 **Bellamy:** Do you want me to?

 **Clarke:** Would you mind?

 **Bellamy:** Of course not.  
I’ll try and get a minute with him after the debrief

 **Clarke:** Shit  
This means I need to tell my mom

 **Bellamy:** Why does that sound scarier than talking to a SM

 **Clarke:** Because it is

  
Clarke hasn’t been avoiding telling her mom, she’s still mentioned the soldier boyfriend but has refrained from details. The brave thing to do would be to call her, so instead she emails.

  
**[From: Clarke.Griffin@usaarmy.mil]**  
**[To: DrAGriffin@gmail.com]**

  
_Subject: Greetings from North Carolina_

_Hey mom,_

_How’s home? Sorry it’s taken me a while to write, I wanted to get settled in properly first. While I’m based here we can go back to monthly phone check ins, if you want._

_I’m actually writing because I wanted you to hear something from me before you hear it from Marcus, which I imagine will happen in the next few days… that soldier I mentioned I was dating, it’s Staff Sergeant Blake. His name is Bellamy and we’ve been dating for a couple of months but it seems like he’s going to be posted to NC too, so we have to make it ‘Army official’_

_He’s great, a brilliant soldier and an amazing man. I think you’ll really like him, when we next get leave and you can meet him._

_Not sure when that will be, SF schedules are kind of tricky to predict as you know, but hopefully soon._

_Speak soon_

_–Clarke x_

 

Clarke waits until the end of the day to send it. Hoping that Bellamy would’ve had time to talk to Kane, and that her mom will see it too late to call.

Of course, she should never under estimate her mother.

It’s almost a week later and she still hasn’t heard from Abby.

“You know what she’s doing, don’t you. She’s making it so that I have to call her.” Clarke rants pacing the room.

“Maybe she’s busy.” Bellamy says, from the bunk he’s lying on.

“Oh no, this is peak Abby. She’s trying to get a rise out of me.” Clarke whines, still pacing.

“Which clearly isn’t working.” Miller snorts from the other bed.

“I don’t remember asking you Miller.”

“If you’re using my room to rant you get my unsolicited advice.” Miller says easily.

“I’m ranting in Bellamy’s room.” Clarke huffs.

“Also my room.” He replies.

“Just call her.” Bellamy says, “What’s the worst that could happen.”

“Jesus, it’s like you’ve never seen a horror film.” Clarke pouts falling down on the bed next to him.

They’re allowed to be next to each other as long as the door is open and they aren’t touching. It was one of the rules in the very detailed binder Kane provided them with after Bellamy told him.

“Yeah, I’m with Griffin on that. You never say that. That’s how you die.” Miller tells Bellamy.

“Yeah, seriously when it turns out she’s using her top level Army contacts to create a dossier on you, you’ll be sorry.” Clarke says, only half joking.

“You’re both mad.” Bellamy sighs.

“I’m gonna call her.” Clarke decides after about five minutes.

“What a good idea.” Bellamy snarks.

Miller snorts, but wisely says nothing.

“For that attitude I’m not going to tell you when she plans on murdering us.” Clarke whines as she stands up.

“Oh good, it can be a surprise.” Bellamy deapans.

Clarke flips him off as she leaves the room, heading to her room to call her mom. She shares with Monroe, but she’s in the gym so Clarke has the room to herself.

 

Abby picks up after two rings. 

“Hey mom.”

“Hello sweetheart, everything ok?”

“Yeah just calling for a chat.”

“Clarke you are a terrible liar, you’re calling because I didn’t respond your email.” Abby laughs lightly.

“No.” Clarke lies, “I just wanted to check in.”

“Well that’s nice darling.” Abby says, “I can’t talk for long though, I have to go to a benefit that the Governor is throwing.”

“What’s the benefit for?” Clarke asks, genuinely interested when she’s hundreds of miles away with no chance of getting made to go.

“I have no idea. Children, hospitals, Vets. All of those could be possible outcomes.” Abby laughs tiredly.

“Are you ok mom?”

“Yes, just a long week at the hospital. We had a patient ready for surgery but the organ donor fell through, so it was all hands on deck.”

Clarke pauses at that. She forgets sometimes that her mom is a highly valued surgeon who has her own life, one that doesn’t involve waiting on emails from Clarke.

“That’s why you haven’t responded.” Clarke says without thinking.

“To the email you’re 100 per cent not calling about.”

“Uhh, yeah.”

“Yes, that’s the only reason. I’m happy you’re happy, and while of course I’d love for you not to fall in love with a soldier, I can’t say I’m surprised.”

“No?”

“You’re as much my daughter as your father’s.”

“I miss him.” Clarke says sadly.

“Me too sweetheart.”

“I’ll let you go and get ready for whatever your thing is. But I’ll call next week.”

“I’d like that. And Clarke, next time you and Sergeant Blake have time off let me know and I’ll visit.”

“That would be nice.” Clarke lies, she’s in no hurry to re-introduce them.

“I love you mom.”

“You too.”

Clarke walks to dinner in the mess via Bellamy’s room. He’s in there with Roan and Miller watching something on the laptop.

“She’s not going to murder you.” Clarke says leaning against the doorframe.

“I’m so relived.” Bellamy says, dry.

“It’s worse. She wants to meet you.” Clarke trills, as she walks away.

She can hear Miller laughing as she walks down the corridor.

 

*

 **[From: Clarke.Griffin@usaarmy.mil]**  
**[To: Wells.Jaha@usaarmy.mil]**

  
_Subject: HAWAII_

_Seriously, wtf dude. How did you get posted to Hawaii? Is this your dad? Because I am going to fully lean into my contacts if it means I get Hawaii next time and not North Carolina!_

_Although NC does have its perks… yep, that was me boasting about my attractive boyfriend. I think I deserve the boast though, we had to go through a month of protocol checks when we first told Kane and even now we can’t be in my room together with the door closed. It’s like being back at school, with guns. And, also, nothing like our school because we basically got away with whatever._

_How are you? How’s the posting? My mom said, that your dad said you were commended for bravery, way to go soldier! I’m so fucking proud of you, but stay safe ok._

_My mom told me this information at the worlds most awkward lunch btw, when she met Bellamy again. It’s so strange because the first time they met it was fine but this time it was so tense. It’s like she is still not happy that he’s SF but can’t say that, so is just awkward. He, of course, was charming - which is strange because he’s mostly a dick - and they bonded over how I don’t take care of myself, so that’s something._

_I can’t believe you haven’t met him. I really thought we might have had one chance to all meet up in the last six months that I’ve been back in the states, goddamn the army for actually wanting us to do something with our time!_

_Email me back and tell me all about your life. Are you surfing? I am going to imagine you are, because it makes my life more amusing._

_Be careful_

_Cx_

*

 

“Does Bellamy know?” Monty is in her room, sitting cross-legged on her bed. 

“What? That I’m on my way to see him? I assume so, he invited me over.” Clarke says, braiding her hair.

They’ve been in NC for almost seven months now. Bellamy has moved into off base housing, which makes it slightly easier to spend time together but they still have rules to follow.

“No, smart ass. That you signed up for that medic duty.”

“Ah, that.”

“Yes, that.”

Clarke loves being closer to Bellamy, but as a medic she has felt like her time in North Carolina is not as useful as when she’s on tour. So, when Nyko mentioned they were looking for volunteers for a relief program in Haiti, she put her name down.

“No. Look nothing is certain. I might not even get a placement, I’m the most junior soldier on the sign up sheet so far.”

“Sure. That sounds like an excellent reason to lie to your boyfriend.” Monty deadpans.

“It’s not a lie. It’s an omission of the truth.”

“Hmm, make sure you explain it like that to Bellamy. That will definitely go down well.” Monty laughs.

“Funny. I’m leaving now to spend a nice evening with my boyfriend,” Clarke says sarcastically sticking her tongue out at Monty.

“Bye!” he laughs cheerily.

 

When Clarke gets to Bellamy’s he’s in the kitchen, which isn’t that unusual. He likes to cook and often cooks for her when she has a free evening.

She leans up to kiss him, and he angles his head slightly so she gets his cheek, which is unusual.

“There are beers in the fridge, or wine.” He says evenly.

“Do you want something?” Clarke asks, reaching for a wine glass.

“I’ve got a beer thanks.” He says, tone careful.

She leans on the counter and pours herself a glass of wine.

“How was your day?” she asks.

“Fine.”

Clarke scowls at his back, because he still hasn’t turned around to look at her since she came in.

“Just fine?” she asks, stony.

“Yep. Nothing worth mentioning.” He says coolly.

“Really? Because it kind of seems like something pissed you off.” Clarke says.

“No, like I said, nothing worth mentioning.”

It’s that, more than anything that tips Clarke off.

“So you’re not pissed?”

“Nope.”

“So why won’t you look at me?”

“I’m cooking.”

“Seriously.” She scoffs.

“Kitchen safety is important.” He says loftily.

Clarke slams her glass down on the counter, wine spilling over the top, but he still doesn’t turn.

“Well, since you’re so busy. I’ll come back another day. I’d hate to distract you.”

He shrugs.

“Really, Bellamy. You’re just going to let me leave. You’re really not talking to me.”

“You don’t talk to me, so it should feel familiar.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to me.”

He says nothing.

“You know what I’m not having this argument with you when you won’t even tell me what we’re arguing about. You can call me when you’ve grown up.” Clarke snaps before turning to leave the room.

“Presuming you even get cell service in Haiti, you mean.” He says nastily.

Her shoulders slump and she turns back around.

“So that’s what this is about. You’re pissed that I volunteered.”

“No Clarke, I’m fucking furious that you didn’t even tell me.” He says whirling round, his brow furrowed. “I’m pissed that you didn’t discuss it with me and I had to find out from Murphy of all people.”

“I don’t even know if they’ll accept me.” She says softly.

“For fucks sake Clarke, that’s not what this is about. This is about you not even discussing it with me, not telling me you were thinking about it.”

“I… I didn’t think you’d want me to go.” She admits.

“Of course I don’t want you to go. Why on earth would I want the woman I love to put herself in harms way. But I wouldn’t have stopped you. They’d be lucky to have you on the team, and I’d tell Nyko that myself if you asked me. But you didn’t ask me Clarke. This whole time I thought we were a team, and you’re off making huge decisions on your own.” He says sadly.

“You love me?” she says shyly.

Bellamy laughs despite himself.

“Yes, I love you. Right now I don’t particularly like you, but it’s fair to say that I am always crazy in love with you.”

“I love you too.” She says taking a step towards him.

He steps back.

“Then why didn’t you talk to me?”

“Honestly, I don’t know.” She says sitting down on the stool by the counter.

“That’s not good enough.”

“I knew it would be a thing, I guess. And I didn’t want to fight with you, not when we already get so little time together so I was just avoiding it.” She says looking down at her hands.

“Pretty cowardly move soldier.”

She looks up then, he doesn’t sound angry, just sad.

“I know. Can we talk about it now?”

“What’s to talk about? You signed up already.” He shrugs.

“I won’t go if you don’t want me to."

“I’d never ask that of you Clarke. I just wanted us to be able to be a team, talk about these things. There’s so much of my work I can’t tell you and I hate it. I don’t want any more secrets between us.” He says coming closer to her.

“It wasn’t a secret exactly.” She starts.

“Seriously princess, will you ever not argue with me.”

“Sorry, old habits.” She blushes.

“You’re lucky I love you then.” He says tucking her hair behind her ear.

“Yeah, I am. So lucky.” He kisses her then, softly, before wrapping her in a hug, “I love you so much Bell.”

The next day she goes to see Nyko and tells him that she needs to remove her name from the volunteer list.

He tells her it’s not possible, she’s already been selected based on the recommendation from Sergeant Miller.

She finds Bellamy on base straight away and tells him. He nods, and tells her he’s proud of her, unable to do any more in front of anyone else.

 

Two days before she leaves she bumps into Miller and Bellamy in the mess.

“Trying to get rid of me, Miller?”

“Well it’s not like Blake here could recommend you, it would be a little obvious.”

She’d had her suspicions but it’s good to get them confirmed.

“Although I would say that reminding Nyko who is the more senior officer probably had something to do with it too.” Lincoln grins as he joins them.

“She’s the best man for the job.” Bellamy shrugs, a small blush colouring his neck.

Their goodbye is short and sweet, they’re used to it by now – Bellamy is always disappearing off, and there are too many prying eyes on base.

She’s expecting the email though.

 

 

 **[From: Bellamy.Blake@usaarmy.mil]**  
**[To: Clarke.Griffin@usaarmy.mil]**

  
_Subject: Proud_

_I meant what I said Princess, I’m really fucking proud of you. You will be amazing and they’re lucky to have you helping._

_I need you to keep in touch though, you know I don’t do well when it’s me left behind. Miller is already telling me he won’t be my emotional support pet._

_Don’t die. I love you._

_Bx_

 

 **[From: Clarke.Griffin@usaarmy.mil]**  
**[To: Bellamy.Blake@usaarmy.mil]**

  
_Subject: re:Proud_

_It’s only for a month. I’ll be back before you know it. Miller won’t even have chance to get annoyed with you…_

_In case I didn’t say it before – thank you. For trusting me to do this, for letting me go._

_From now on, any big decisions we make together._

_I love you too._

_Cx_

 

*

 

They’re lying in bed, naked, sated. Clarke is on her front, her heard curled on her arm as Bellamy traces lazy patterns along her back. She got back from Haiti a week ago but this is the first time she’s been able to see Bellamy.

“I don’t want to move.” She grumbles.

“Then don’t.”

“If I don’t, I’ll fall asleep and we can’t have that.”

“We’ve still got time, I’ll wake you.” He says lazily.

“I hate that I can’t stay. Stupid army, stupid rules for stupid everything.” She complains and is rewarded by Bellamy’s low chuckle.

They’re in his bedroom, in his army issued house off base. Technically Clarke is allowed there – they’ve been dating for nearly a year now – but they have to be careful, she’s still not allowed to stay the night and she certainly can’t be seen in uniform.

“It’s so archaic,” she complains, not for the first time. “If we were married then they wouldn’t give a shit even though our ranks would still be the same but because we’re out of wedlock, they care.”

“Marry me then.”

Clarke splutters a laugh and turns her head to look at him.

“Bellamy, be serious.”

“I am.” he replies, rolling on his side to look at her properly.

“I wasn’t saying that so you’d ask me to marry you. I wasn’t fishing.” Clarke says carefully.

“I know you weren’t. Clarke, I love you. I know this has all moved fast, but I’m serious. I want this.”

Clarke sits up pulling the sheet with her to cover the fact that they’re having this conversation while both totally naked.

“You know generally proposals include going down on one knee, and a ring.” She says with a small smirk.

“Are you stalling because you don’t want this, or because you don’t believe I want this?” He asks, turning over and rooting around for something in his bedside table.

“I’m not stalling,” she huffs, “I just can’t work out if you really mean this.”

“Clarke,” he says turning back to her and sitting up to face her, “I really mean this.”

Clarke looks down at the small leather box in Bellamy’s hands.

“I bought the ring six months ago.” He says opening the box to reveal a yellow gold band with pave cut white diamonds along the arms, two small white diamonds and a central round cut black diamond.

“I can get down on one knee and tell you how much I love you, how you challenge me every day. Tell you how brilliant, and brave I think you are. Tell you that from pretty much the beginning I have known I’ll do anything to keep you in my life. I can do a speech if you want one, trust me I can bore on for hours about how to me you are perfect, even when you’re a pain in my ass. But the truth is I love you, you’re it for me and I want to marry you.”

“Oh my god,” Clarke breathes.

“What do you say princess, marry me?” Bellamy asks holding out the box.

“Yes, obviously. I don’t need a speech Bellamy, I just need you.” She says reaching for him and wrapping her arms around him. He holds her back, arms twining around her as she pulls back and kisses him, softly but surely.

“I think I’m meant to put this on you.” He laughs softly, picking up the box from where it had fallen between them.

“Yeah, I think so.” She grins as Bellamy slips the ring on her finger.

“It fits.”

Clarke kisses him again then, but pulls away laughing before it can turn deeper.

“Fuck, I’m going to be a wife.” She laughs.

“You’re going to be my wife.” He grins.

“I like the sound of that.”

“Me too.” He smiles, nosing his way under her jaw and pressing soft kisses along the column of her throat.

“Oh fuck.” She grumbles.

“Not the reaction I was hoping for.” He smiles, but pulls back slightly to look at her.

“There’s gonna be a tonne of army protocol for this.”

Bellamy barks out a genuine laugh at that, which makes Clarke start to giggle too.

“Worth it though.” She sighs, curling back around him. All thoughts of heading home long forgotten.

 

*

 

“To Bellamy and Clarke. May they be blissfully happy and annoying for the rest of their lives.” Roan says raising his glass.

“To Bellamy and Clarke.” Everyone echoes.

“Was that nice, it’s always so hard to tell with him.” Clarke says to Bellamy with a grin.

They’re in a bar in the city, celebrating their engagement. Abby had wanted to throw a party when she heard the news but Clarke convinced her to save her energy for the wedding. It would be hard enough getting their assembled friends around for that, let alone an engagement party too.

“Clarke you really need some female friends.” Murphy says with a smirk.

Clarke is pressed up against Bellamy’s side but turns to talk to Murphy.

“I have female friends.” She huffs.

“Yeah, you really don’t.” he laughs gesturing around.

She looks around and concedes he might have a point. Lincoln, Miller and Roan are on one side of the table with Jasper and Monty opposite them, while Dax is at the bar talking to Monroe.

“Ha! Monroe is a woman, she’s my friend.” Clarke crows pointing her out at the bar.

“Yeah, doesn’t count. She’s in our unit.” Murphy laughs.

“He’s got you there medic.” Roan drawls. Clarke fake glares at him, unaware that he was even in the conversation.

“See, you really need some female friends.” Murphy says again.

“Is this because you’re worried about this sisterhood or because you want someone to hit on?” She laughs.

She feels, rather than hears Bellamy chuckle against her.

“I can care about your lack of friends and want to get laid. I can multi-task.” Murphy smirks.

Clarke is about to respond, when the bar door opens and she sees Wells.

“Oh my god!” She laughs jumping up, “Wells!”

Clarke runs over to him and wraps him in a huge hug.

“What the hell are you doing here?”

“Bellamy didn’t tell you?” he asks, looking down at her.

“What’s Bellamy got to do with this?” she asks, looking over at where Bellamy is sitting. He’s looking at them and smiling.

“I’ll let him explain.”

“Come and meet everyone,” she grins pulling him towards the group.

“Everyone this is my best friend Wells, he is also in the army because I apparently only have one type of friend.”

Everyone laughs, and Murphy raises his hands in an ‘I told you so’ gesture.

“But we’re all off duty and I can’t be bother to go through ranks, so deal with it on your own time.” Clarke smiles.

“Wells, everyone, everyone Wells.”

Wells does a small wave of hello, as everyone choruses hi to him. But he doesn’t get chance to say any more because Clarke is dragging him to Bellamy who has stood up.

“Wells this is Sergeant Bellamy Blake. Bell, this is Private Wells Jaha.”

“I thought you weren’t doing titles.” Wells laughs as he offers his hand to Bellamy.

“I am for you two because you’re my favourites.” Clarke grins.

“So you’re the best friend.” Bellamy says, gripping Wells’ hand.

“And you’re the fiancé.” He replies gripping back.

“Damn straight.” Bellamy smiles.

“Congrats and thanks for inviting me man. It means a lot.”

“You did this?” Clarke asks Bellamy.

“Yeah, we can’t get married if I’ve never met the guy.” Bellamy laughs.

“Oh Bell,” Clarke smiles, “I really love you, you know.”

She leans in for a kiss, which she intends to be sweet and chaste, but they get carried away and it’s only the heckling of the others and Wells coming back with drinks that pulls them apart.

 

“I might be a little drunk.” Clarke says leaning on Wells later. 

“You think?” he laughs smiling down at her.

“It’s just so nice, you know. Having you here, and Bellamy.” She sighs looking over at Bellamy who is playing pool with Miller and Roan.

“It’s nice to see you happy.” Wells tells her.

“He’s nice right? You like him.”

“Does it make a difference?” he laughs.

“Maybe. No, I love him. I’d love it if you liked him but I love him anyway.”

“Then that’s all that matters.” Wells says softly, “but for what it’s worth, I do like him. I mean I don’t know him well, but from what I do know, he seems good for you.”

“He is.” She smiles, “We make a good team.”

 

*

 

It’s a bright, crisp day. September on the East Coast is always a risk but as she pulls back the curtains she sees that the sky is blue and clear and although there are some clouds on the horizon they don’t look like rain clouds, in fact it’s a beautiful day to get married.

She hears a soft knock at the door and turns as it opens. Her mother enters with her hair in rollers and a light base of make up on even though there are hours to go yet.

“Clarke, the stylists are here. Shall I send them up?”

“Of course” Clarke just barely manages to hold in her irritation, she doesn’t want all this fuss.

“It’s shaping up to be a beautiful day darling.” Abby says coming over to stand by her daughter and staring out at the water.

Clarke leans her head on her mother’s shoulder. They both look out at the boats on the bobbing on the horizon.

“He would be so proud of you Clarke.”

“I wish he was here.”

“I know, me too. But he’s always with us.” Abby says turning to hug her daughter, “and I know that he would be so happy if he was here today.”

“Thanks mom.” Clarke whispers into her mother’s hair as they hug.

They break as the hair and make up artists come into the room.

The morning goes quickly and before Clarke realises it, it’s time to get into her dress.

It’s a deceptively simple dress. Off-white with fine straps and a sweetheart neckline, it’s fitted at the waist and falls to the floor with a puddle train. There’s lace edging detail, which is her something old – it was from her mother’s dress.

Abby comes in as Clarke is putting on her necklace – a blue sapphire pendent – her something new and blue.

“You look beautiful, truly.”

Clarke smiles, “thank you.”

“The guests are starting to arrive so I’m going to go down and greet them. I’ll see you soon.”

It’s only a small wedding, family and a few friends. They’d wanted to keep it small, they both work away so much that they wanted to make sure they actually would get to spend real time with everyone.

Wells comes in as Clarke is pacing the room.

“I shouldn’t have got ready so early, now I don’t know what to do with myself.” She laughs.

“Like you would ever have sat still anyway.” He laughs with her.

“True,” she shrugs with a small smile.

Wells clears his throat awkwardly and comes to stand in front of her.

“Clarke, I know that you miss your dad every day and I know that tradition states you have to have something borrowed, so I wanted you to have this.” Wells says, handing her a box.

She opens it tentatively, inside is a chess piece – a knight. Jake taught them both to play chess but Clarke gave up half an hour in and it became something that Jake and Wells shared, playing together every time they had chance over the years.

“I know you can’t carry it down the aisle, but I wanted you to have a bit of him, a bit of both of us today.” He says.

“Oh Wells.” She says hugging him, because she knows how much the chess set means to him and how much it means today. “You are my best friend and I love you.”

“Back at you.” He says hugging her back.

“But if you’ve made me cry and ruined my make up,” Clarke laughs pulling away to check a mirror, “my mom will kill you.”

“You look beautiful.” He says sincerely.

“You don’t look so bad yourself, solider.” Clarke tells him taking in his uniform.

“Perks of marrying a solider... the uniform.” Wells smirks.

“Don’t let him hear you say that,” Clarke laughs back.

They talk for a bit, general catching up, then Wells says, “I’m going to go and see if they’re ready for us.”

Clarke is left alone as he heads out of the room. She isn’t wearing a watch on so she turns over her phone to see the time 15.05. The ceremony was meant to start at 15.00 precisely.

It’s 15.15 by the time Wells comes back up and Clarke is close to full panic mode, not helped when she sees Miller walking in behind him in full uniform.

Her first thought is of her Dad. When the officers had come to the house to deliver the news that he had died she’d been the one to answer the door. But she knows its not possible, Bellamy’s not on deployment right now, he’s here in the US.

“Is he ok?” Clarke asks Miller.

“He’s not hurt.”Miller looks at Wells then back at Clarke, clearly working up the nerve to speak.

“Will one of you tell me what the fuck is going on?” She snaps.

“He’s not coming Clarke.”Clarke feels her heart flutter, she’s certain she misheard but Miller isn’t one for pranks and certainly not on her wedding day.

“What? I don’t understand... what’s happened? Where is he?”

“He is at my place. Clarke, he wanted to... I’m sorry, he asked me to tell you. It’s over.”

Clarke grabs her phone and pulls up the number. She can’t look at them as she calls him so she turns her back, as it rings.

“Hi, you’ve reached Bellamy Blake. You know how this works.”

She calls twice more, each one going to voicemail, but she knows Miller is telling the truth, because he wouldn’t ignore her calls for no reason.

“Oh my god,” she whispers to herself. “Oh my...” Wells catches her before she falls and pulls her into him while she sobs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you watched the show you knew that last scene was coming. If you didn't, sorry, don't hate me... all will be revealed I promise. 
> 
> ETA: There is now a Bellamy/Ark POV of the final scene BUT it contains the reason that he didn't show up so read at your peril, otherwise that reason will be revealed in chapter 6. Up to you, I'm not your keeper, but don't say you weren't warned.
> 
> [Bellamy/Ark POV](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14145477)


	4. Taken (4a)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok guys a little warning, this chapter deals with a kidnap, terrorism and a minor character death and because of that it is at times quite dark. 
> 
> Also, I set this is North Africa because it is a place I know NOT because I think Muslims are terrorists. 
> 
> Standard limited military knowledge disclaimer applies.

_Three years later: Somewhere in North Africa_

 

“Medic!”

The shout rouses Clarke Griffin from the corner of the run-down house that is acting as their hospital. She had been trying to get some sleep, by her count it’s more than 30 hours since she slept for longer than an hour at a time. Conflict zones are not particularly restful.

She runs over to the stretcher than a man has just been brought in on. Carried by two soldiers, “Murphy - what have we got?”

“Civilian. Was left outside of the gates, clear injury to the leg and has been obviously beaten but we can get nothing else out of him.”

“Hello? I’m Clarke. I’m going to take care of you ok?” She knows he probably doesn’t understand but she can’t help it, she always introduces herself to patients. It’s how she was taught.

Clarke is checking all over the patient, his face is black and blue with new bruises meeting up against old. He’s got abrasions all over his arms, and his left leg is badly cut as Murphy had said.

“How did you get these bruises? Can you understand me?”

Getting no response she just huffs and grabs her stethoscope to check for breath sounds. He’s breathing right now but it doesn’t look easy. She pauses in her movements for a split second and says to Murphy, “find Corporal Wells, I need a fucking translator in here.”  
  
He nods and turns quickly to leave. Murphy might be an asshole, but it’s in an equal opportunity way not specifically targeted at her because she’s a woman and medic. They’ve done so many tours together now that they understand each other, and he does listen to her, which is more than most.  
  
Clarke concentrates on the man in front of her. She hates this part the not knowing what is wrong. She focuses on the injuries she can see and pushes everything else out of her brain.  
  
“Clarke? What do you need?” Wells says stooping in through the low rubble archway that serves as a door.  
  
“I need you to find out what happened to him.”  
  
Wells is talking to him as Clarke treats his leg. It’s a long, uneven gash that looks like it caught on something. Luckily it hasn’t gone too deep and she’ll be able to stitch him up here.  
  
“He says he fell.” Wells tells her.  
  
Clarke and Murphy both scoff, “what? Fell into a frenzied gang?” she spits.  
  
Wells just shrugs. “That’s all he’s giving me Private Griffin.”  
  
Clarke rolls her eyes.  
  
Wells turns to Murphy, “I assume he was checked for any explosives or dangerous weapons before he was brought in.”  
  
“This isn’t my first rodeo.” Murphy drawls. At the look on Wells’ face he quickly adds “Corporal” to the end of his sentence.  
  
“Can one of you apply some pressure here.” Clarke interrupts and Wells surprises her by holding the edge of the wound with gauze. He normally hates medical.  
  
“Back to guard Private.” Wells snaps at Murphy, who nods and takes his leave, not without a slightly sardonic smirk on his face.  
  
When Murphy is gone, Wells says to Clarke, “how the fuck that kid survives in the army is beyond me.”  
  
Clarke laughs because the thought has definitely crossed her mind more than once.  
  
“He’s like a cockroach, he’s good at survival.” She says fondly, injecting a local anaesthetic to the patient’s leg.  
  
Wells stays until Clarke has finished with the patient. She can’t do more than stitch his leg and give him something for the pain, but it is better than nothing.  
  
She’s washing her hands at the small sink in the corner when she sways. It’s minor but Wells notices.  
  
“When was the last time you slept?” He asks sharply, concern colouring the edges of his tone.  
  
“I got about fifteen minutes, uhh...” she looks at her watch, “two hours ago.”  
  
He raises an eyebrow.  
  
“So I’d say I’ve had almost three hours in the last 25. I’m fresh as a daisy.” She smiles wryly.  
  
“Uh huh. Get some sleep Private. Let Harper take over, she can get you if anything urgent happens.”  
  
Clarke knows that Wells is right, she will be no use to anyone if she carries on like this.  
  
“Ok.”  
  
Wells waits while she gives Harper instructions. It’s almost like he doesn’t trust her to actually go to bed.  
  
As they walk towards the tents that act as sleeping quarters, rec room and general everything space she thinks how nice it is having Wells by her side.  
  
“It’s nice to be on a posting with you.” She tells him, “even if you do outrank me now.”  
  
“Ha. I only outrank you because you won’t take the necessary steps. You know that you’d be a Corporal, hell you could go all the way to the top if you wanted that.” He says nudging her with his shoulder.  
  
“I think I’ll leave that to you. After all ‘ _service runs in the Jaha blood_ '" she says going her best impression of General Jaha.  
  
Wells laughs. “Hey, that’s a five star general you’re mocking Griffin. That’s a court marshal offence.”  
  
“I’d like to see him try,” she mutters.  
  
They both laugh, knowing that the elder Jaha has a soft spot for Clarke.

Although the Griffins and the Jaha’s have not always been in the same place at the same time - it is army life after all - Clarke and Wells managed to sustain their friendship.  
  
Army kids have a scary ability to stay in touch no matter where in the world they’re posted. It’s one of their skills. One Clarke cherishes because with Wells, he’s more than a fellow soldier, he’s a friend, a confidant, a support.  
  
They reach the tent and Clarke heads in but Wells stops.  
  
“I’m still on patrol, but go to sleep. Things will look better in the morning.” He says.  
  
The phrase takes her back, it’s what her dad used to say and Wells is one of the only people in the world that would remember. Clarke smiles softly and touches Wells’ arm.  
  
“Goodnight.” She says.  
  
“Night,” he replies, “and Clarke... it’s nice to be on posting with you too.”  
  
Clarke flops onto her bed, not worrying about noise waking the others. You don’t survive long if you can’t sleep through background noise in the army. Of course you also have to be able to wake up at the smallest things. It’s one of the many contradictions of military life.  
  
Clarke takes her boots of and puts them in their proper place. She lies back down and checks her watch, it’s 4am. She’ll sleep until morning and then start again.  
  
It’s 7am when she wakes. The rest of the tent is getting up and although she doesn’t feel particularly rested she makes moves to get up too.  
  
“Stay sleeping Griffin. Boss says you can have until 8am.” Private Monty Green tells her.  
  
A voice that sounds suspiciously like Murphy says, “ohh someone is a favourite.”  
  
If she was awake enough to roll her eyes she would, instead she flips off Murphy and rolls back over to sleep.

 

When Clarke emerges from her tent she’s met immediately by Wells.

“We’ve got incoming today. A charity has been posted with us. A couple of aid workers who are doing outreach in the local village.” He tells her.

“Is that safe?” Clarke asks.

“Probably not but it’s never stopped these guys before.”

Clarke chuckles. Wells has an antagonistic relationship with charities on the ground. He understands the need for them but thinks they get under foot.

“What do you need from me?” She asks.

“Just help if they need it. They shouldn’t but I don’t know if they’ll have a medic with them.”

“Sure thing boss.” She shrugs.

Clarke is in the med tent checking on her patient from last night when she hears the commotion of a truck pull up.

She heads outside to meet them. She lines up next to the rest of her unit and watches as a man with sandy brown floppy hair jumps down from the truck. He’s clearly in charge, giving easy commands to the rest of the people with him – two other men and a woman.

Wells walks up to introduce himself.

“Let me introduce you to the rest of the unit.”

They can hear the man meeting everyone and thanking them for their service.

Murphy, who is next to Clarke, whispers under his breath.

“I can already tell he’s going to be a dick.”

Clarke snorts but whispers back, “try and be nice.”

“This is Private Griffin, our medic.” Wells says when he gets to her.

“Private Griffin, I’m Finn Collins.” He smiles holding out his hand.

“If there’s anything I can do to assist you please let me know.” Clarke says, politely shaking his hand.

“That’s very kind of you, I’m sure there will be medical assistance my team need help with.” He smiles.

“Yes, well, if there is anything you and your team need, do come to me.” Wells says firmly, “let me show you to your lodgings.”

Over the next week Clarke sees a lot more of Finn than she was expecting. He’s often in the med tent, finds ways to take his meals with her. He is easy to talk to and she finds herself charmed despite her best efforts.

Of course, she gets called out on it.

“What’s the deal with you and Collins?” Murphy asks one night.

They’re all in their rec tent, alert but not on duty.

“Nothing. He’s just curious about what we do here.” Clarke says defensively.

“Odd, he hasn’t been to see me much. Or Monty in comms.”

“Drop it Murphy.” Monty says.

“He’s got a crush. I think it’s cute.” Harper says.

“He doesn’t have a crush.” Clarke huffs, “he’s just being friendly.”

“So what if he did. A little on base fun is not bad.” Harper says.

“It’s against protocol.” Monty says, looking up cautiously.

“Well a little flirtation is no bad thing, after all we don’t have a lot of options unless you want to hook up with a soldier.” Harper laughs.

“Can we just drop it!” Clarke snaps harsher than necessary.

“Sure, I was only teasing. Sorry Clarke.” Harper says.

Clarke feels guilty. Harper only joined up with their unit a year ago when Dax transferred out. So she’s not to know why the conversation is uncomfortable for Clarke, and wouldn’t have seen the look that Monty and Murphy shared when she mentioned dating a soldier. Or noticed the way Monty kept trying to change the subject.

“It’s fine. Just been a long day.” Clarke says lightly, trying to put Harper’s mind at ease.

Later Clarke is going to fill up her water when she hears Monty and Murphy.

“Nice going earlier asshole.” Monty says tiredly.

“I didn’t know that would happen.” He snaps back.

“What did you think would happen?”

“I don’t know, I just don’t like Collins. I didn’t know that it would end up being about Blake.”

“It’s always about him, you know that.”

“It’s been years.” Murphy replies.

“And?”

Clarke hears movement then, so scuttles away back to their tent, but she doesn’t sleep well. Her dreams are full of a man with wild hair and dark eyes who is always just out of reach.

It’s that more than anything that probably leads to her impulsive decision the next morning.

 

“Finn is taking his team to a village and I said I’d go with them.” Clarke tells Wells.

“Is that so?” He asks looking up from his paper work.

“I mean, if it’s ok with you sir. They think they might need a medic.” Clarke adds, amending her tone to reflect Wells’ superiority.

“As long as Harper can deputise for you here then it’s fine with me. Back before sundown.” Wells says.

Clarke nods and turns to leave her tent but Wells stops her.

“Clarke, why the sudden desire to go with them?” He asks carefully.

“Just want to help.” She shrugs.

Clarke can tell Wells doesn’t believe her but he doesn’t push it. Just nods.

She updates Harper, who after her previous comments the night before wisely says nothing. Clarke doesn’t tell the rest of her unit, she’ll let Harper fill them in, she’s not in the mood for their opinions.

“All set.” She says going over to Finn where he’s prepping the truck.

“Great.” He smiles before looking at her and frowning slightly.

“Something wrong?”

“They’re not generally very receptive of the army.” He says looking her up and down her uniform.

“I have scrubs I can change into, but I have to do it on the way. It’s not strictly allowed.” Clarke says after a beat.

“Perfect.”

When the truck is about ten minutes away from the base she gets changed. Clarke notices the way Finn’s eyes catch hers, determinedly staying on face level, as she shimmies out of her trousers and into scrubs. She manages to change her top without ever baring any skin – another unexpected skill from the army.

She tucks her tags into her top and grins in the mirror at Finn, “there. Just a doctor now.”

Finn explains that the village they’re going to is caught in the middle of the conflict. A lot of people have been made pawns in it against their will, with the local militia withholding food, water and medicine.

“What is it you need from me?” She asks.

“Mostly, just general check ups. I don’t think there’ll be too much other than that.”

They spend the morning in the village, handing out water and food. Clarke does minimum health checks, but there’s not much she can do without a full kit and the people are wary, nervous of strangers. The local guys standing in groups at the edge of the village don’t help the tensions. She’s seen more than one AK-47 and Assault 44 on them, to say nothing of the pistols she’s sure are hidden on their person. She understands it, it’s war, but it makes her nervous to be so outgunned.

They’re taking a break from the midday heat when it happens. Clarke and Finn are sitting in the back of the truck – the boot providing shade – the other three are grabbing the final supplies to pack back up.

Clarke knows what’s going to happen a split second before it does. She sees the old Renault drive in, blocking the road, she sees a man move a group further back. But she only puts it together as it happens. She has enough time to hook her arm around Finn’s waist and pull him back, flat into the truck, with her but it’s too late to do more. The ground is already shaking from the explosion, she can smell gasoline in the air and hear nothing but ringing in her ears.

When her hearing does return, she hears gunfire and thinks this is it. She only hopes its quick.

Finn tries to move, but Clarke keeps him pinned down.

“Stay still.” She hisses.

“The others.” He says frantically.

“We can’t. Our best chance is to stay here for now.”

She doesn’t say that it’s likely already to late for them. That if the explosion didn’t kill them the gunfire probably would.

Clarke waits eyes locked with Finn. She can see the terror in them and tries to remain calm, remember her training.

The gunfire stops as abruptly as it began and she hears voices coming closer. She doesn’t speak much Arabic, but she knows the word for bodies. They’re coming to check if they’re dead. This is it.

A young man, his face partially covered comes to check the car – pointing his rifle at them and shouting when he sees they’re alive.

Finn speaks before she can stop him.

“Please, don’t shoot we’re charity. We’re with the cross.”

Clarke watches the confusion sweep behind the man’s eyes.

“Please,” Finn begs, “We’re with the cross. American charity.”

She sees the moment he recognises the word American, she sees it in his eyes. Registers it in the excited tone he uses to shout to his friends.

They pull her and Finn out of the car roughly, tying their arms and pushing them into the back of a flat bed truck. She has no time to do or say anything before a hood is pushed over her head and the world goes hazy.

Clarke tries to stay upright, to face the way she thinks they’re heading, but the terrain is too bumpy and she gets thrown about too much. She tries to remember her training but all she can think about is that this is it.

That last night she dreamt of Bellamy and he’ll never know.

That Wells will blame himself for letting her go.

That Murphy, Monty, Jasper and Harper will suffer the loss of someone from the unit for the first time.

That her mom will be left alone.

After she’s not sure how long they’ve travelled before the truck stops and she’s pulled out roughly. An arm is put around her throat and she can feel a gun at her back as she’s pushed ahead.

The hood is pulled off her suddenly and she blinks furiously into the sunlight.

“Well, well. When they told me they had Americans I didn’t think you’d be so lovely.” A man, not much older than her, says in lightly accented English.

Clarke doesn’t say anything.

“What’s a pretty girl like you doing so far from home?” the man asks.

“We’re just here to help.” Clarke says her voice shaky.

“But we don’t want your help. You and your people are destroying my country.” He says calmly but his tone is like ice.

“We were just giving out food and water.” Clarke tries.

The man stares at Clarke for a long moment but doesn’t say anything else to her. Instead he barks orders in Arabic and again she’s being forced to walk. She tries to take in as much of her surroundings as she can. It’s a small house structure of some kind, with a central courtyard and a low wall surrounding them.

She gets pushed into a small concrete structure that she thinks was once some kind of shed. It’s got four concrete walls, a haphazard corrugated roof and a wooden door, with bars across the top where a window should be. The man pushes her in roughly and she hears the bolts of the door lock behind her.

Clarke stumbles, her eyes adjusting in the darkness – the only light coming from the gaps in the roof and the bars in the door.

“Clarke?” Finn croaks, “Oh thank god.”

Her eyes adjust and she sees him trying to stand. He has a cut on his face, and is favouring his right side.

“Are you hurt?” she whispers.

“It’s nothing. When you weren’t with me, I thought, my god, I thought… those bastards…” He breathes.

“I’m ok.” She says, more to reassure herself than anything.

“It’ll be alright. Your unit will look for you, right? The army will come.”

“Keep your fucking voice down.” She snaps.

“It’s not like any of them speak English.” He replies, hurt.

“You don’t know that.” She whisper, “And right now they think I’m with you. I’d like to keep it that way.”

Clarke knows what happens to foreign soldiers here.

“Help me with these.” She says to Finn.

She can’t reach her tags by herself, not with her hands tied like this, but she needs to take them off. He helps her pull the tags off, and they bury them in a corner of the room.

Then she sits down opposite him and they wait.

A few hours have passed, she’s not sure how many because she can’t see her watch and they’ve had no interaction with anyone other than one kid pushing some water through the gaps in the bars.

“What do you think will happen to us?” Finn says.

“Honestly?”

“No. Fake answer.” He smiles sadly.

“We’ll be fine. Someone will come for us.” She smiles back.

“Real answer now.”

“Someone will come for us. I just don’t know when or how and if we’ll be alive to see it.” Clarke replies, voice flat.

Finn is silent.

“I’m sorry. Don’t listen to me, we need to stay positive.” Clarke says, knocking his leg lightly with hers.

“I asked.” He shrugs.

They lapse into silence again. Clarke can distantly hear the call to prayers, and sees that day is turning to evening when she speaks again.

“Why did you join the charity?”

“I wanted to help, you know? I’ve always believed that people are more than the war, that they’re more than their circumstances. I wanted to make a difference.”

“There are plenty of less dangerous ways to do that.”

“Yeah, what would you know about it.” He asks sarcastically.

“Fair. But I didn’t join the _‘charity’_ to make a difference,” she replies, “It’s all I’ve ever known.”

“I grew up in that world. My dad was big up in the _‘charity’_ ,” Clarke says, “we moved around my whole life but that was the constant, his job and his sense of duty.”

“He sounds like a good guy.” Finn says kindly.

“He was.” She replies.

“I’m sorry.”

“He was actually working when it happened. He helped people, but couldn’t help himself.” She shrugs.

Clarke bites her lip, a small tear rolling down her cheek. She didn’t want to cry. She wanted to be strong, but they’re here, alone, and all she can think of is her dad.

“So much for being positive, huh.” Finn says dryly.

It breaks a watery laugh out of Clarke.

“Good point. Ok, top five films of all time – go!” she smiles.

A guard brings them some food, it’s bread and some meat sauce. He brings more water too but says nothing and doesn’t respond to their questioning.

He does seem to understand that they can’t eat with their hands behind their backs because he comes back with another guard who unties their hands, retying them in front of them.

There are guns on them the whole time, but he stills says in broken English: “try to run. Die.”

Clarke nods and sees Finn do the same out of the corner of her eye.

They try and sleep but it’s cold at night and the ground is hard, plus it’s hard to get comfortable with your arms tied.

At some point in the middle of the night when Clarke has been awake for hours trying to think of a way out, Finn speaks softly.

“Do you have someone at home? Someone who worries, someone who loves you.”

“I have my mother.”

“That’s not what I meant.” He replies.

“No, I know. I uhh, I’m dating this girl but it’s not serious. She’d be sad, sure, but it’s not like her world would end.” Clarke replies honestly.

“What about you?”

“I have a friend, she was more than that once she was my childhood sweetheart but I screwed it up. But even now, if she knew what was going on, she wouldn’t rest until she found me.” He says.

“I had someone like that. He would have found me anywhere in the world.” She says sadly.

“What happened?”

“He stopped looking I guess.”

She can tell Finn wants to ask more, but she doesn’t want to speak about Bellamy so instead she says, “we should try and sleep.”

Her tone is final, leaving no room for argument.

“Sure. Sleep well.”

She huffs a small laugh, “you too.”

 

They’re awake before the sun, too on alert, too scared to sleep.

It’s around mid-morning, the heat creeping into the room. They’ve had no water and their repeated pleas are met with silence. Clarke knows they’re trying to break them, she knows how easily it could all end.

When the door opens, there’s a burst of sunlight that sends both her and Finn blinking back into the darkness. It’s obscured quickly though by four men coming in to the cell making it feel even small.

Two of them grab for Clarke, they have her by each arm and even if they weren’t pointing an assault rifle at her she’d still go with them, there’s little choice. Finn doesn’t seem to have thought that part through though.

“Wait! Where are you taking her? Leave her alone.” He shouts, starting towards them.

“Finn!” Clarke screams, as one of the men hits him in the head with the butt of his rifle, and kicks him in the ribs when he’s down.

“Please, please,” Clarke pleads turning her head back as she’s brought out into the courtyard, “let me look at him, he could be hurt.”

They ignore her, dragging her forward across the courtyard. Clarke keeps trying to turn until a very sharp dig in the ribs stops her. It’s the tip of a gun, she looks up into the eyes of the man who did it and sees in his eyes that he is saying next time it will be fired.

Just as her eyes have adjusted to the sunshine, she’s pushed through a doorway into a sparsely furnished room.

There’s a table, and one wall has a militia flag pinned to it but other than that she can’t see much else. There’s a laptop and some papers but she’s too far away from them to be able to make anything out.

She gets pushed roughly into a chair and the men keep their guns trained on her. After less than five minutes the man from yesterday comes into the room.

He says something in Arabic before sitting down across from her.

“Now, if I untie you, be sensible ok. There’s nowhere for you to run and we’d hate to have to kill you. Currently you’re more valuable alive.”

“I won’t run.”

“Good.” He says, smiling as if this is all normal.

The man next to her unties her wrists and Clarke rubs where the bindings have cut into her, rolling her wrists backwards and forwards.

As she’s doing that a pitcher of water and two glasses are placed on the table. She eyes the water greedily, but does nothing, still trying to work out if it’s a trap or not.

“Drink?” he asks.

She nods, and he pours the water.

She waits a beat before guzzling it down. He chuckles, and refills her glass, which she accepts eagerly again. He fills it for a third time before taking a sip of his own.

“I hear your name is Clarke.”

She nods.

“Surname or first name? Actually it is of no matter to me. My name is Mohammed. It was not my given name, I foolishly took an Anglicized name during my time in London and Chicago but I’ve returned now and that’s what matters.”

She doesn’t say anything, it doesn’t seem necessary.

“Oh that’s right. I’m not the monster your government would have you believe. I’m educated, well-travelled. I’m not the enemy, I just want my country back. And you’re going to help me do that.”

“Is that so.” She snarls, without thinking.

“Yes. You see Clarke, you are going to help me or I’m going to kill your friend.” He says it lightly, easily, as if this a normal conversation.

“What do you need me to do?” she asks.

“Right now, you’re useful to me. You are leverage. Many of our army have been wrongly imprisoned, we’ll use you as a trade.” He says.

Clarke’s heart sinks.

“The American government doesn’t negotiate with terrorists.” She says flat.

“That’s not a problem, I’m not a terrorist. Besides the British are actually the ones holding our men. I was going to use you to force the Americans to force the British to negotiate.” He replies.

“They won’t negotiate.” She says again.

“Why don’t you let me deal with that.” He says.

Then he’s on his feet; calling out in Arabic and his men are coming into the room.

“And Clarke, you’d better hope they do negotiate. Or you’re dead.” He says softly, leaning down to speak in her ear.

They make her sit on a chair in front of the flag, she watches as they set up the video equipment. She holds the newspaper they give her and says the things she has to say, she tries to keep her voice even and the tears out of her eyes, but she’s not sure how successful she is.

When it’s done, they go to tie her hands again.

“Please,” she pleads to Mohammed, “we won’t try and run, but please let us have our hands untied.”

He glances over at her, his face emotionless.

“Maybe tomorrow.” He shrugs.

They push her back into the cell, where she sees Finn bruised and bloody. He has a black eye and lacerations on one side of his face but without any bandages or even free hands there’s nothing she can do.

“Water, please.” She pleads to the young boy guarding them but his face is impassive.

For the first time in the last 24 hours the hopelessness of Clarke’s situation hits her and she breaks down, sliding down against the wall silent sobs wracking her body. Finn slides his way over to her.

“Shh, shh,” he says leaning softly next to her, “We’ll be ok Clarke, it will be ok.”

He murmurs comforting words as she leans into him and cries.

By nightfall Clarke has stopped crying, but she still leans on Finn. They’re talking softly about nothing, exchanging stories of people and places, films and books, songs and sunrises – anything that takes them away from their reality.

Something is thrown dropped through the bars in the door, and Clarke is instantly alert, her first thought that it’s a bomb. She’s scrambling to her feet when something else is dropped through.

Water.

Two bottles of water.

“Thank you.” She whispers to the boy on the door, who once again, shows no sign of having heard her.

“Lets share this one and save the other.” Clarke says to Finn.

The water lifts the spirits and they sleep as much as they can. They hide the empty bottles, not wanting the boy to get in trouble. The next day they’re allowed to have their hands untied.

Hope blooms in Clarke’s chest.

  
After what she thinks is almost a week, she thinks she should have known better than to have hope.

“No one is coming.” Finn says for the hundredth time.

“They are.”

“It’s been days Clarke, face it. No one is coming to save us.”

Privately, she feels the same but she refuses to admit it.

“They will come, I know they will.” She says emphatically. She has to believe it.

“So interesting story…” Mohammed says from the doorway.

His voice startles them and they whirl round. Clarke hadn’t even known he was there.

“I have a friend in the ministry and he tells me that there were only four people on the charity mission that day. Three men and a woman.”

Clarke doesn’t dare risk a glance at Finn she keeps her face emotionless.

“And my men found two male bodies and what we think was a female body in the village. So, which one of you is not who you say you are?”

“We told you, we’re both with the charity but we were on separate missions, we just joined together for that day.” Clarke says thinking fast.

“Is that right.” Mohammed says, clearly not believing a word.

Clarke hears something in Arabic that she knows means ‘search’ and suddenly the door is being opened.

She’s trying to think of something to do – if they search they’ll find not only the water bottles but also probably her tags – but she’s tired, dehydrated and scared. She’s not thinking as fast as usual. Before she can string anything together she’s being restrained on one side of the room, Finn on the other.

Both of them are patted down and when that yields no results, Mohammed motions around to the rest of the room. His eyes instantly landing on the water bottles in the corner.

“Someone has been helping you.” He says, pointing to one of his men to get the bottles.

“No. No one. I stole them.” Finn says quickly.

“You know how we punish thieves here, we cut off their hands.” Mohammed says idly, reaching for a knife on his leg.

Clarke goes to speak, to do something but before she can she sees a flash of silver in the corner of her eye.

One of Mohammed’s men is holding up her dirt-covered tags. Mohammed reaches for them, a triumphant glint in his eyes.

“Well, well, well. Private Clarke Griffin of the US Army.” He smirks, “you’re more of a prize than I thought. I think we might need to make a more… compelling, video.”

The pit drops out of her stomach. This is it, she’s seen those videos, she knows they only end one way.

“But first…” he starts before switching to Arabic. Suddenly the boy that’s been helping them is in the room too.

Clarke doesn’t know what’s being said but she is being held by the throat and can’t move, forced to watch as they boy gets given a pistol and Finn gets pushed in front of him.

“No, please no.” Finn pleads and Clarke’s voice mingles with his.

“Don’t do this, please don’t do this.” She repeats.

The boy’s hand is shaking and she sees him start to lower the gun, when Mohammed places a hand on his shoulder and says something. Suddenly the boy fires.

Clarke can smell the gunpowder, can feel the air move, can hear the ringing in her ears.

“No!” She screams as Finn falls.

Everything happens at once and she’s dimly aware that she’s been let go, that the men are leaving the cell.

She goes to Finn, falling on her knees next to him.

“It’s ok, it’s ok.” She tells him. He’s been shot in the stomach and already she can see he’s bleeding too much for her to help.

He tries to speak.

“Don’t speak. It will be ok, it will be alright.” She says crying. Her hands are pressing on his wound and she’s looking him in the eyes.

Clarke hears something that sounds like an explosion and then the pop of rounds.

“Hear that? They’re coming, you just have to hold on ok.” She tells him, tears rolling down her cheeks, “They’re here, hold on. Just stay with me ok.”

“Clarke,” he croaks.

“Don’t talk, it will be ok.”

“I need you to find my friend. Find Raven and tell her…” He says drawing a shuddering breath.

When he speaks again there’s blood on his lips and Clarke knows they’ve run out of time, the army came too late.

“Tell her, I love her and I’m sorry.” He says.

“Tell her yourself.” Clarke cries, holding Finn’s head in her lap.

“Promise.” He sighs.

“I promise, but Finn they’re here. Just hold on, please, please hold on.”

But it’s too late.

“No.” she cries, cradling his body.

Clarke is aware of gunshots around her but she can’t make her body move. She doesn’t care anymore. Doesn’t know how long she stays there, holding him.

Everything happens in fragments.

She can hear the whir of a helicopter above her. She is aware that someone is saying something but she can’t make out the words. A strong hand is pulling her up and away from Finn.

She’s in the middle of the courtyard a man in US army uniform, his face covered with goggles and a scarf, protected from the sand. He’s saying something she isn’t listening to.

The helicopter hovers above them, sand whirling around them. The harness comes down and the soldier puts one part over her and the other over his shoulders. He pulls her towards him before raising his arm and signaling to the helicopter.

Clarke is aware they’re being lifted off the ground. She puts her arms on the harness and the soldier grips her closer to him.

She watches the hut as she rises into the sky, leaving Finn behind.

Strong hands grip her and pull her into the helicopter before reaching for the man who helped her.

The noises are still too loud. She still feels a million miles away.

But then the man is speaking and the voice breaks through.

“This is Ark Unit,” he says as he takes off his goggles.

He’s looking straight at her and she sees the brown eyes she’s stared into a thousand times, starring back at her concerned.

He pulls the fabric that was covering his face down as he speaks into his radio, “I repeat, this is Ark Unit. Extraction complete. Primary recovered.”

And there, through her tears, through the fog of what just happened is Bellamy Blake, sitting across from her in a helicopter.

There’s a pause that must only be seconds but feels like eternities to Clarke. It stretches as she stares at him.

Then the shock breaks through and the reality of seeing him for the first time in three years confronts her. Her body takes over, and before she can think it through, Clarke leans slightly forward and slaps him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh, I know dark and not happy Bellarke - sorry! 
> 
> I know this was shorter than usual but I've actually done a Bellamy POV of this and was going to try and weave them together but couldn't work out how so I'll post it as a separate 'b' chapter.


	5. Bring Her Home (4b)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bellamy's POV of Clarke's capture and rescue.
> 
> I've upped the rating on this because there is talk of kidnap, torture and beheadings. So if you want to skip this one, totally understand.

Bellamy scrubs his hand tiredly over his face as he makes his way over to his men. Roan, Lincoln and Miller are sitting at a table in the mess, cups of coffee in front of them.

“Nope, no way. I know that look.” Roan says when Bellamy approaches.

“Is one of those for me?” Bellamy asks pointing to the spare coffee mug.

“Only if you’re not about to tell us we’re not going back out.” Roan says.

“Guess I’ll get my own then.” Bellamy sighs sitting down.

He accepts the coffee Lincoln slides slowly over to him as they all get their complaints out.

“Guys, I know.” Bellamy says over the top of them, “believe me I’m as tired as you are but Alpha unit got delayed and top brass needs to send someone now.”

“We’ve just got back.” Miller sighs to no one in particular.

“Believe me man, I’m aware. But this is the job.”

“I know, I just wish we weren’t so fucking good at it.” Roan snarks, raising smiles from the others.

“Look, as far as I know it’s a simple extraction. We’ve got this. We’re out of here in T-90, so make sure your house is in order.” Bellamy says standing.

He leaves his team behind, grumbling about orders, but he knows them. When the time comes, they’ll be ready.

 

They're somewhere over the North Atlantic when Bellamy remembers he hasn't given the guys their briefing docs, hasn’t even glanced at it himself.

"Here." He says handing the Manila folders to everyone.

He's just about to open his when Lincoln says, "hey it says here that we're rendezvousing with the 28th, isn't that..."

He pauses briefly but Miller jumps in.

"Monty's unit, yeah." Miller says.

Monty and Miller have kept in touch over the last few years, bonding over video games and obscure wrestling references.

"So that means..." Roan says gently.

"Clarke's unit too. Unless she transferred out." Bellamy says affecting a determinedly even tone, avoiding eye contact.

They don't talk about what happened, and they don't talk about Clarke. He knows Miller crosses paths with her occasionally but it's never mentioned.

"It's a job guys, like any other. It says we're getting some charity worker so the 28 will probably be a quick stop." Bellamy says, aiming for convincing.

"Now get some rest. It's wheels down in five hours." He tells them closing his eyes.

Even though they only got back from their last mission yesterday and just minutes ago Bellamy felt like he could sleep for days, now he can’t. He can’t stop thinking about seeing Clarke again.

His mind works overtime for the rest of the flight, even when he is dozing he’s dreaming of her, and when he’s not he’s working over scenarios for avoiding Clarke he’s working on ones for seeking her out.

 

The ride from the airstrip to the base is about an hour. The four of them have been working together so long at this point that most of what they do is second nature, but Bellamy still makes them run through their kit and the likely procedures. If it helps him take his mind off seeing Clarke again, well that’s just a lucky coincidence.

It’s early evening when they arrive at the base and Wells is the first person they see when they get out of the rover, which doesn’t fill Bellamy with confidence.

He has seen Wells twice since everything with Clarke happened and both times the man was civil in a way that made it clear just how much he hated Bellamy.

“You shouldn’t be here.” Wells says, when the four of them get out of the vehicle.

“Nice to see you too man.” Roan mutters under his breath.

“Look, I know I’m not your favourite person, but I’m here to do my job.” Bellamy snaps, “I’ll stay out of your, and her, way.”

“You don’t know.” Wells says almost to himself.

“Know what?” Miller asks.

Wells takes a deep breath, steadying himself before handing over a brown envelope to Bellamy.

Bellamy glance up at Wells, who he thinks is behaving strangely, as he pulls the sheet of paper out of the envelope.

When he looks down the first thing he sees is Clarke’s face looking up at him. Her hair is braided and she looks distinctly unimpressed, it’s a photo he’s seen before. It’s on her army ID.

His eyes glance up to Wells again and the other man is looking at him with concern.

“The extraction is of two American nationals.” Wells says carefully.

He looks back down at the briefing document. The top page is her personnel details and has classified over it in big red letters but he can see Clarke’s details.

He hands the document to Miller and the others.

He hears Miller curse quietly.

“I think you need to tell us what the fuck is going on.” Bellamy says coldly to Wells.

Wells nods, “Follow me.”

They walk through the camp to a tent, Bellamy feels eyes on them but he’s looking straight ahead, focusing on nothing.

The tent they enter has computer screens set up and a big table in the middle, there are a few people in there already working.

“Out!” Wells orders and everyone jumps up.

Bellamy recognises one of the men as Jasper, but doesn’t acknowledge him. All he can think about it Clarke.

When the tent is empty, Wells leans against a desk.

“You guys might want to sit.” He says, tiredly.

“You might want to tell us what the fuck happened.” Bellamy snarls.

“Blake, come on.” Lincoln says, putting a reassuring hand on Bellamy’s shoulder, which Bellamy instantly brushes off.

“No. We were told it was some charity worker, why were we kept in the dark.” Bellamy snaps.

“Look, it’s classified. You know the Government’s position is not to negotiate with terrorists so this all has to be kept top secret.”

“Terrorists?” Miller asks.

“Look, just let me debrief you and then you can ask all your questions.” Wells says.

Everyone except Bellamy sits down, he just leans forward his arms on the back of a chair, every muscle coiled and tense.

“The conflict here is affecting the locals more than anyone realised, so we’ve had a few charities set up with us since we’ve been here. The latest was a team from the Cross.” Wells begins.

“They were with us for about a week, going off each day no drama. Then on Monday, Clarke wanted to go with them. She asked me and I approved it.” Wells pauses and Bellamy can see the guilt on the other man’s face.

“We didn’t need her here and she was cleared to go as long as she was back by sundown. When she hadn’t checked in, I asked the guys if anyone had seen her or the charity team – no one had.”

“I sent a unit out straight away,”

“Protocol is to wait until they’ve been gone four hours.” Miller interrupts.

“Fuck protocol. It was Clarke, if she says she’ll be back by a certain time she always is. She doesn’t break her promises.” Wells snaps, the last bit is said with a nasty glare at Bellamy.

Miller raises his hands, “Hey man, I’m not saying you’re wrong, just asking the question.”

“We knew which village they were heading to so I sent Murphy and a couple of the guys out to check. As soon as he got there he radioed in that there’d been an explosion in the village. There were bodies, but no sign of Clarke. However he did find her uniform left on the side of a road.”

“Fuck.” Roan swears.

Bellamy clenches his jaw, his hands grip the back of the chair but he doesn’t say anything.

“Are there problems with locals around here?” Lincoln asks.

“Yes, and that was our first thought too. I got my guys checking all radio chatter and phone signals but you know it’s not that simple.” Wells says.

“I alerted HQ and got the go ahead for a sweep of the nearest villages the next day. It gave us nothing. People were either too scared or too defiant to talk.”

Bellamy wants to ask how they know where Clarke is, how they know she’s still alive but he can’t bring himself to say the words.

He glances at Miller who seems to understand.

“But we’re here for an extraction. How do you know Clarke is still alive?” Miller asks.

“Because at the on the second day we received this.”

Wells hits a button and suddenly Clarke’s face is filling the computer screen. Bellamy moves closer involuntarily.

“My name is Clarke Griffin, I am an American citizen.”

He stares at the screen. He hair is wavy and matted, she has cuts on one side of her face and he can see the tears in her eyes but her voice is strong.

Bellamy misses most of what is said, too busy staring at her, he knows he will have to watch it again. His brain kicks back in just before the video ends.

“Release the innocent men you have captive. Failure to do this will result in the loss of more lives.” Clarke says.

Then a voice off camera says: “You have five days to return our men or we kill her.” And then the screen goes black.

“When was this sent?” Bellamy demands, turning to Wells.

“Tuesday.” 

“It’s Thursday now, why the fuck are we only just finding out about this.” Roan snaps.

“As soon as we got this video, I sent it up the chain but these things take time. We went as fast as we could.” Wells says evenly.

“Not fast enough. It’s Clarke.” Bellamy snarls.

“How dare you.” Wells seethes. He stands up, inches from Bellamy.

“You think I don’t know that, you think that everyone from my men to Kane and my father are not 100 per cent involved in this.” Wells snaps.

“Where the fuck have you been the last few years to come in and accuse me of not caring. I’ve put pressure on at every level, as soon as I had this video I was in communication with HQ. I have my men working round the clock on this trying to leverage relationships with the locals, ping gps signals. You don’t get to come in and tell me I’m not doing enough. Fuck you Blake.”

Bellamy doesn’t think he has ever seen Wells so angry. The younger man is emanating pure rage and Bellamy doesn’t blame him. After a long tense, silence, Bellamy breaks.

“I’m sorry. It’s just, Clarke.” He says eventually.

“If you can’t handle this, then I want you gone.” Wells replies, cold, staring at Bellamy, trying to search his face.

“No fucking way. I’m in this.” Bellamy replies, “What else have you got.”

Wells waits a beat, then nods.

“So, we think she’s being held by a local cell. They’re not terrorists exactly, more like wannabes. But that actually isn’t comforting.”

“Loose canons, more likely to make mistakes.” Lincoln suggests.

“Exactly. But it does mean we have intelligence on them.”

Wells walks to the edge of the tent and says something to one of the men outside quickly before returning.

“The unit based out here before us, kept seeing suspicious activity in the villages. Problem was it was only at a local level so they couldn’t intervene but they flagged it and it was logged.”

“Sir?” Monty puts his head in.

“Come in. I assume no introductions are necessary.” Wells says as Monty comes in the tent.

Monty nods at everyone, narrowing his eyes at Bellamy but then turns to Wells who is speaking again.

“They’re up to speed to where we are now, can you fill us in on the intel we have so far.”

“Sir. So I was able to enhance the video,” Monty says, walking over to the screen sitting down and tapping a few keys. “by bringing up the background track you can hear the call to prayers just as the video shuts off.”

Monty plays the audio track, it’s less than a few seconds, and Bellamy isn’t really sure what he’s listening for.

“But call to prayers happen everywhere in this country.” Bellamy says.

“They do, but what most people don’t know is that most are done by different muezzin’s and each one is distinctive. However, in more remote regions often the call is recorded and so a few different mosques can have the same muezzin.” Monty says.

“So it’s a needle in haystack?” Miller asks.

“Not exactly. We created a perimeter and worked from there. The village is less than an hour out from here, so we worked on the premise of travel an hour in each direction from there and then cast the net out further.” Monty tells them.

“And we got a radius.” Wells says.

“It’s five hours out from here.” Monty says pulling up a map.

“That’s pretty fucking populated.” Roan comments.

“I know. That’s why we’re working on limiting it. We’re in contact with Langley to see what they have on any known activity in the area and we’ve got a team going out tonight to get in drone range to look for heat signatures.” Wells says.

“We’ve got someone good at Langley, used to be a field agent but now desk-side.” Bellamy says to Monty, “who are you dealing with.”

“She goes by Echo.” Monty replies. 

“No you want Raven. Miller, can we get hold of Reyes?” Bellamy says.

The adrenaline is taking over, he knows this part of a mission, when they’re putting the pieces together.

“We can’t.” Wells says.

“What do you mean we can’t? She’s the best.” Bellamy growls.

Wells flips over a whiteboard and Bellamy sees Clarke’s face staring at him again, next to her is a man Bellamy vaguely recognises.

“Is that Collins?” Roan asks, walking over to the board.

“Yep. Finn Collins, part of the US Aid Mission and charity worker for the Cross. He also happens to be the man that Clarke was captured with and ex-boyfriend of Raven Reyes.” Wells sighs.

“Fuck.” Bellamy hisses, slamming his hand on the table.

Bellamy feels the weariness creeping back into his bones. He slumps down against the table, studying the whiteboard in front of him.

“Permission to speak out of rank, sir?” Monty says looking at Wells.

Wells nods.

“Not to state the obvious, but Bellamy is here. If he is allowed to be in the field in a mission concerning his ex-fiancée I don’t see why this Reyes person can’t help from Langley.”

Bellamy glares at Monty, but doesn’t say anything. It’s true after all.

“Because Bellamy shouldn’t be here. Alpha unit was requested but they were delayed in the mid East. Ark are the best but it had to be signed off by about a thousand different levels and in the end it was only a personal appeal from Abby to my dad that made it happen.”

Bellamy’s head snaps to Wells at that. It’s a surprise, of all the people he assumed hated him he thought Abby would be leading the queue.

“She might hate you but no one can deny you guys are the best.” Wells shrugs.

“Ok, so what if we go into it from a different angle,” Lincoln suggests.

“I’m all ears.” Wells replies.

“We thought we were coming just for the charity worker, right? We knew nothing about Clarke. So what if Reyes thinks she’s just helping find Clarke. 

“It’s not protocol.” Wells says.

“We are way past protocol. Reyes is the best, if anyone can dig up information on these guys it’s her.” Roan says.

“If it goes wrong, we could be court marshalled, she could lose her job.” Wells says.

“If it goes wrong we lose Clarke.” Bellamy says quietly.

“I’m not saying we don’t do it, but I need everyone to know what’s at stake. Monty, I won’t order you to do it but if you do agree then I’ll take the blowback if there is any.” Wells says.

“Same guys, I won’t order it. And I’ll take the flak.” Bellamy says to Miller, Roan and Lincoln.

He doesn’t add that if it goes wrong and they lose Clarke, that he doesn’t know what he’d do, that he’d probably leave the army anyway.

“You’ll take nothing Blake. It was my idea, if there’s a problem I can defend myself.” Lincoln says.

“Obviously I’m in.” Monty adds.

“Me too.” Miller says.

“I’m messaging Reyes to see if she can get secure comms.” Roan tells them, not glancing up from his tablet.

“I’ll take that to mean he’s in too.” Wells deadpans.

“She can conference in five. Green, can you send her the details.” Roan says.

“If we’ve got five. I could go some coffee.” Lincoln says.

“I’ll come with you.” Wells replies.

Lincoln pats Bellamy on the shoulder as he leaves. Bellamy stands and goes over to the whiteboard, he reads the notes that have been written – the vital stats, last known locations etc. – but his eyes just keep returning to Clarke’s face.

Monty and Roan are over at the computer, getting the sat phone set up for the call. 

“I’m not going to ask if you’re ok.” Miller says quietly, coming to stand next to him, “because I know you’d just lie to me.”

Bellamy shrugs at that, but he doesn’t say anything.

“No one would think worse of you if this is too much.”

“It’s not.” Bellamy replies strongly.

“If at any point it is…” Miller lets the sentence hang.

“I’d rather be here, you know. If I knew this was happening, if someone else was responsible for getting her back I wouldn’t be able to cope.” Bellamy replies honestly.

Miller claps him on the shoulder and nods.

By the time Wells and Lincoln come back in with coffees the sat phone is set up and Bellamy, Roan, Monty and Miller are sitting around the table, with notebooks spread out in front of them. Wells and Lincoln take a seat too and they dial in.

“Reyes.” Raven says instead of hello.

“Reyes, always a pleasure.” Roan drawls. “I’ve got Blake, Firwood, Miller. Private Green and Corporal Jaha with me.”

“Woo, the big guns,” Raven whistles, “What’s up?”

“Jaha here. We’re in North Africa and one of my unit has been kidnapped by someone we think has ties to a bigger organisation. The unit before us, the 63, flagged a few things and we need to see what you guys know.”

“Sure. Give me all the information you have.” Raven says.

Monty pulls up a tablet and starts typing.

“Reyes, the person that’s been taken… its Private Clarke Griffin.” Miller tells her.

There’s a pause, then:

“Shit. Blake you good?”

“I’ve got this.” Bellamy says, avoiding the eyes of everyone around him.

“Course you have. Ok, I’ve just got the info.”

There’s a brief pause as she goes through everything and when she speaks again her tone is more controlled, cautious.

“Just checking I’ve got this right. Griffin was taken Monday, from a village near the base where she was working with a charity.”

The guys exchange looks – the charity information was not meant to be in there.

“Seriously guys. You didn’t think I’d put this together with the case I’m not allowed within a thousand feet of.” She snaps.

“It’s Finn isn’t it? The other national taken.” She says quietly.

“Yes.” Bellamy admits, “And it’s basically breaking a whole binder full of rules for you to be involved but you’re the best and, it’s… Clarke.”

“And Finn. Ok. Well I’m in, obviously.”

“Raven, you know you could lose your job over this.” Lincoln says carefully.

“Of course. But if I don’t help you and someone fucks it up I’d never be able to forgive myself and would be no good at my job anyway.” She says emphatically.

“Is this everything you guys have?” She asks.

Bellamy glances at Wells who nods.

“There’s a video but it’s classified up to President levels.” Wells says.

“Will it help me to see it, or do you think you have everything?” She asks curiously.

“I think it would help. I’m good and I’ve been able to isolate markers to help with a location but I wasn’t looking for who was holding her, just where.” Monty says.

“Ok. Send it over. Green, I have secure channels set up, we’ll talk just us after this.” Raven tells them.

They spend a further five minutes going over everything they have and she promises to update them once she has everything.

Monty switches the call off speaker, and speaks to her privately.

“You guys should try and get some rest.” Wells tells the others.

“There’s nothing you can do right now.” He continues before Bellamy can argue, “The drone team are going out at 2300, you can’t go with but you can be on comms.”

“Why can’t we go with?” Miller asks mildly.

“Because if something happens to them, we’d be down and it would take too long to get another team out here before the Sunday deadline.” Bellamy says, seriously.

The implications of what that would mean reverberate around the tent.

“Jaha is right. We need to bed down. I want to go in on Saturday am, which only gives us tomorrow to recon.”

“Sterling,” Wells says calling a man in from outside, “show these guys to their tent.”

“Sir.” He nods, and turns around waiting for them to follow.

 

Bellamy surprises himself and actually manages to sleep. Lincoln shakes him awake at 22.30.

“Monty’s set up everything in comms for us.” He says.

Bellamy gets up, instantly alert. He’s always been good at the interrupted sleep of the army and with Clarke’s life on the line, he feels even more pressure to be on.

“Wells is briefing the drone team now, if you want in.” Roan says, as Bellamy leaves the tent they’ve been sleeping in.

“Sure, lead the way.”

There are four soldiers being briefed by Wells when Bellamy makes his way over, he recognises two of them – Murphy and Jasper – but not the others.

“We’re looking for heat signatures. You don’t need to get too close and under no circumstances do I want you to engage. This is a recon mission.”

“So if they’re there you just want us to leave them?” Murphy asks.

“Yes, because you’ll be two hours out without backup. I want you on Comms the whole time and as soon as we get good information we’ll use it. But SF are here for the extraction, and we need to leave it to them because they know what they’re doing.”

“Yeah we should trust him.” Jasper mutters under his breath.

“What was that Jordan?” Wells snaps.

“Nothing sir.” Jasper says, his eyes flitting guiltily over to Bellamy.

Bellamy isn’t mad, he gets it – these are Clarke’s people. He knows he’d feel the same if the situation was reversed.

Wells finishes briefing them and the guys head to the Rover. Bellamy and his men head to the comms tent.

“We don’t all need to be up for this, you guys should try and sleep.” Bellamy tells them.

“We’ll be fine. Besides you know Linc can sleep anywhere, he’ll just put his head down on the table if he’s tired.” Roan grins.

Bellamy doesn’t bother arguing, he knows them, they’re showing support the only way they know how.

They’re in the comms tent with Wells and Monty, no one is really speaking, it’s tense and awkward – their shared history acting as a barrier between them all.

They hear the crackle of the radio unit, surprising them all. The rover team aren’t meant to be in position for another hour at least.

“…why it has to be him.”

“Because it does.”

There’s more static and then they hear another voice.

“Look, we all know what he did to Clarke was shitty but the way I see it that’s a good thing. He might be a dick, but he won’t let her down again.”

There’s a pause and then Bellamy huffs out a laugh.

“I can’t believe Murphy of all people is on my side.”

It breaks the tension in the room.

“I can’t believe they don’t know how to turn off their radio chatter.” Monty says, rolling his eyes, “We’re sending them on a recon mission and they can’t even switch to the private channel.”

“Rover One, come in Rover One.” Well says.

“Rover One receiving.”

“This is a reminder that your comms is on open channel.”

There’s a pause and a muffled curse before they come back on the radio. 

“Copy that, sir.”

Wells puts the radio down and turns to look at Bellamy.

“I’d say sorry, but…” he shrugs.

“It’s fine. We’re all aware of how fucked up this is. We just need to focus on getting them back. Getting Clarke back, alive.”

They all agree but are interrupted from anything further by a Sat call.

“It’s Raven.” Monty says, picking up the phone after a nod from Wells.

“Uh, huh, yeah. Everyone’s here, do you want me to put you on speaker?” Monty says.

Raven must say yes, because her voice is suddenly filling the tent.

“Dream team, always a pleasure.” She snarks.

“What have you got Reyes?” Bellamy asks.

“I’m sending everything through to you guys but basically you were right, it is a group with ties to extremism but ties in the vaguest sense of the word. The main guy, Mohammed, has been on the Brits radar for a while but is not really flagging much with us. I’ve got a call in to a friend I trust in the UK but with the time differences, etc, I won’t get it until the am. 

“Do we think that’s who has her?”

“Not sure. Last intel we have on him he was in Kenya. Now it’s not a million miles away but they tend to be pretty hot on border security over there, so it should have been flagged.”

“Have you checked with the Kenyans?”

“Of course. Also I’m combing his financials to see if he has any holdings in the area or if he’s got any known associates but it’s slow going because I can’t exactly put it out across Langley.”

“It’s really useful Raven, thank you.” Wells says sincerely.

“There’s uhh, one other thing…” Raven pauses.

“What is it?” Miller asks.

“These guys haven’t been active for that long, about a year as far as we can tell but they’ve really amped up their methods in the last few months. I’ve sent some videos in the package to Monty that I got from the Dutch and French. The thing is, they’re not pleasant.”

Bellamy thinks he knows where she’s going with this but he needs her to get there quicker.

“Spit it out Reyes.”

“If their demands aren’t met by the deadline, they kill the captive, on film.” She says slowly, as if the words are costing her.

Bellamy guessed it was coming but it doesn’t make it easier.

“The French guy was an aid worker, so they shot him but the Dutch guy was military, and well, they drew the process out.”

The implications of Raven’s words sink in.

“I’ll keep working my end, and you do the same but guys you need to find them and get them out before Sunday. Or it will be too late.”

“Understood. Stay in touch.” Roan says.

“You too.”

There’s a pause, then Bellamy stands up suddenly, knocking his chair over.

“Fuck!”

“We knew this was a possibility, we are better off than we were before.” Miller says evenly. 

“I know but, fucking hell. I hate this.” Bellamy snaps.

“We all do.” Wells says, and Bellamy thinks he looks as broken as Bellamy feels.

“I need to take a walk,” Wells says, “Private Green, have you got this?”

Monty salutes and Wells nods at him. He leaves the tent without looking at the others before.

Bellamy is pacing in front of the whiteboard, trying to get his thoughts in order. The tent is silent except for the sound of Monty typing when Lincoln speaks up

“Look, it’ll be a while until we hear anything. Why don’t you take a break?” Lincoln suggests.

“I don’t need one.” Bellamy snaps.

“No one is saying you do. But it’s not too late back home – you could call Octavia.” Miller suggests.

Bellamy knows he’s being handled but he’s too wired to do much about it.

“Fine. Someone come and get me if we hear anything.”

His men all nod.

Bellamy messages Octavia to see if she’s around. He tries to close his eyes as he waits for her response but every time he does all he can see is Clarke’s face.

Bellamy is Skyping when he sees Wells enter the tent.

“I’ve gotta go.” He says.

“Ok. Stay safe. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

He ends the call and turns to Wells who looks seriously pissed off.

“Really? Speaking with your girlfriend before going to rescue your ex. Even for you that’s low.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” Bellamy replies evenly. 

“Whatever. It’s none of my business.”

“She’s not my girlfriend.” Bellamy says, it feels important that Wells understands.

“Sounded pretty cosy to me. 

“I’m not going to explain everything to you because the only person that deserves an explanation is Clarke, but, I don’t have a girlfriend, I was talking to my sister.”

Bellamy can see the confusion and questions warring across Wells’ face. Eventually Wells speaks:

“You know Clarke might not want to hear that explanation, right? What you did. Leaving her like that. It didn’t break her, but it came damn close.”

Bellamy doesn’t say anything so Wells continues.

“If this mission is just about proving something...”

“Even if she never wants to speak to me again, I just want her back safe.”

Wells nods.

“What did you want?” Bellamy asks tiredly.

“We’ve heard from the drone team - they think they’ve found something.” Wells tells him.

Bellamy follows after Wells into the tent, where Jasper’s voice is coming out of the radio.

“It’s on the East edge of town, about a mile out of the way. We’re sending the images back now but it looks like some kind of compound, with patrols all around it. It might not be them, but whatever it is they don’t want people getting in.” Jasper says.

Monty is pulling up the images they’ve sent back.

“Ok, it looks like they’ve got two on each side. With four inside.” Miller says, pointing to the screen.

“What’s this?” Bellamy asks pointing to the lower left corner. “Can you enlarge it?”

Monty enlarges the image.

“Either that is one large motherfucker or two people huddled together.” Roan says.

“I’m going with the latter, look someone is positioned outside.” Lincoln says.

“Good work guys, head back.” Wells tells the team.

“Copy that.” Murphy replies.

Monty places the printed off images on the table, alongside a map.

“It’s a lead, but we need more.” Wells sighs.

“Can we send the co-ordinates to Raven? Get her to check the records, see who, if anyone, owns it.” Roan suggests.

“Good idea. Monty, can you get on that?” Wells says.

“What do you think?” Miller asks Bellamy.

“I think they’re there but Wells is right, we need more. If we go in and we’re wrong, we lose a day.” Bellamy says tiredly, running his hand tiredly through his hair.

“Apparently working hours are not something Raven believes in. She’s on it now.” Monty tells them.

“Can you check any aerial footage we have and look for mosques in the area?” Bellamy ask Monty.

“Good idea.” Wells tells him.

“Bingo.” Monty says, pulling up the images. He points to screen, there’s the compound overhead and then in the left, less than a mile away is a mosque minaret.

“If we hear back from Raven we go in today.” Bellamy says turning to his men, “We want to be certain but I don’t want to wait too long, you heard what she said.”

The others nod. They start to plan the best way to get there, what to do.

Raven contacts them after about 30 minutes. She doesn’t bother with any preamble.

“Ok, I can’t link that property to Mohammed directly but he spent all his summers in the village nearby, his grandmother lived there or something. I can’t 100 per cent say that’s where they are, and if I were you I’d try to get eyes on the place in daylight, but yeah it seems like the best option.”

“Thanks Raven.” Bellamy says.

“Of course.” She says hanging up.

“Is there any way we can get drone footage in the am?” Bellamy asks Monty.

“Maybe, we have longer capacity daylight drones but it would need to be approved by HQ.” He replies.

Bellamy looks at Wells, who is picking up a phone receiver.

“Already on it.” Wells nods.

Bellamy turns back to his unit who are all sitting around the table with notes and maps in front of them.

“Providing the daylight footage backs up what we think, we go in midday tomorrow. It’s Friday, so hopefully we’ll be able to get them when they’re resting.”

“Can’t guarantee that though boss, they don’t seem like the most devout lot if they’re willing to kidnap.” Lincoln says.

“True. Which is why we’ll need to be prepared as usual. Standard extraction plan, I think we do it like we did in Istanbul.” Bellamy tells them.

“So you go in alone?” Miller asks.

“Something you want to say Miller?” Bellamy grits out, not liking Miller’s questioning tone.

“Are you sure you should be the one taking point on this?” Miller replies.

“I always take point. Are you suggesting I’m not up to it?” Bellamy snaps.

“Of course not but we know the compound is heavily guarded...” Miller trails off. 

“Which is why you three will be my cover in the sky.” 

“Look, if we get the daylight images back and it looks more complicated than we think, then we’ll do what we did in Kabul and put two men in but for now, it’s just me.”

They talk over details for another 45 minutes before Bellamy orders them all to bed. He lies back on his bunk and closes his eyes, sending a prayer to whoever is up there that they’ll get Clarke back. That he’ll have a chance to explain, to tell her how sorry he is. To tell her he still loves her.

  

Bellamy walks towards the helicopter, Roan, Lincoln and Miller in front of him. He sees Wells walking towards him out of the corner of his eye, and stops.

“What is it Jaha? We’re on the clock here.” Bellamy sighs.

Wells holds out his hand, Bellamy looks at it for a split second too long before grasping it in a quick shake.

“Bring her home.”

“Copy that.” Bellamy nods.

Bellamy climbs into the helicopter and Roan gives the pilot the nod.

The pilot lets them know when they’re five minutes out.

“Ok, we all know the stakes on this one so you don’t need reminding. The objective is to get them out alive. I’m going straight for them. Miller take point from up here, Lincoln you’re on the left providing cover and Roan you’re on the six.”

“We’ve got this Blake.” Miller says, face serious.

“Gear up.” Bellamy tells them, pulling down his goggles and covering his face with a scarf.

He checks his gun, again before tapping his head to tell the team to switch to their helmet comms.

“Eyes sharp.” Bellamy tells them all as the pilot gives the hover signal.

Lincoln flings the rope down, waiting for it to land before he gives Bellamy the nod. Bellamy slides down the rope with ease. He hears the gunshots as soon as they land, sees the men, boys really, coming towards him.

He fires, hitting one man who drops instantly.

“Go for the Primary,” he hears Miller roar in his comms, “we’ve got you.”

Bellamy heads towards the location they think Clarke is in, he doesn’t give himself chance to worry that she won’t be there. The amount of men and weapons convinces him that they were right.

He gets to the shed-type structure that they spotted on the map. Peering through the door, it’s dark but he thinks he can see someone.

He hears crying, “no, no please.”

“They’re here.” He radios.

He knocks the lock off the door and wrenches it open, the sunlight spills into the dark space and he see Clarke crouched on the ground, Finn’s body in her lap. There’s so much blood and he can see that it’s too late for Finn.

“Come on.” He shouts, but Clarke doesn’t look like she’s heard him.

Bellamy reaches out his hand, she grabs it and lets him pull her up, and away.

“I’ve got her, lets get out of here.” He says, running back towards the courtyard, shielding Clarke behind him.

The harness comes down, he’s aware of the sound of his guys providing cover fire but he can see there’s no one else left.

He puts the harness over Clarke, then over himself before pulling her close to him. He gives the signal and they start to rise in the air.

Bellamy tries to look at her, to see if she’s ok but all he can see is her blonde hair whipping around her dirty, tear-stained face. He pulls her tighter, putting his legs around her to anchor her.

As they get close to the helicopter he hears Lincoln in his comms:

“Ok, pass her up.”

Bellamy taps her shoulder to get her attention and motions upwards. He thinks she understands and then suddenly two pairs of arms are pulling her away from him into the helicopter.

He follows into the helicopter moments later.

She’s sitting across from him, not really looking at anything.

He is staring at her, unable to take his eyes off her. She looks tired, shocked, but alive. 

“This is Ark Unit. I repeat this is Ark Unit. Extraction complete. Primary recovered.” Bellamy says switching onto the main radio channel and pulling off his goggles and his scarf down.

He sees her blue eyes fill with shock and pain for a split second as they lock eyes, she is staring at him and he wants to say something, say anything but he doesn’t know what.

She leans forwards half an inch and before Bellamy knows what’s happening she slaps him. A proper, full-handed slap that sends his head to the side.

When he turns back to look at her, her chest is heaving but she is glaring at him, defiant. Her eyes full of questions.

“We had a deal,” he shouts, struggling to be heard over the roar of the helicopter, “Don’t die.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh... sorry! Come and yell at me on [tumblr](http://oh-darlingheart.tumblr.com/) if you want.
> 
> I just want to say how much it means to me that you guys are invested in this and commenting - it really does brighten my day.


	6. What Becomes of the Broken Hearted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of the slap...
> 
> Also I am pretending that May I Have This Dance came out three years ago because it's my universe and I can do what I want, plus I love the song and it fits the story.
> 
> Usual I know nothing about the US Military disclaimer applies.

“We had a deal?” Clarke splutters incredulously.

There’s a pause where nothing but the sound of the helicopter fills the space. Clarke is so angry she can barely form a sentence.

“A deal?” She snarls, “Yeah we had a fucking deal but then you abandoned me so you don’t get to comment.”

She ignores the flash of hurt that flits across his face. He doesn’t get to be the one who is hurt, not here, not now.

Bellamy looks like he wants to say more but Clarke doesn’t want to hear it. She looks away from him and finally notices the other guys in the helicopter, although they’ve all got shades on she recognises Miller, Roan and Lincoln.

Lincoln is sitting directly in front of her and leans forward.

“Hey medic, I need to check you over ok?” He says, his voice calm.

She nods, her eyes finding his steady dark gaze.

“Are you hurt?” He asks her.

“Nothing serious, a few cuts and bruises. They didn’t... they mostly just left us alone.” She says quietly.

He nods and squeezes her hand once.

“Ok, you’ve got a nasty bump on your head,” he says and Clarke puts her hand gingerly up to her head wincing when it comes back with blood on it. She hadn’t even noticed.

“So I need you to follow the torch light for me. Great.” Lincoln says, holding a small torch up. “And you might have concussion so if your vision starts to blur...”

“I know how concussion works,” she grumbles.

“Humour me.”

Clarke rolls her eyes but nods for him to continue.

“If your vision blurs, or you feel dizzy or sick, or anything seems out of the ordinary I need you to let me know, ok?”

“Well, he’s here. I’d say that’s pretty out of the fucking ordinary.” Clarke snaps throwing a glare at Bellamy.

Bellamy opens his mouth to reply but before he can say anything Clarke sees him hold up his hand to his comms.

“Yes sir. Copy that.” He says.

Bellamy leans forward and Clarke keeps herself statue still as he comes within a hairbreadth of her shoulder but he doesn’t touch her just says something to the pilot.

“We’ve got orders to re-route,” he shouts to them all when he sits back down.

Clarke let’s out a shaky breath, which doesn’t go unnoticed but thankfully it’s Lincoln that checks on her.

“Do you need something? Food? Something to drink?” He asks.

“I’m guessing the strongest thing you have on here is water.” She tries to joke.

At Lincoln’s wry smile, she says, “well then that will have to do. 

She accepts the bottle gratefully.

“Wheels down in approximately an hour.” Bellamy tells them all.

Clarke turns her head away from him to stare out of the window. She can feel his eyes on her but she doesn’t turn back.

She closes her eyes and tries to get her breathing under control, tries to focus on that above anything else but she can’t. She can still smell the gunpowder, the blood. Still feel the weight of Finn’s body in her arms.

Clarke’s eyes snap back open and she can see Bellamy, out of the corner of her eye, move a tiny fraction towards her. She shifts in her seat and moves further away from him.

She closes her eyes again and tries to remember the compartmentalising strategies that the therapist she saw after her Dad died, told her. Take the things that are cluttering your mind, making it hard to breathe, and file them away in boxes for later reflection.

She tries to do that, she really does but she can’t put Finn in a box, it’s too much like a coffin.

And she can’t put Bellamy in a box because that box is locked shut in the back of her mind and to open it again, to even go near it, is too much.

She opens her eyes and glances around.

Lincoln is sketching something. Roan and Miller are playing cards. Bellamy is holding a book in his lap but is staring at her not the pages.

“I need a distraction,” she shouts to no one in particular.

Bellamy starts to speak but she turns to him, gaze cold.

“Not from you. I need nothing from you.”

Miller looks over at her, he’s not wearing his shades any more so she can see as his eyes rake over the bruises on her face and the blood on her scrubs.

“I can do a dramatic reading of the Harry Potter series.”

“He actually can.” Lincoln says.

“Uhh, let’s save that one for back up.” She laughs.

“I’m going to assume you still don’t bake.” Roan says.

“Huh?" 

The helicopter is loud and they’re shouting to be heard.

Suddenly a helmet lands on her head and Clarke startles for a second but relaxes as she sees Roan put his own back on and hears his voice in her ear.

“I said, I’m going to assume you still don’t know how to bake.”

“I’m still an army medic with zero down time so, yes, you assume correctly.” She smiles.

“You’ve read Matilda, right?”

Clarke nods.

“So this is how you make the giant chocolate cake that Bruce Bogtrotter ate.”

Clarke can’t stop the laugh that comes up unbidden. Roan takes it as a good sign and continues.

“You start by melting chocolate, now you want good dark chocolate, about 10 oz of it, and you melt it with the same amount of butter, in a glass bowl over hot water. You need to do this slowly, you need patience.”

Clarke relaxes, lets her eyes flutter closed, as Roan tells her how to make a cake. There are little asides from Lincoln and Miller, teasing him for being such a baking nerd.

“When the chocolate is melted sieve 4 oz cocoa powder into a mixing bowl and pour 180ml of bowling water over the top. Stir until it’s all dissolved.

Throughout it all Bellamy remains silent.

When she sneaks a glance at him, during an interlude where Roan is explaining the difference between ganache and standard icing, she realises that Bellamy is quiet because he can’t hear what’s happening. He gave her his helmet.

As though he feels her eyes on him he glances over at her and give her the tiniest half smile. A smile that Clarke ignores, turning away from him and closing her eyes again.

Roan is explaining the importance of fully cooling a cake before you ice it when the pilots voice comes over the radio, “wheels down in ten.”

Clarke opens her eyes and glances out of the window. When she doesn’t recognise the landscape she panics.

“What the hell? Where are we?”

“We’ve been rerouted to Alexandria.” Lincoln says.

“But my unit, Wells. Do they know, what do they think?” She whirls, her breath coming out in short gasps, panic threatening to overtake her. 

“Clarke, listen to me. It’s ok. They’re on their way there too. We had orders from HQ to get you to the military hospital there. It’s all standard procedure, I promise.” Bellamy tells her calmly.

“Yeah, well excuse me if your promises don’t mean much.” She spits at Bellamy.

But despite everything she feels herself calm down, being mad at Bellamy is something she knows. Plus he wouldn’t mess around with orders.

They land at the base and instantly get bundled into a Rover. Bellamy sits up front with the driver and she’s in the back next to Roan, Lincoln and Miller opposite her.

“Thanks for the cake talk.” She says quietly to Roan.

“Any time medic. If you could stop scaring the shit out of us that would be most appreciated.” He replies nudging her.

“I’ll see what I can do.” Clarke smiles tiredly.

Clarke rests her head on Roan’s shoulder as they drive on. She closes her eyes and doesn’t notice the sad look that Bellamy gives her, or the way that Miller and Lincoln keep glancing worriedly at Bellamy. She just listens to them all talking about what they’re going to do next. Listens as Miller snarks that all the cake talk made him hungry.

She doesn’t think she’ll ever be able to sleep again after everything she’s just been through but the security of being in the rover, with them. Their voices acting as a lullaby means she does.

Clarke wakes with a start when the rover stops.

“Come on. The medics need to check the medic.” Lincoln is saying.

She lets them help her out of the rover, and walks between Lincoln and Miller. She can tell that they’re making sure there’s always distance between her and Bellamy but she can’t tell if that’s for her benefit or his. 

They walk Clarke into the hospital building.

She pauses, just briefly, on the threshold of the med bay. Not wanting to be in a small space with anyone she doesn’t know.

“You’re safe Clarke, it’s ok. We’re not going anywhere. We’ll be right outside.” Bellamy says softly.

“I don’t want you anywhere near me.” Clarke snarls at him, before walking into the room and shutting the door.

The doctor checks her over, ignoring her protests that she’s fine. They leave her to shower and Clarke stands under the stream of water and watches as the water goes from a reddish-brown to clear. When the water has been running clear for five minutes Clarke gets out and changes into the clean hospital gown they’ve laid out for her.

 

They must give her something to sleep along with the pain meds because although she doesn’t think she’ll ever sleep properly again, she does, waking up to the sound of raised voices outside her room.

“I don’t give a fuck what you want.” She hears Wells snap.

Wells.

Clarke’s eyes fill with tears at the thought of seeing her friend again.

“You’ll have to physical move me.” She hears Bellamy growl as she moves towards the door.

“That can be arranged.” Wells replies, hard.

Clarke opens the door and sees Wells and Bellamy standing inches apart glaring at each other, as Roan, Miller and Lincoln stand just behind Bellamy. Ready to intervene if necessary.

“Wells?” Clarke croaks, her voice wobbly.

“Clarke!” He exclaims turning to her. 

He wraps her in a huge hug and Clarke feels herself sink into him.

He manoeuvres her back into her room and kicks the door shut behind him. When it’s just them he pulls back, studying her.

“Wells, I’m fine.” Clarke sighs.

“We’ve been friends for too long for you to lie to me like that.” He tells her.

“I’m physically fine. Emotionally, who the fuck knows.” Clarke huffs.

“That’s more like it.” Wells grins. “Here, this might help.”

He hands her a huge backpack that she hadn’t even noticed.

“Is that my stuff?” She exclaims.

“Yeah, we’ve packed up and have been sent to Egypt for a couple of days of R&R before heading home.”

Clarke rummages in her back and pulls out a t-shirt and some standard issue army trousers.

“You’re spending the night in here.” Wells says, when he sees what she’s got, “so you might want something a bit comfier.”

“I’m not spending the night.” Clarke says, indignant.

“You are. And even if I didn’t agree with the decision, which by the way, I do, I can’t change it. Your mother spoke to the head doctor when you were asleep, and then my dad backed it up.”

“Wow, the OG Jaha/Griffin power duo.” Clarke smirks.

“Yep. No one is getting past that.” Wells says smiling.

He sobers slightly and adds: “Abby is really worried. I promised that I’d get you to call her asap, she doesn’t care what time.”

“Ok, let me get changed and I’ll call her.” Clarke says.

She comes back from the bathroom changed into a t-shirt and sweatpants. Wells hands her a tablet and tells her he’ll just be outside before giving her some privacy.

 

Clarke thinks that Abby must have her tablet right next to her because it only rings once before her face is on the screen.

“Hi mom.” Clarke smiles.

“Oh darling.” Abby says.

That’s all it takes for Clarke to break. The tears fall down her face and she’s unable to stop them.

“I’m ok, mom.” She manages to get out between sobs.

“Clarke, I love you. It’s ok, you’re safe.” Abby repeats, soothing her as best she can from a distance.

When Clarke stops crying Abby says:

“I’ve seen the notes from your doctor. You need rest and fluids.”

Clarke nods.

“Clarke, honey, rest. We’ll speak tomorrow. I love you.”

“I love you too mom.”

Clarke hangs up the call and tries to wipe her face. Wipe the tears away. She gets up and opens the door.

Wells is standing in front of it, standing guard with his back to her. She touches him on the shoulder and he turns.

“You can come back in now.”

As Wells moves to come in she sees Bellamy leaning against the opposite wall, his eyes checking over her.

“What are you still doing here?” She asks.

Bellamy opens his mouth to speak but Clarke speaks up first:

“You know what, I don’t care. I don’t want you here Bellamy. Leave.” She says firmly as she closes the door.

“So,” Clarke says as she gets back into bed, Wells is sitting in the chair next to her, “you going to tell me why the fuck Bellamy is here?”

“The simple answer. Alpha unit wasn’t available and Ark are the best.”

“Huh. That actually makes sense.” Clarke sighs.

“You’re taking that better than I was expecting.” Wells smiles.

“What’s to say?” She shrugs.

Wells looks like he wants to push it, but doesn’t.

“You should get some rest.” He says eventually.

“I’m not tired.” She says.

“Well then just lie there, and talk to me. I’m going nowhere.” Wells smiles.

Clarke does lie back then. She asks about his dad just for something to do, but just as Wells is speaking there’s commotion outside.

“What now?” Wells sighs, getting up.

Clarke follows behind him.

When they open the door it takes a minute to work out what’s going on. Jasper is on one side of the corridor being restrained by Murphy and Monty, while Bellamy is standing shocked in the middle with Miller next to him and Roan and Lincoln behind.

“What is going on?” Wells demands.

Jasper, Monty and Murphy stand to attention. Their eyes flitting to Clarke.

“We’re here as requested but apparently the US Army isn’t good enough to guard Griffin’s room.” Murphy says, throwing a look at Bellamy.

“I don’t need a guard!” Clarke snaps. 

“That’s not what I said!” Bellamy says at the same time.

“Sergeant Blake, my men are here on my command.” Wells says coldly to Bellamy.

“Fine. We can be here too. 

“You’ve been on active duty for the past 72 hours, it’s time to stand down Blake.”

“With all due respect you don’t get to tell me what to do.” Bellamy starts.

“With all due respect I already told you, I don’t want you here.” Clarke snaps at him.

“We’re just looking out for you medic.” Roan says softly.

“That seems to be a pretty crowded field.” Murphy mutters.

“I get that, but I don’t want you all here.” Clarke says ignoring Murphy, her eyes going to Bellamy. She sees Bellamy’s shoulders drop and presses her advantage.

“Wells is my commanding officer, if he wants the unit here. I have to trust that. Go. Shower. Sleep.” She says. “I’m ok.”

She looks at Miller and Roan, pleading with her eyes to get them to make Bellamy see sense.

“Come on. Griffin is right. They’ve got this.” Miller says, putting his hand on Bellamy’s shoulder.

Clarke can see the moment Bellamy relents, his whole demeanour shifts.

“Jaha.” He nods, and turns on his heel without another glance at Clarke. His men follow him.

When it’s just her unit in the corridor Clarke slumps against the doorframe, suddenly exhausted.

“Clarke!” Jasper and Monty exclaim wrapping her in a hug.

“Always with the drama.” Murphy teases, smiling softly at her.

When they untangle from Clarke, Wells shoos her back to bed and gives orders to the guys that only pre-approved personnel are allowed in.

Clarke lets them fuss. Lets the doctor hook up an IV and give her more pain meds.

She settles down and closes her eyes, waiting for the nightmares of Finn but instead her brain makes her relive her wedding day but this time Bellamy turns up. She dreams of the moment when she walks down the aisle towards him, sees him turn and his face light up in a grin when he sees her. She wakes with gasp. At Wells’ concern she mutters something about a nightmare and sinks back onto the bed.

 

The next morning she gets the all clear to be discharged and heads to the hotel where 28 Company are staying.

Murphy walks in front with Monty behind. Jasper and Wells flank her, even though they’re only walking to the rover. Clarke wants to be annoyed but understands, they’re just worried.

Wells radios ahead and tells the unit to meet in the lobby. All of them are sitting there when they arrive, everyone stands and greets Clarke and she accepts their hugs and tries not to feel overwhelmed.

“Settle down.” Wells shouts as they all sit.

“So, I have heard from HQ and we have three days of R&R here before we go back to the States.”

Everyone whoops.

“I would like to remind you that we are still representatives of the Army and need to behave accordingly.” He says.

“That means you Murphy.” Clarke grins.

“You can have that one as a welcome back gift.” He tells her.

“Ok, dismissed.” He tells them.

They all stand muttering about the beach, the pool and the bar, while scattering off their separate ways.

“How much of this has to do with me and how much to do with you?” Clarke asks Wells as she walks to the main desk to collect her key card.

“Lets just say that while getting kidnapped is never ideal…”

“Understatement.”

“If you have to do it, it helps to be an old family friend of a five star general and his son.”

Clarke snorts, “Glad nepotism is alive and well.”

Wells leaves her by the lifts saying:

“I’ve got to make a couple of calls. I’ll find you later, ok?”

“Of course. I’ll be in my room or by the pool.” She tells him with a smile.

 

Clarke presses the lift button. Just as she steps back the doors open and Bellamy, Roan, Lincoln and Miller walk out.

“Seriously?” She grumbles.

They all look better than when she last saw them, but are still in army gear. Clearly, still on the clock.

“Hey Clarke,” Lincoln smiles.

Bellamy nods to her but walks straight past not saying anything. She tries not to be annoyed, after all she was the one who told him she didn’t want to speak to him.

“Hey.”

“Don’t tell me you guys are on R&R here too.” She says.

“We’re not.” Roan replies, “not yet anyway.”

“We’ve got some things to finish up, but then we’re good.” Miller smiles. 

“I guess I’ll see you around then.” She says, getting into the lift.

  

It’s mid-afternoon when Clarke comes down from her room. She spoke to her mom, had another shower and changed into shorts and a tank top. She still hasn’t begun to process everything but is feeling better than she was.

She told Wells she’d meet him in the lobby and then they could head to the pool together, so when she feels someone sit in the chair next to her, she assumes it’s him.

It’s not. It’s Bellamy.

“What do you want?” she huffs. 

“To talk.”

“I have nothing to say to you.”

“Well maybe I have things I want to say to you.” He replies.

“I don’t want to hear it Bellamy. There is nothing you can say that I want to hear.” She snaps.

“You don’t know that.”

“I do. Three years ago I might have wanted to talk. But now, I want nothing from you.”

“Clarke,” he sighs turning to her.

“No, Bellamy. Fuck you. I do not need this right now.” She snarls, standing.

Wells walks over just as she’s storming off.

“Don’t ask!” she snaps at him, grabbing his arm pulling him after her towards the pool area.

  

Clarke is lying by the pool under the shade of an umbrella. Harper is on one side of her flipping through a magazine, while the guys play some kind of catch game in the pool.

She has her eyes closed and her headphones in but she’s not listening to anything, just enjoying being outside.

“SF in the house.” She hears someone shout.

Clarke opens one eye slightly and sees the guys. She can’t help but think how unfair it is that they all look so good, especially Bellamy.

“One SF per team otherwise it’s just fucking ridiculous.” She hears Murphy say and chuckles softly.

“I’m in.” Roan says taking off his top. Clarke pulls her sunglasses down over her eyes so she can look at them all more subtly.

Harper turns to her and taps her on the arm.

“I know what he did was a total dick move,” she says when Clarke takes out her earbud, “but damn they’re hot.”

Clarke looks over to the pool where Lincoln, also shirtless, is getting in the water.

“Yeah, how he looked was never the problem.” Clarke grins eyes glancing over to Bellamy who is talking to Miller on the other side of the pool.

Clarke tries to ignore Bellamy but as she said to Harper, attraction was never the problem with them and when he’s looking like that, tanned, shirtless, relaxed, well he’s hard to ignore.

She notices that he has a new tattoo, on his left shoulder blade. She can’t see it properly from her vantage point but it looks like roman numerals.

The thought that this is something she doesn’t know about him hits Clarke harder than she expected. And despite it still being early, the sun still high in the sky she decides to head back into her room.

Clarke takes her headphones out and swings her legs off the bed.

“I’m going to head in for a bit.” She tells Wells.

“You want company?” He asks.

“Nah, I’m good.” Clarke smiles.

“Griffin, you are having drinks with us in the bar tonight? Yes?” Murphy shouts from the pool, as she walks past.

“Maybe, we’ll see.” Clarke demures, not sure if she’s in the mood for company.

“I’m taking that as a yes.”

“It was not a yes.” She grins.

“But it wasn’t a no either.” Monty says.

“So technically, it was a yes.” Jasper adds.

They look at each other and do their self-congratulatory high five, grinning.

“We’ll see. Drink some water and Jasper put on some sunscreen.” She says peering at him over the top of her sunglasses.

“Aye, aye. Cap’n.” He mock salutes.

Clarke is certain that he won’t but at least she tried.

She doesn’t look at Bellamy as she leaves the pool area, but when she’s almost inside she glances back and can see his head turned in her direction, eyes following her.

 

Clarke sits on her balcony and watches the sun go down. She’d slept a bit when she came up earlier but had woken when the sound of Finn’s ragged breathing invaded her dreams.

She doesn’t know what to do, so she sits and listens to the waves. Her hand tracing patterns on the table – she isn’t ready to pick up a pencil and actually draw yet.

When she’d been by the pool she craved solitude, but now she’s back in her room she craves people. It’s the constant swirling of thoughts in her head that make her decide to go and join everyone in the bar.

She pulls on jean shorts and a clean t-shirt, before stuffing her feet into her white converse that have seen better days. She doesn’t bother with her hair the humidity here does what it wants.

Clarke pauses for a moment at the mirror by the door. She looks tired still, and the cut on her forehead is blooming into a purple bruise but she’s still here, still standing.

She swings open her door and heads downstairs before she can back out.

When she gets to the bar, she can’t see them, and wonders for a moment if they changed their minds or didn’t really expect her to join. The thought is chased from her mind when she hears a bark of laughter and sees everyone sitting out on the terrace.

“I see you started without me.” She grins as she walks outside.

Everyone is sitting in a circle, empty beer bottles on the table in front of them, most of them have a drink in their hands.

She’s surprised to see Bellamy and the others, but she doesn’t say anything. Doesn’t acknowledge the small nod he gives her. Instead she takes the seat that Wells offers, and the beer that Harper gets her from the bar, ignoring the way Bellamy looks in the soft light. Ignoring the feel of his eyes on her from a few seats away.

Clarke surprises herself by actually relaxing. She gets into a debate about the Marvel Universe with Monty and Miller and chats with Harper and Wells about family. She doesn’t even really get distracted by Bellamy, people have moved throughout the evening so he’s sitting closer to her than he was but she still needs to turn her head to look at him, which means she can still avoid him.

It’s easy. It’s so easy she doesn’t really notice the music, not at first.

But then she hears the drum beat, and the soft voice coming through the speakers and Clarke can’t breath.

**_In the ground we bury/the seeds of a pear tree_ **

She knows the moment that Bellamy hears it too, because he stops speaking mid-sentence with Lincoln.

**_May I have this dance/To make it up to you/Can I say something crazy/I love you_ **

His eyes find hers and Clarke doesn’t notice anything else around her, because of course. Of course, in a beach bar thousands of miles away from home, after one of the most traumatic experiences of her life, the song choice for the first dance at their wedding would be playing.

**_Give me one more chance/To spin and excite you_ **

For the first time since she saw him again, Clarke finally sees the pain in his eyes and it makes her feel like she’s been sucker punched.

Murphy is the one that breaks the spell.

“Griffin, I’m going to the bar. Another one?” He asks, nudging her knee.

“Uh, sure. Actually I’m going to go to the bathroom, so I’ll get it.” She says, flustered.

Murphy just shrugs, and the conversations continue around her, so she thinks no one else has noticed.

In the bathroom Clarke grips the edge of the sink, her knuckles turning white. Her eyes are prickling and this is the closest she’s come to crying about Bellamy in years. She takes a deep steadying breath and splashes cold water on her face, before squaring her shoulders and heading back out to the bar.

When she returns with the drinks Bellamy has gone.

 

Clarke stays about an hour after Bellamy left, before making her excuses and heading up to her room. She can hear the music from downstairs, the party carrying on. She gets it but she didn’t want to be around it anymore.

She leans over the balcony railings and looks up at the sky, staring at all the stars that litter the sky.

“You know you can see Scorpius from here.” His voice is shaky, from alcohol or emotion she can’t tell.

Clarke whirls towards the voice and sees Bellamy on the next balcony over. He’s sitting in a chair, legs up on the edge of the railing with a beer in his hand.

“Of course you’re next door.” Clarke sighs, turning to go back into her room.

“Wait, Clarke please.” He says, his voice wavering on the final word.

Clarke doesn’t want to speak to him but there is something so sad in his tone that she finds herself pausing involuntarily.

“I know you don’t want to talk, but will you listen to me, please.” He asks.

Clarke sighs and moves slightly.

“You don’t have to turn around, in fact it might be easier if you don’t.”

Clarke stays where she is. There is a gentle breeze coming in off the coast and if she looks hard enough she can see the waves lapping up on the beach below. She focuses on that, gives herself something to anchor on.

“When I first saw you on that military plane, I knew I wanted you in my life. The night in New York was amazing but when I saw you there, out of all the places you could’ve been I knew we were meant for more.” He starts.

Clarke hears him stand, hears his voice come closer.

“I loved you Clarke, and I wanted to marry you. I was ready to marry you. But then on the morning of our wedding a girl showed up, she claimed that my mom had died and that she was my sister.”

Clarke turns slightly then, trying to get a glimpse of him.

“I didn’t know what to do.” He says his voice breaking.

“You should’ve talked to me.” Clarke says turning to face him fully.

His eyes are glassy with unshed tears.

“I know, I wanted to I did. But she was there lost and alone, in front of me and I knew I had to be there for her, to protect her. My sister, my responsibility.”

“What about your responsibly to me Bellamy? You left me on our wedding day. You left me alone in front of all our friends, our family, our colleagues. You left me to explain why I wasn’t enough for you.” Clarke snaps angrily.

“Clarke, you have always been enough for me. I love you.”

“But not enough to turn up.” She shrugs.

“I know I did the wrong thing and I will never be able to take that back, but I was confused.”

“You were weak.” Clarke says coldly.

“I was lost.” He pleads.

“You didn’t just break my heart Bellamy, you broke my trust. We had a promise, to talk to each other to be there and you broke it.”

“Octavia, my sister, had no one. You had people who love you, I knew you’d be ok.”

Clarke wipes angrily at the tears that have started to roll down her cheeks.

“You’re wrong. I wasn’t ok. I needed you, and you left me.” She says sadly.

“If I could take it back, I would. I’ve spent the last three years wishing I could make it up to you. I wanted to talk to you, to tell you, so many times.” He says, a tear making its way down his cheek.

“I love you Clarke, I will always love you.” He sighs.

“It’s not enough.” She says sadly, walking away from him and going into her room.

Clarke doesn’t bother getting changed, she just lies down on her bed, willing her mind to empty.

A sister. 

This whole time, the reason he left her was because he had a sister.

Clarke rolls on to her back and stares up at the ceiling. She’d never let herself think about the reason Bellamy didn’t turn up that day. She came close once to asking Miller when she was drunk but all he said was that Bellamy had his reasons.

And that reason is apparently a sister.

She doesn’t know how long she lies there for trying to fit everything that she knows through this new lens.

That Bellamy has a sister.

That Bellamy is a brother.

That Bellamy loves her.

That he loves her.

He still loves her.

Clarke suddenly feels trapped and overwhelmed in her room. She gets up and goes back outside onto the balcony. She glances over at his balcony, he’s not there. But his light is on.

Before Clarke can think it through, before she even realises what she’s doing, she’s swinging her leg over the railing between their two balconies and climbing on to his.

She pauses for a split second at his balcony door, but then slides it open.

Bellamy is on his bed, leaning against the headboard, his beer bottle still in his hands. His eyes are red, like he’s been crying but he doesn’t look surprised to see her.

Clarke walks over to the bed and sits down on the edge, next to him. He shifts his legs slightly to accommodate her and she takes the beer bottle out of his hands, placing it on the side.

Her eyes find his and he looks so sad, so vulnerable that Clarke can’t help cupping his cheek, running her thumb softly over his cheekbone. He leans into her palm.

She leans forward softly, her forehead coming to touch his.

“Clarke, what are you…”

“I don’t know.” She whispers back, feeling the tears roll down her cheeks.

Clarke closes her eyes as Bellamy softly wipes away the tears. She knows that this is a bad idea, that she should leave, but she can’t.

She opens her eyes and moves her hand from his face, resting it on his chest. She means to pull back, to leave and forget this happened but then he’s looking at her, with the dark eyes she once knew so well and Clarke finds herself leaning forward. She knows she should be the one to stop, but she can’t.

Instead she leans in, barely breathing as he leans forward to meet her, and then they’re kissing.

It’s familiar and different all at the same time and Clarke can’t think of anything other than Bellamy. His mouth on hers. His hands roaming all over her body.

It’s gentle and unhurried. They don’t speak. There are no whispered ‘I love you’ or ‘I missed you’.

It’s fulfilling a need in Clarke she thought was gone. They take their time responding to the feel of each other before the pressure builds and it’s too soft for Clarke. She doesn’t want to feel loved. She doesn’t want to feel anything. Bellamy meets the need in her, understanding, without being told, what she needs.

Afterward, when they’re lying side by side on their backs, trying to get their breath under control he reaches for her but Clarke sits up abruptly and starts grabbing her clothes.

She hears Bellamy sigh and then feels him move behind her.

“Are we going to talk about it?” he says softly.

Clarke turns to look at him as she pulls on her t-shirt. Trying to ignore how handsome he looks in just his boxers, leaning against the headboard, hair sex-mussed and messy.

“Nothing to talk about.” She shrugs, buttoning up her shorts.

“Seriously?” He scoffs.

“What do you want from me Bellamy? Nothing has changed. I didn’t want to think, you were here and a convenient distraction.” She lies, trying to smooth out her hair, not wanting to look at him.

“I know it was more than that.” He counters.

“It really wasn’t.” Clarke says coldly.

“I still love you, Clarke.” He says as she’s crossing the room to the door.

Clarke doesn’t reply instead, slides out of the room and climbing back over the balcony into her room.

She closes the sliding door behind her, and flips the lock.

Clarke strips off her shorts and t-shirt and gets into bed. She doesn’t bother showering, just curls up in the sheets. She lies there in the darkness trying to think of anything, anyone other than Bellamy but it’s impossible. It’s like muscle memory, she knows him, she remembers and now all she can feel is the ghost of his hands on her and the way his voice sounded, sad but sure, when he said he still loves her.

She doesn’t remember falling asleep but when she wakes, she knows she can’t put herself through that again.

Clarke ignores him for the next three days.

Anytime he tries to talk to her she finds a reason to not be around him, and eventually he stops trying.

  

The next time she sees Bellamy is at Finn’s funeral. She’s been back in the USA for a week, on extended furlough. She’s staying in Virginia with her mother and trying to remember that her mother cares, and is not intentionally smothering her.

But it’s not easy to remember as they get into a fight about Finn’s funeral _‘are you sure it’s a good idea’_ just as Clarke is about to leave for her flight.

The funeral is being held in Texas, where Finn grew up. Clarke flies to Houston and then hires a car, driving to a nowhere town about an hour out of the city.

She pulls up as close to the cemetery as she can but there are cars everywhere. The death of a charity worker overseas has been big news but luckily none of the stories have mentioned her.

She tugs at the hem of her black dress and makes her way to the cemetery. Clarke stops at the back of the crowd, she doesn’t want to get too close.

She glances across the masses of people. She sees two dark haired middle-aged people clinging to each other and assumes they must be his parents. Her eyes flit across the row down from them stopping suddenly when she sees a very familiar set of broad shoulders and a green beret.

Clarke is in the process of convincing herself that it can’t possibly be him, that Bellamy didn’t even know Finn, when he turns slightly to talk to the brunette woman next to him and Clarke knows with certainty, that it’s him.

She can’t see the brunette properly, only long dark hair. But the crowd shifts slightly and she can see on the other side of the brunette three more Green Berets and knows it’s the rest of Ark Unit.

Clarke watches the service, hears the occasional word float up from the priest. Words like honour and respect, faith and belief.

When Finn’s parents walk forward and grab a handful of dirt to throw on the coffin Clarke leaves. She’s paid her respects, it’s time to go.

And she really does mean to go. She means to get into her car, go back to the airport and get on with her life. But there are so many cars and she can’t quite remember where hers is. So when she sees a bar that doesn’t look too seedy, it seems like a sign. Go in, have one drink, then find her car.

Clarke is on her second drink when someone sits down beside her. It’s the brunette from the funeral, the brunette she vaguely recognises.

“I didn’t see you at the service.” The woman says.

That’s when it clicks. This is Raven. Finn’s Raven. Raven she helped patch up somewhere in the Middle East four years ago.

“I didn’t want to intrude.” Clarke shrugs.

“But you still came.”

“I wanted to pay my respects. It felt like the right thing to do." 

They’re silent for a bit, Raven gets a whisky and downs it pretty fast, not that Clarke is in any position to comment.

“I know you were there with him.” Raven says eventually. “I was the one this side helping Blake and his team with the intel." 

“Oh. I didn’t know that.” Clarke says stupidly, because she’s not sure what to say.

“That’s a clusterfuck.” Raven says.

“Huh?”

“You and Blake.” She smirks.

“Oh, yeah. Actually I think it’s a word past clusterfuck. One yet to be invented.”

Raven barks out a laugh.

They’re almost finished with their third drink when Clarke says. 

“Here’s what I don’t get… you’re obviously friends with Bellamy. He knew you when he was mad at me in the hospital. And I saw him with you today, but he didn’t mention you when we were together. And you’re one of the lucky ones that missed me being ditched at the altar. Why?”

“Why did he ditch you at the altar?” Raven asks.

At Clarke’s glare, she puts her hands up, “sorry.”

Raven pauses. Then starts speaking.

“We’re not friends. Well, we weren’t. Their first overseas mission,” she says lowering her voice even though it’s 3pm and they’re the only ones in the bar, “I was on the ground. It went wrong. We had bad intel. No one was where they were meant to be. But we got through it, and that’s the kind of shit that bonds you.” 

“That doesn’t really answer my question. That was before me.”

“We were colleagues, in a way. Then I got injured, which would be around the time you started dating. I was shut up in Langley, kind of in a not great headspace so didn’t really see anyone. So we didn’t see each other.”

“What changed?” Clarke asks.

“Are you asking if we fucked, because you should just say that.”

“That wasn’t what I was asking.” Clarke snaps. But after a beat says, “Did you?”

“Yes, once. About 18 months ago. We were both in a shitty place and trying to make ourselves feel better.” Raven sighs.

“Did it work?”

“No.”

Raven pauses and Clarke contemplates going, but she can’t. Not yet.

“Look, Finn asked me to find you – although I didn’t know it was you – and tell you something. I didn’t know I’d see you, so I wrote it down. Here.” Clarke says handing over an envelope.

Raven takes the envelope but doesn’t open it. Just puts her hands on top of it.

“I helped Blake with all the stuff with Octavia.” Raven sighs after a while.

“The sister?”

“The sister.” She confirms.

“I’m going to need another drink.” Clarke mutters.

They get more drinks and Raven starts talking.

“I had a pretty shitty upbringing, the foster system and all that crap. Blake knew bits of it but when Roan told me about Octavia, that Blake was trying to get custody, trying to give her a stable life, I offered my hard-won wisdom. That’s how we’re friends. And that’s why I wasn’t around when you were.” 

“Because he chose the sister over me.” Clarke states. 

Raven turns to look at her, narrowing her eyes.

“He made the only choice at the time. But trust me, it wasn’t easy. He was a fucking mess. Still is, actually.” 

“I’d rather not talk about it.” Clarke huffs.

“Fine by me.” Raven sighs.

They sit in silence, but it’s not tense or heavy, just quiet.

“What’s she like?” Clarke asks eventually, because she can’t help herself.

“Octavia?” Clarke nods. “She’s like a fucking whirlwind. When she first arrived she was this angry, scared thing, convinced Bellamy was going to give up on her. But once he proved he was in it, that he wasn’t going anywhere, she relaxed. She’s in college now. Giving him ten heart attacks a day because she looks like a fucking model but wants to ride a motorcycle.” Raven says fond.

“I’m glad. I’m glad she has him.” Clarke says sadly.

“Fuck, today sucks! Lets get shots!” Raven says suddenly.

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea. I have to drive to the airport.” Clarke mumbles.

“Yeah, no fucking way are you driving anywhere.” Raven laughs, getting the bartenders attention.

Clarke knows she’s right, she’s already too drunk to even think about driving. There’s no way she’s sobering up now.

“Fine, lets do shots.” Clarke sighs.

The girls keep drinking all afternoon. Raven tells Clarke stories about Finn, the boy who wanted to change the world but was too naive, too much of an idealist to truly commit to anything.

Clarke talks about her unit. Her speculation that Miller and Monty like each other but don’t want to deal with the bullshit of an army relationship, especially a same-sex one. 

They don’t talk about Bellamy again.

“I’ll get a hotel.” Clarke says, swaying.

“Just stay at mine, seriously.” Raven replies, pulling Clarke along.

Clarke is too drunk to disagree so just follows Raven.

“Here’s me!” Raven says, stopping outside of a rundown house. It’s long and thin but looks homely. 

“Cute. I just need to tell my mom I’m staying here.” Clarke says following Raven up the porch steps as she fumbles in her bag for her phone.

Clarke is standing behind Raven, just out of sight, when she opens the door. So she can’t see in. She can hear voices however, one that rings out louder than the others.

“For fuck sake Reyes, you can’t just disappear like that. We’ve been out of our minds. Where the fuck were you?”

Clarke hears Raven’s soft curse.

“I made a friend.” She says, clearly deciding to style it out.

Raven moves to the side leaving Clarke in the doorway.

“Surprise.” Clarke deadpans, as a very shocked Bellamy and Roan stare at her.

“Clarke.” Bellamy mutters, like he’s seen a ghost.

“It’s always something with you, isn’t it medic.” Roan says, a hint of a smirk on his cheeks.

“I may have forgotten to mention that Bellamy and his band of brothers were staying with me.” Raven says, turning to Clarke with an apology smile.

“Look, it’s fine. I’m sure there’s a motel around here, I can stay in.” Clarke says.

Bellamy for his part has not said a word yet and when it’s clear he’s not about to Roan says:

“Yeah, that’s not happening. There’s one motel around here, best option you catch something, worst option you get murdered. So no.”

“Fine, I’ll sleep in my car.”

“When you remember when you parked it.” Raven teases.

“Yeah.” Clarke grumbles.

“You’ll stay here. It’s my house.” Raven says with a tone of finality, “you can sleep in with me.”

“And where am I going to sleep.” Roan laughs. 

“Oh my god, are you guys?” Clarke says looking between Roan and Raven. When neither of them say anything she laughs.

“This is amazing. I am so getting my own back,” she crows, “the amount of shit you gave me about my love life…”

Clarke trails off, realising that Bellamy is there still awkwardly not saying anything.

“I’m giving up my bed for you Griffin. You don’t get to give me shit.” Roan laughs.

“We have enough food for an army.” Miller says coming in the door behind her and stopping short, “which is good because apparently, we’ve gained a Clarke.”

“What’s a Clarke?” Lincoln asks, coming in behind him and pushing him into the room. “Clarke!”

“Do you guys do anything without each other?” She teases, as Lincoln leans in to hug her.

“Woah, you smell like you’ve spent the afternoon in a distillery.” He laughs.

“Close. A bar with Raven. Hence the guest appearance, I am definitely not ok to drive.”

Bellamy leaves the room, mumbling something about plates.

“I didn’t know you’d be here.” Clarke says softly.

“It’s ok.” Miller says, giving her a one armed hug.

 

They eat the takeaway off mismatched plates, sitting anywhere they can. Bellamy acts normally with everyone else, but is still off with Clarke who in her drunken state can’t help but think it’s unfair. 

Bellamy takes the dishes into the kitchen, and Clarke follows.

“I really didn’t know you’d be here.” She sighs. “So if you’re ignoring me because you think I’m stalking you or something, you can stop.”

“I’m not ignoring you.” He says, scrubbing his hand across his face.

Clarke scoffs.

“You know what, yeah I am. Because I have no fucking clue how to be around you. We hook up in Egypt then you don’t speak to me for the rest of the time.” He says, low, coming closer to her, crowding her back against the counter.

“And now, I’ve spent all day thinking about you, about how what happened to Finn might easily have happened to you. How I could have lost you and then you show up here like a fucking mirage and remind me that I’ve already lost you.” He growls.

“So yeah, Clarke, I am ignoring you because I thought that was what you wanted, but trust me, all I think about is you.”

“Oh.”

Clarke doesn’t know what to say. He’s got his arms either side of her and it would be so easy to give in, to kiss him again, to put her arms around him. But she can’t. She can’t let him in again, can’t let him hurt her.

“We’re going to watch a shitty action movie and complain about how unrealistic it is. You guys in?” Miller shouts from the other room.

It startles them enough that Bellamy takes a step back. It’s the space that Clarke needs.

“Yeah, we’re in.” she shouts, walking out of the kitchen, not looking back at Bellamy. She knows if she does her resolve will break.

  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what did you guys think... we know why Bell ditched her at the altar. We know how he knows Raven. And yes, it's no coincidence that both of those things have to do with Octavia.
> 
> I stand by secret baking nerd Roan, it is my new headcanon. The recipe he was reciting was inspired by this one - http://thelittlelibrarycafe.com/blog/2014/05/23/chocolate-cake-matilda


	7. All's Well That Ends Well

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it, we're finally at the end. I'm so so sorry it took me so long to upload this, to absolutely misquote Jurassic Park, life finds a way of interrupting fic writing. And mine did with multiple things, but we're here now. 
> 
> So for everyone who stuck with this, who commented, who checked in on tumblr to make sure I was actually going to finish this, thank you. It means so much to me.
> 
> This chapter is colossal, an absolute beast... There's laughter, angst, tears, more angst and some tooth-rotting fluff. And, I have played fast and loose with all medical/army info here (this one is definitely not true to life, sorry @flightofahummingbird)

Even though Clarke has known Marcus Kane most of her life seeing him in army mode, like this, it’s hard not to be intimidated, which she’s sure is exactly what he was aiming for.

“It would be one final mission. The team needs a medic and you have understanding of the region.” He tells her.

“Major Kane, as we’ve already discussed I no longer want to do active duty and the army doctor agrees that is what’s best for me.” Clarke says, aiming for civility that she doesn’t really feel.

“Griffin, I’ve read your file. She agrees that you no longer want to do active duty not that she doesn’t think you’re capable.”

“This is not a decision I’ve come to lightly. I love the army and I am so proud to serve my country but I don’t feel for it what I once did. I really think that an honourable discharge so I can focus on getting my medical degree is best for everyone.”

Marcus sighs.

“Clarke,” he says, his voice softer, less army, “I understand your desire to leave and that is why I’m not stopping it but you have three more months and I truly believe you will regret not going on this mission.”

“Is that an order, sergeant?”

“No. Just advice.”

He stands and she follows his lead.

“I’ll see you this evening?”

“This evening?”

“The Valour reception, Abby said you’d both be there.”

“Oh, yes, of course. It slipped my mind. I’ll see you this evening Major.”

*****

  
“Mom? Hello?” Clarke calls when she enters the house.

“In the kitchen.”

“Did you tell Major Kane that I’d be at this party tonight.” Clarke demands heading into the kitchen.

“Yes, we talked about it remember.”

“I remember telling you I didn’t want to go.” Clarke snaps.

“I know you think that but it will be good for you. Even if you’re firm on your decision to leave the army this is a nice way to see everyone.”

Clarke sighs and sinks down into a kitchen chair. She knows the argument was lost the second Kane mentioned the reception. And if she’s honest with herself she doesn’t have a good reason to not go other than simply not wanting to.

“Fine.” She sighs.

“Wonderful. Your black dress is in your room.”

Clarke has been splitting her time between base and her mother’s house. While technically she is no longer on furlough, the 28th were posted overseas when she was signed off and another medic accompanied them. She’s been training new recruits and working on base. It’s not bad but it’s not what she signed up for. The trouble is, she doesn’t want that life anymore either.

“I don’t understand you. You didn’t want me to join the army and now you’re forcing me to go to events to try and change my mind about leaving.”

“Clarke, you know I only want what’s best for you.” Abby says softly coming to sit at the table with her.

“I’m not sure a party is what’s best for me.” She replies dryly.

“When your father died I didn’t want you to have anything to do with the army but I can admit I was wrong. It’s been good for you. Good to you. I understand you want to leave and focus on medicine and I support that, of course I do, but I want you to do it on the right terms. Don’t just retreat.” She says putting her hand over Clarke’s.

“I’m not mom, this isn’t a sudden thing.”

“I know. But I also know how rare it is to have everyone in the same place, I think you’ll regret not going but you’re an adult, I can’t force you.” Abby says squeezing Clarke’s hand and leaving the room.

Clarke sits there for a long time before sighing and going to get ready.

Clarke is waiting in a black strapless cocktail dress, her hair pinned up loosely, when Abby comes down the stairs. Her mom grins at her and kisses her cheek.

“You look beautiful sweetheart.”

“You too mom.” Clarke replies sincerely, “Shall we do this.”

*****

Clarke is standing towards the back of the room, near the bar. Abby may have managed to get her to come to the party, but no one said she had to join in.

She’s hidden away in a corner when she hears them.

“How long do these things go on for?” A female voice asks, bored.

“We haven’t even sat down yet. We’re not even half way through.” A voice sounding a lot like Lincoln replies.

“My god, for people as obsessed with timekeeping as you lot, you’d think they’d be better at this.” The girl says.

Clarke can’t help herself, the girl sounds so annoyed, so like Clarke used to when she was younger and forced to come to these events, that she turns around.

“First military reception?” Clarke asks with a laugh.

She’d turned around without even really thinking about it, without thinking about the fact that the man sounded like Lincoln and usually where Lincoln is, so are the others, including Bellamy.

“Yeah, and it is long!” The girl smiles at her.

“Hey!” Lincoln says surprised. “Didn’t think you’d be here.”

“Mother’s orders.” Clarke says rolling her eyes, and kissing Lincoln on the cheek.

He looks awkward when she pulls back, nervous.

She looks at the brunette, who looks a little young for Lincoln, but is undeniably beautiful.

The girl is looking up at Lincoln inquisitively and Clarke is waiting for him to introduce her too.

Clarke is getting fed up and is just about to introduce herself when they get interrupted.

“Linc, O. Come on, they want everyone to sit.” Bellamy says coming over to the group.

He stops short when he sees Clarke who had been hidden out of sight by Lincoln.

“Clarke.”

“Bellamy.”

They all stand awkwardly as the girl, O, looks between Bellamy and Clarke, eyes narrowing.

“Nice to see you. I should go and find my table.” Clarke says excusing herself.

“Uh, yeah, us too.” Lincoln says awkwardly.

Clarke forces herself to walk away slowly, focusing on breathing regularly to get her racing heart under control.

She finds her table, which thankfully is not the same one Bellamy is on.

She’s at a table with General Jaha, Major Kane and her mother, which ordinarily would be enough to annoy her but right now she can’t even find it in herself to care.

Thankfully the table arrangement means she’s also with Wells.

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“Did you know Bellamy would be here?” She hisses when they sit down.

“Yeah, that’s why I was so surprised to see you earlier. His unit is getting a medal of valour for the whole North Africa thing.” Wells replies out of the corner of his mouth.

It’s been six months since Clarke was rescued. She doesn’t wake up with nightmares much anymore but she still thinks about it, constantly. She’s not sure she’ll ever really stop, even with all the army mandated therapy.

“Nice of my mother to give me a heads up.” She grumbles.

Clarke manages to make the right amount of small talk and get through the first course.

“Where are they sitting?” She asks Wells.

“Your nine-o-clock.” He replies instantly.

That makes sense she thinks. She’s felt eyes on her from that side of the room since they sat down.

Clarke uses the cover of the waiter topping up their glasses to glance over in the direction Wells said and, sure enough, there he is.

She thinks she probably already knew who the girl was if she’d really thought about it but seeing her, sitting between Bellamy and Roan, smirking at something one of them said, it’s clear. That’s the sister, Octavia.

Clarke turns away before they catch her looking. She makes it through the rest of the dinner on autopilot.

When the recognitions are announced and Bellamy’s unit is called up, Clarke allows herself to look briefly at his table but the sight of Octavia beaming with pride is too much, so she glances down at her hands.

Wells nudges her knee with his in solidarity and she gives him a grateful smile.

Clarke watches as they get their medals and can’t help but notice how handsome, but also bashful Bellamy looks, as though the recognition is making him uncomfortable, which she knows it probably is.

When there’s a break in the ceremony and Clarke thinks it won’t be noticeable she slips outside, telling Wells she needs some air.

She has been sitting on a bench outside for less than five minutes when the noise from inside suddenly gets louder and light spills onto the terrace.

When she hears heels on the tiled floor she relaxes slightly, whoever is coming out at least it’s not Bellamy. Then Octavia sits down next to her and she thinks she relaxed too soon.

“So you’re the woman my brother loves.”

“I prefer Clarke.” She says dry, adding after a beat, “You’re the sister.”

“I prefer Octavia.” She replies with a smirk.

They’re silent, with just the noise of the party providing a distant background track.

“Must be strange seeing them get a medal for saving you.” Octavia says after a beat.

Clarke shrugs. It wasn’t great to feel everyone looking at her but it wasn’t really strange to see Ark Unit get recognition. She understands what they did was a big deal, even if she doesn’t like to think about it. But she’s not telling Octavia that.

“Bell didn’t want to come, he hates these things, but he was told he had to.” Octavia tries, “I’ll never get that about the army, how you can all stand being bossed around all the time.”

“You get used to it.” Clarke replies flat.

“Yeah I guess, I’m not sure I’d want to though, you know.”

Clarke says nothing.

“Come on, give me something. I’m trying here.” Octavia sighs.

“Why?”

“Huh?”

“Why are you trying? We don’t know each other, all I am to you is the girl your brother once dated.” Clarke says sharply turning to look at Octavia.

Octavia just stares back at her, unfazed.

“I think we both know you’re more than that.”

“Maybe, once.”

“I just want to know who you are. They talk about you, or around you, all the time. My brother was a mess after that North Africa thing.”

Clarke snorts, “He was a mess. That’s rich.”

“I didn’t mean that.” Octavia huffs, “I just meant he obviously still cares.”

Clarke doesn’t say anything, what’s to say.

“Look umm, I’m not very good a speeches, that is not a family trait we share.” She says with a smile, “and I’m not so stupid that I can’t see you don’t want to talk to me but maybe you could talk to him.”

“Octavia, I get that he’s your brother but this has nothing to do with you. He and I were done years ago, when he left me at the altar. As far as I’m concerned there’s nothing left to talk about.”

“The thing is, it is to do with me. It’s my fault he didn’t turn up.” She says fiercely.

“No. It’s his fault.” Clarke says firmly. “He was the adult, he had a phone, he could have called and he should have. He should have trusted me to be there for him and he didn’t. End of story.”

Clarke stands to head back inside.

“Wait. Did you know I turned up on his doorstep a totally out of it? Did you know that while he was still in the uniform he was going to wear to marry you he was calling every rehab clinic in a 100 mile radius?”

Clarke hadn’t known that, but it doesn’t matter.

“I am a medic, I was going to be his wife. Not to mention my mom is one of the most respected surgeons in the North East. He should have called me, I would have helped.” She sighs.

“Look, I’m not excusing him. What he did, it was a dick move.” Octavia says.

Clarke thinks she’s finished but then she starts speaking again, softer, more shyly.

“My mom was a mess. Always a new man, a new town, new drugs. I didn’t even know about Bellamy until she overdosed. She was in hospital, barely clinging on and just kept stroking my face and calling me her beautiful boy. I thought she’d lost it. Then she died and my aunt told me that I had a brother who’d grown up with his dad’s family or something. It took me months to find him. Months where all I did was hang out with the wrong people, in the wrong places.”

“When I found Bell, I was a total wreck. He dropped everything to help me, even though it hurt him. And now I’m older, I’m in college and I’m ok, I’m happy because of him.” She pauses, before adding, “I want him to be happy too.”

Clarke looks at the younger girl, whose face is set with fierce determination, with a refusal to be embarrassed.

“I’m glad you’re doing better now.” Clarke says sincerely, “but it doesn’t change things with me and your brother.”

She turns back from Octavia ready to go inside.

“He called you, you know. That night once he got me settled. He called and called. He went to your house.”

“No he didn’t.” Clarke snaps, harsh whirling back around.

“He did. He tried for months.”

Clarke shakes her head. It’s not possible, she would have known.

“He fucked up. He knows that. But he did try and fix it.”

Octavia stands and leaves then.

Leaving Clarke outside alone with a thousand swirling questions.

*****

“I hear you met the sister.” Raven says instead of hello.

Clarke groans and pulls the phone away from her ear squinting at the time.

“It’s 7.30am. Do you ever sleep?”

“Of course I do, and don’t change the subject. You met Octavia.”

“How do you even know that? Just because you’re a Fed doesn’t mean you can stalk people, it is still technically illegal.” Clarke sighs rubbing her face and falling back into her pillow.

She didn’t sleep well last night after talking to Octavia. By the time she’d gone back into the party Bellamy and the others had gone. She wanted to ask her mother if he had really come by that night, the day they were meant to get married, but couldn’t find the words.

So instead she just went to bed as soon as they got home and lay there half the night trying to think of anything other than Bellamy. It didn’t work and she finally fell asleep somewhere before 5am, which means she has not had nearly enough sleep.

“Roan told me.”

“Of course he did.”

“Apparently siblings Blake got into an almighty row last night after the party.” Raven says casually.

“So? What they do is nothing to do with me.”

“Ordinarily, I’d agree. You know I try and stay out of whatever mess is going on between you two.”

“For the last time Raven, nothing is going on between us.” Clarke sighs.

In the six months since Finn’s funeral she and Raven have created some kind of friendship. It shouldn’t work, but does. The only downside, as far as Clarke is concerned, is Raven (and Roan’s) continued insistence that Bellamy and Clarke are unfinished in some way.

“Given that I know that the argument between Octavia and Bellamy started when he found out she’d spoken to you I’m going to agree to disagree on that one.”

“Again that is between the two of them, not me. Look, if you just called me to tell me that Bellamy and his sister had an argument, message received. Now I’m going back to sleep. I’ll speak to you later.”

“Clarke, wait, that’s not the only reason.”

Clarke rolls her eyes, of course it’s not, she should have known better.

“After the argument Bellamy walked out.”

“So?”

“He’s not back and they’re all worried. This isn’t like him.”

“Maybe he went to a bar, got drunk and went home with someone. He’s an adult, it happens.” Clarke says trying not to think about that scenario.

“He doesn’t… it’s unlikely.” Raven says carefully.

“Well, ping his phone. You literally work for a surveillance agency, do what you do.”

“I’ve tried.” Raven admits, “But his phone is off.”

“He is an adult and a Special Forces soldier, I’m sure he’ll be fine.” Clarke says, “and to be honest I’m still failing to see why any of this is on me. I haven’t spoken to him since Texas.”

“It’s not on you, but the guys are worried. Bellamy doesn’t stay out like this and well they thought that maybe since you’re all back in Virginia, you might have an idea where he is.”

“I don’t. Sorry.”

“No worries. Worth an ask, right?” Raven says overly cheerful. “Go back to sleep. Speak later.”

Clarke hangs up the phone and puts it on the side table. She closes her eyes and burrows back into the covers, but it’s no use, she’s awake. Worse than that, she’s awake and thinking about Bellamy. She might actually know where he is.

She throws off the covers and gets dressed, mentally cursing Raven.

It takes her the best part of three hours to get there and Clarke spends the whole drive convinced she’s wrong. After all it’s been almost four years. She looks out for cars that might be him coming in the opposite direction but barely sees anyone.

It takes her three tries to find the turning but she does eventually, driving through a pretty little town that consists of one long street until she gets to the very end of town where the trees are dense. She pulls her car in at the bottom fence and starts walking.

When they were dating Bellamy had told her that his dream was to retire somewhere he could build his own house. He didn’t want to be miles away from civilisation but far enough that he had the space he’d never had as a kid. Clarke had laughed and said it was a nice dream.

About two months after they were engaged, they were visiting Abby for the weekend and Bellamy had made them go for a drive promising her a surprise. They drove for almost three hours before stopping at the edge of a piece of land, which is where Bellamy pointed at a small wooden structure and told her this was where he was going to build their forever home someday.

When Clarke gets through the trees into the clearing, she sees a rental car and guesses that must be his. The original wooden structure has gone, in its place is a larger wooden frame with a roof, unfinished but she can see the idea behind it.

She walks towards the car but it’s empty.

Clarke pulls out her phone but sees she has no service. She means to head back to her car, go into town and call Raven saying that she’s found him, but curiosity gets the better of her and she walks towards the structure. The trees thin out and there’s a clearing with a wide view in front of the building.

As she gets closer she hears a sound like sanding coming from the other side of the building. Clarke walks around the side and sees Bellamy, in a denim shirt with the arms rolled up and jeans, sanding what looks like a window frame.

She pauses for a moment, enjoying the fact that he hasn’t seen her, but then remembers why she’s there.

“You know if you’re going to throw a tantrum and run off the polite thing to do is tell your friends so they don’t worry.”

Clarke would laugh at the speed at which Bellamy jerks up if the pain that flits across his face when he sees her wasn’t so raw.

“Didn’t think we were friends.”

“I didn’t mean me.” She shrugs.

“Of course not," he scoffs, before adding tiredly, "Why are you here Clarke?”

“Raven called me. She was worried. Or more accurately the guys were worried, so called her, she called me… and here I am.”

“I’ve been gone less than 12 hours. I just needed a break.”

“I said you were probably fine but they care, apparently.”

“But you don’t.”

Clarke doesn’t respond just walks a bit closer to the house.

“How did you know I was here?” He asks after a beat.

“I didn’t, not really. I didn’t even know you still had this place. But I couldn’t think where else around here you’d go and not have your phone on.”

“Shit, I forgot about the lack of service.” Bellamy exclaims getting his phone out of his pocket with a frown.

“Yeah, Raven tried to ping it for your gps and when she couldn’t that’s when they panicked.” Clarke says walking up to the house and peering in through the empty window frame, “given that they literally put themselves in life and death situations all the time, you have some very unchill friends.”

Bellamy chuckles low and Clarke tries to ignore the way it makes her stomach swoop.

“They’re your friends too.”

“Raven maybe. But the rest are firmly team Blake, as it should be.”

Neither of them says anything and Clarke looks at the house structure to avoid looking at him.

“I didn’t know you kept this place.” She says softly after a few seconds that feel more like hours.

Bellamy shrugs.

“I’ll call Raven when I have service and tell her you’re fine.” She sighs, turning away.

Clarke takes a few steps before he calls out.

“Do you, uhh, do you want to see the house?”

Clarke pauses. She knows she should say no, that she should walk away do her last three months of the army, go to med school and move on with her life. But she’s curious.

“Why not.” She says with a small smile, when she turns back around.

Bellamy’s grin is too much so she looks away but follows him in.

“So it’s not done, nowhere near but I had to put a roof on it because of the weather. Eventually, when I have more time I’ll add a second storey.” He says, rambling.

Even unfinished Clarke can see it will be beautiful, the rooms are large and light, it’s everything he ever described to her when he talked about it.

“I always wanted you to see it, just could never work out how.” He says nervously rubbing the back of his neck.

Suddenly the reality of standing in a house that they talked about retiring too, together, hits her and it’s all too much.

“I should go.” She says turning and heading back outside.

“Clarke, wait.”

“It’s really great.” She says, awkwardly, “but I should tell the others you’re ok. They’ll be worried.”

“Please wait.” He says grabbing her wrist lightly. She pulls away at the touch.

He looks like he’s gearing up to say something and she doesn’t want to hear it. She isn’t ready for another patented Bellamy Blake speech.

“I met your sister.” She says quickly.

“I know.” He huffs.

“Oh yeah, that’s right, Raven said you guys had a row.”

“How did she… Roan.” He says, sitting down on the top step of the house.

“Yep.” Clarke grins.

“It wasn’t about you, if that’s what you’re thinking. The argument.”

“I wasn’t, not really.” Clarke says carefully.

“She used the fact that I was distracted by knowing you guys talked to tell me that she’s dating Lincoln.”

“Oh.” Clarke says sitting down on the steps careful to leave a person width between them.

“Yep.”

“I’m sensing by your tone, the fact that you ran off and that Raven said you guys got into an almighty row, you didn’t handle the news well.” Clarke says lightly, it’s easier to talk about this than them.

“He’s too old for her. And he’s a soldier. It’s too dangerous.”

“Not really your argument to make.”

“She’s my sister Clarke. I’ve given up everything to make sure she has a good life.”

“I’m aware.” She says dryly.

“Right, shit, sorry. I shouldn’t be talking to you about this.” He sighs running his hands through his hair.

“It’s fine. But you can’t control her life, she’s an adult and Lincoln is a good guy. You know that.”

“I know. I just wanted more for her.” He exhales.

Clarke looks out over the woods, they’re at the top of a slight hill and you can see for miles. She takes a deep breath and then asks what has been bugging her since she spoke to Octavia.

“The night of our non-wedding, once Octavia was settled, did you try to call me?” she asks quickly.

“Yeah. Multiple times.” He says easily.

“Did you come by the house?”

“The next morning. Your mom said you were sleeping and wouldn’t let me in, wouldn’t let me wait.”

“Oh.” Clarke breathes.

Bellamy turns to look at her and she can see him working it all out, working out that this is the first time she’s hearing about any of this.

“I called every day for two weeks with no response and then your number went out of service.” He tells her seriously, his dark eyes searching her face.

Clarke doesn’t know what to say, she can’t find the words so she just stares at the trees.

“Then Miller told me that you guys were on an overseas posting for six months and that the best thing to do would be give you space. So I did. Against all of my best instincts, I did.”

“Oh.” Clarke sighs putting her head in her hands, resting on her knees.

“You didn’t know?” He asks softly.

Clarke shakes her head.

“When you guys got back from your posting and were stationed in Florida, I rigged our posting so I could come and see you. I thought that if I could see you, I could explain but you were dating someone and as subtle as I tried to be Miller eventually got fed up and asked Monty if it was serious with you and the girl, he said yes. I knew I’d missed my chance. So I left it.”

“Her name was Lexa. We were serious for a while. We kind of put each other back together but she was a lawyer and I was an army medic, we were just too different.”

Bellamy nods.

“I didn’t know any of that.” Clarke says quietly, “I thought you just left.”

“I fucked up Clarke, my god I fucked up not calling you when Octavia turned up on my doorstep but then once I came to my senses all I could think about was you. I wanted to talk to you so much, I tried so hard, but then you moved on and I figured I owed it to you to let that happen. To let you be happy with someone else.”

“I should go.” She says, standing suddenly.

“Clarke, wait. I have never stopped loving you. Maybe I should have tried harder, fought more for you, but I’m still madly in love with you.” He says standing with her, moving in front of her.

“I…” Clarke begins, looking up at him, her eyes full of unshed tears.

“If you don’t feel the same, if no part of you loves me then I will drop it. We can never speak of this again.” He says softly, his eyes pleading with her.

“Of course I love you. That was never our problem. The problem is I don’t trust you anymore.”

“I can fix that, I can. I know I can.”

“How? I’m leaving the army. You’re never here. How could we ever make it work?”

“You’re leaving the army, but I thought…” he trails off.

“I can’t do this Bellamy, I’m sorry. I’ll tell Raven you’re ok. And you should call your sister and the guys, they’re worried.” Clarke says squeezing his hand.

She walks away, refusing to turn back even when he calls after her. If she turns back he’ll see her cry. He’ll know how weak her resolve is and know that the only reason she doesn’t want to be with him is fear of getting hurt again.

*****

**[From: Clarke.Griffin@usaarmy.mil]**  
**[To: Monty.Green@usaarmy.mil]**

 **Subject:** Back on base

_Hey – how’s Germany?_

_As you might have guessed (or might already know, I have no idea how the army gossip network works) I am living back on base. Full time. Well, full time until I leave. So for the next three months…_

_Why? I hear you ask from all the way over in Europe. I had a major blowout with my mom. It was to do with Bellamy, because isn’t everything monumental in my life always to do with him. But it was bad so I’m on base, again. If you need anything this is where you’ll find me._

_How are you guys? I miss you all. Is Murphy still dating Emori? How is the long distance thing going? And what about Jasper, what’s he up to? Tell them to email me back so you don’t have to be the go-between._

_Stay safe. And don’t eat too much Sauerkraut, it’s just pickled cabbage with a fancy name._

_Clarke_

  
**[From: Monty.Green@usaarmy.mil]**  
**[To: Clarke.Griffin@usaarmy.mil]**

 **Subject: re:** Back on base

_Hey Clarke,_

_Germany is still Germany. In a way it’s like being at home, you know? We’re on an American base so as much as things are different they still feel the same. All it really means is we put sauerkraut on our bratwurst instead of hot dogs._

_Is it really only three months until you leave? Are you sure we can’t convince you otherwise. Yes, I know you have a place at Stanford all lined up because you’re a fancy genius but still… army life, wooo! We miss you too. Don’t forget us when you make annoying Ivy League friends._

_We’re all fine. Murphy is still dating Emori, I think it might actually be serious because he’s talking about finding a place near her eventually. Jasper is Jasper he says he misses you but is shit at email, so you’re stuck with me. Sorry! There really isn’t much to report from here although Jasper has got very into experimental French rap which is driving Harper mad, so that’s fun._

_Write again soon. It’s not the same without you._

_Mx_

_P.S. I’m not touching the Bellamy subject because I know better than that but I’m always here if you want to talk (and no, before you ask, I do not gossip about you two with Nate. I save that for Raven… kidding, mostly)_

*****

Clarke has been living back on base for a week when she gets called in to see Kane. She knew it was coming. The mission he wants her to join leaves in ten days and this is really the last chance she can refuse (or join) before they have to find someone else.

Just because she was expecting the meeting, doesn’t make her any less nervous when she walks to his office.

Clarke enters when called, faltering only for a split second when she sees that Kane is not alone, Bellamy is with him. It’s the first time she’s seen him since she admitted she still loved him.

“Major Kane, Staff Sergeant Blake.” She nods.

“Take a seat Griffin.” Kane says.

She sits down in the chair next to Bellamy, both of them facing Kane across his desk.

“I’m sure you know what this is about.” He says with no preamble, “You have been requested on this mission and we need your final decision.”

Clarke refrains from rolling her eyes and explaining that she has already given her final decision, more than once.

“I wasn’t aware this was a Special Forces mission. I thought they had their own medics.”

“We do. But our medic, Jackson, has a broken ankle and won’t be back to full fitness in time.” Bellamy says.

“Are there no other Special Forces medics?” Clarke bites, somewhat impertinently.

“There are.” Bellamy replies evenly, not rising to the bait, “But none with your knowledge of the situation.”

That gets Clarke’s attention.

“Our intelligence suggests that the men who captured you and Mr Collins are planning something big. We want to go in and shut that down before it happens.” Bellamy says.

Clarke glances at Kane who nods. She feels her heart rate rising and curls her fingers into her palms, willing herself to stay calm. Surely, these two cannot be suggesting that she goes back into a situation with men who tried to kill her, with her ex fiancée as back up.

“And you want me to assist?” She manages eventually.

“Not with the mission, we want a combat trained medic who understands the scenario to be with us.”

“And that’s me?” Clarke says looking at Kane.

“You’re one of the best Griffin. You work well with Ark Unit and you understand what’s at stake.”

Clarke nods, but isn’t really paying attention. She just wants to get out of that room.

“Now I have a broader understanding of the mission, may I have until tonight to consider?” Clarke asks.

“Of course.” Kane says.

Clarke stands, and the men stand with her, she nods and takes her leave.

Bellamy catches up with her as she’s walking down the corridor away from Kane’s office.

“Please tell me this wasn’t your idea.” She spits as he draws level with her.

“It wasn’t.”

“Then where the hell did it come from?”

“Kane.”

Clarke stops and turns to face him, “What? He doesn’t have any authority over you guys.”

“It wasn’t an order it was a suggestion. You know Kane was something of a mentor to me and we still speak. I was explaining that Jackson was out and I needed someone I could trust and he suggested you.”

“And you didn’t think that was the worst idea you’ve ever heard?”

“Of course I did, at first, but then it started to make sense.”

Clarke glares at him and starts walking again.

“You know the guys. We trust you, you’re good and you understand what we’re trying to do.”

“You’ve skipped about a thousand steps there.” Clarke spits.

They keep walking, heading towards Clarke’s room. She just needs to think.

“Please think about it. We’re on base all day, we can answer any questions.”

“Just give me some space.”

He nods and stops and Clarke goes into her room. She has a single now, which she’s grateful for, it means there is no one there to watch her pace the room as she tries to think.

She can’t see what she’s missing that makes everyone think this is a good idea. She keeps turning it over and over in her mind but from every angle it still seems like a fools errand.

Eventually she knows she has to talk to them. She finds Bellamy in his office.

“I want to speak to Ark, all together.” She says.

He nods like he’s been expecting it.

“Get a coffee or something, meet back here in ten.”

When Clarke gets back to the room they’re all there. Bellamy is sitting behind the desk, Miller leaning against the wall with Lincoln and Roan on the chairs. They all stand when she walks in and Clarke rolls her eyes.

“Knock it off, I know you’re not gentlemen.”

“Always sugar coating it, Griffin.” Roan smirks.

But it breaks the tension in the room.

“Here.” Bellamy says offering her his chair before perching on the edge of the desk.

Clarke takes the seat and looks at them. They’re all waiting for her to speak.

“Here’s what I don’t understand, this is clearly a terrible idea but you guys seem ok with it, which makes no sense to me because the four of you are some of the best and brightest soldiers I know.” She says jumping right in.

“I think part of it is that we’ve had longer to process the idea.” Lincoln says carefully, “We’ve known you were the preferred medic on this for the last few weeks.”

Clarke nods, it makes sense. Although she’s pretty sure even with two weeks she’d still think it was a terrible idea.

“And all of you think this is a good idea.”

“I’m not sure we’d say a good idea necessarily.” Miller says carefully.

“Then what would you say?”

“We know you’re good at your job. We trust you to look after us, to have our back.” Roan says.

“It would be my first mission since, everything. What if I freeze, what if I can’t do it? What if I let you down and one of you gets hurt, or worse?”

“That wouldn’t happen.” Bellamy says emphatically.

“You don’t know that. None of us do.” Clarke replies.

After a beat Clarke asks:

“Who would be the medic if it wasn’t me?”

“Anya. She’s good but we’ve not worked with her before.” Bellamy says.

“You haven’t worked with me either.” Clarke points out.

“Think we know you well enough at this point.” Miller smiles.

“But that’s just it. You don’t. The last time, the only time, you ever saw me work was over four years ago. And a whole heap of things could’ve changed since then.”

“A whole heap of things have changed.” Lincoln says, “But I doubt any of them have made you worse at your job. If anything they’ll have made you better.”

“I don’t understand why you need it to be me. Everything I know about Mohammed and his men I already told intelligence, you’ll have it all in your briefing docs. I won’t actually be any practical use on that front.” She sighs.

“We’re not taking you for intelligence Clarke, we’re taking you because you’re a damn good soldier and medic. The fact that you’re the only person who has been near these guys is a bonus.” Bellamy says.

“And what about us.” She snaps at him.

Bellamy shifts a little on the desk and looks at the others.

“We don’t exactly get along these days. You’re meant to have 100 per cent trust in your unit, can you really say that about us.”

“We should…” Miller says, pushing up against the wall and motioning to the door.

“No, you shouldn’t. If you think this is awkward in Bellamy’s office, what do you think it will be like when it’s just the five of us thousands of miles from home?”

Miller shrugs a little sheepishly and looks at the others.

“This is my point.” Clarke sighs, “We’ve all been here for less than five minutes and already this has happened. I can’t do this.”

“You can Clarke, we can. You and I, it doesn’t have to cause problems with our work.” Bellamy says.

“But it will. It already is.”

“It wouldn’t.”

“Ok, fine. What happens if there’s a choice get me out safely or capture Mohammed – what do you do?”

“I wouldn’t leave anyone behind.” He says bullishly.

“I’m not saying leave anyone behind, I’m saying in the split second you can stop him but you risk me or you save me but risk losing him, what do you do?”

“That’s ridiculous. You can’t know how a scenario will play out.”

“Fine. What do you guys do?” Clarke says turning to the others.

“What’s the scenario?” Lincoln asks wearily.

“I’m in trouble, but it means risking the op. What do you do?”

“We complete the op.” Roan says.

“Even if it goes against Bellamy’s orders?”

“It wouldn’t go against my orders.” Bellamy says, but it’s not convincing and from the way the others exchange looks Clarke knows they know that too.

“My answer is no. I’m sorry. I’ll talk to Kane.” Clarke says standing.

“Clarke,” Bellamy starts.

“I’ll work with you guys, with your medic, before you go, whatever you need but I can’t go on this mission.”

Clarke nods at them all as she leaves the room, as the door closes behind her she hears Roan groan, “Well that was a fucking disaster.”

*****

Kane isn’t happy but Clarke clearly articulates her reasons and refuses to be swayed. He accepts her decision even if he doesn’t like it.

Clarke is as good as her word. She works with Anya over the next few days trying to think of anything that could be helpful. She works with Ark Unit answering any questions about Mohammed and only snaps at them a handful of times that everything they need is in the briefing doc. She avoids being alone with Bellamy and he seems to be doing the same.

The Sunday before they’re due to leave Clarke meets with Raven for a coffee.

“I thought for sure you’d go with them.” Raven says once they’re settled in the window with their drinks.

“I did consider it for about half a minute, but it just wouldn’t work.”

“You know they didn’t want me or Bellamy on the thing with you and Finn but we’d both rather have been involved than on the side lines.”

“This is different.”

“Yeah? How so?” Raven asks with a frown.

“Bellamy and I would have to work together and after everything I don’t think we could.”

“He’d do anything for you, you know.” Raven says lightly.

“That’s kind of the problem. I’d be too worried he’d go out of his way to protect me, to prove that I can trust him again.”

“He’s a good soldier. He knows what he’s doing.”

“I know that Raven, but I don’t know if I’d be able to remain detached, at a distance.”

Raven is quiet for a moment, thinking, and when she speaks again her tone is softer.

“You still love him, don’t you?”

Clarke nods.

“I don’t want to but I can’t help it. It would be so much easier if I didn’t care.”

“Lots of things would.” Raven says putting her arm around Clarke’s shoulders.

Raven’s phone beeps and she digs it out of her bag.

“I have to get this.”

“Sure.” Clarke nods as Raven takes the call outside.

Raven is only gone a couple of minutes but when she comes back in her mouth is set in a thin line. 

“What is it?” Clarke asks.

“That was Roan. They’ve been deployed.”

“They weren’t meant to leave until Thursday.”

“Change of plan.” Raven shrugs.

“You ok?” Clarke asks, ignoring the fear that’s settling in the pit of her stomach.

“Course. Life of an SF girlfriend, right.” Raven says mustering confidence.

“Right.”

This time it’s Clarke that puts her arm around Raven’s shoulders.

  
She manages half an hour when she’s back on base before she caves and uses the number that Raven gave her to message Bellamy.

 **Clarke:** _Don’t die._  
_It’s Clarke btw_

*****

Clarke doesn’t know the exact details of the mission, where they are in the world or how long they’ll be gone. So she tells herself not to worry when she doesn’t get a reply.

It’s been a long time since she’s known Bellamy was out on a mission. A long time since she’s let herself worry about him but, it’s as if ever since the admission to Raven that she still loved him Clarke can’t help herself.

She fills her days with army work. Shifts in medical and training the recruits. It's the nights when it’s harder but as each day passes she tells herself that this is normal.

Part of her does remember what it’s like. It's muscle memory being the one at home worrying, just a muscle she hasn’t used in a while.

It’s three am on the ninth night they’ve been gone when Clarke’s phone rings.

She grabs for it and when she sees Raven’s name she snaps awake instantly.

“Raven?”

“Clarke, there’s been an incident,” Raven starts, her voice firm and steady.

“What happened?” Clarke asks. She can’t ask who is involved yet.

“I don’t know but Bellamy’s hurt and it’s bad.”

“Oh God.” Clarke half sobs.

“I’ve just heard from Roan, they’re at Landsthul in Germany. They needed to stablise him before they bring him home.”

“Where are they taking him?” Clarke gets out, barely a whisper.

“Fort Benning. Look, I don’t think you’re meant to know yet but I couldn’t not tell you. Octavia knows, she’s going to meet me and we’re going to the hospital for when they get back. I’ll keep you posted.”

Clarke thinks she says thanks, but doesn’t remember. She hangs up and takes a deep breath, her problem solving analytical side talking over. She calls Wells.

“Clarke, what’s wrong? It’s 3am.”

“It’s Bellamy. He’s been injured. I need to get to Fort Benning but I’m not supposed to know and technically I have no reason to be there because I’m not next of kin, I’m nothing to him…” Clarke breaks then at the realisation she might not be able to see him. That she might lose him.

“Clarke, I need you to breathe ok.”

Clarke nods, still quietly whimpering.

“Where is he now?”

“Germany. Raven said he’s in Germany.”

“I have a friend based out there, let me see what I can find out and I’ll call you straight back ok.”

“But… I need to do something.”

“Right now you need to wait. You can’t do anything until the morning.”

“Wells, what if it’s too late.” She whispers.

“Don’t think like that. Stay positive. I love you Clarke, I’ll call you back really soon ok.”

“Ok. Love you.”

Clarke hangs up and tries to stay positive. To think of only good things, but she can’t help playing the worst-case scenarios through in her mind. All of them end up with Bellamy dead before she has chance to tell him she loves him and that she forgives him.

Her phone barely rings in her hand before she answers it.

“The good news is that they’ve stabilised him and they’re moving him soon.”

“The bad news?” Clarke asks.

“There was an explosion. I don’t know all the details but it sounds serious, Clarke.”

“I need to be with him.”

“I know. My dad is already aware of the situation and is briefing the relevant people. I think you have two ways of doing this. One, plead to Kane’s humanity and tell the truth.”

“And if that doesn’t work.”

“Put in for a transfer to Benning. It won’t get you there straight away but it will get you there.”

“Or secret option three go AWOL and go anyway.”

“Lets call that plan Z. I think appealing to Kane in the morning is the best way to go.”

“I should have been there. I was meant to be on that mission, I was meant to be the medic. I could have stopped this.”

“No, Clarke you couldn’t. This happens. We’re soldiers, we know the risks. It could happen to anyone.”

“I let him down.” She whispers.

“No you didn’t.” Wells replies firm.

He stays on the phone with her ignoring her protests that it’s too late. They don’t say much, both queuing up some rubbish on Netflix that they can watch in the background, but it helps to have him there. To not be on her own. It helps her take her mind off the fact that Bellamy might be dying, that she might not make it to him in time.

*****

In the end Clarke didn’t need to plead to Marcus. He was already prepared to let her have a few days leave. She has to finish up her duties on the base but is able to fly down to Georgia that evening.

Clarke still isn’t speaking to her mother but sends her a text anyway just before she boards the plane.

 **Clarke:** _Bellamy’s been hurt. He’s at Fort Benning. I’m flying to see him._

 **Mom:** _I know a few people down there. If there’s anything I can do, let me know xx_

It’s only on the plane, with no WiFi and no way of contacting anyone, that Clarke begins to worry that Bellamy won’t want her there, that the guys, or Octavia, won’t think she should be there.

She’d sent Raven a text saying she was coming but hasn’t heard back. Clarke assumed it was because she was travelling but what if it’s because everyone is mad that she didn’t go with them on the mission. Or they don’t think she has the right to be there for him after everything.

Clarke knows she’s being self-absorbed, but panicking about that stops her from obsessing over whether Bellamy is still alive.

When she gets off the plane she has a message from Raven.

_Where are you?_

Clarke calls her as she walks across the base to the hospital.

“How is he?” Clarke asks as soon as Raven answers.

“He’s still alive. He’s in surgery.”

Clarke tries not to trip over the still part of Raven’s sentence.

“Clarke, where are you?”

“I’m here. Benning. But if you don’t think I should come up to the hospital that’s fine I can wait on base for news.”

“Are you mad. Of course you should come up. We’re all here waiting.”

Clarke follows Raven’s instructions to the family waiting room. She pauses outside the room, steeling herself. She knocks as she’s already opening the door.

Everyone – Miller, Roan, Lincoln, Raven and Octavia – looks up at the sound.

She pauses in the doorway, frozen.

Miller is the first to reach her, wrapping her in a huge hug. “He’ll be ok. He’s a stubborn bastard.” He mutters into her hair.

Clarke bites her lip to stop from crying. She hugs everyone, even Octavia.

Clarke takes them all in. Miller has cuts on his face and stitches by his right eye. Roan’s arm is in a sling and Lincoln is favouring his left side. They look as bad as she’s ever seen them.

“How long has he been in surgery?” Clarke asks when they all sit back down.

“Three hours.” Lincoln answers.

“Who’s the surgeon?”

“Dr Joseph.” Raven tells her, looking down at her phone. “I made notes but they really didn’t tell us much.”

Clarke takes the phone from Raven and scans the notes she’d made. She’s right there isn't much information but a few things stand out. Head trauma. Burn unit.

“Will you send these to me?” Clarke asks.

“Sure. Why?”

“I’m going to send it to my mom with the name of the surgeon. She knows people down here.” Clarke shrugs.

Raven nods and taps on her phone sending the notes to Clarke. She texts her mom who replies saying she’ll look into it.

They sit and wait, mostly in silence and Clarke is desperate to ask what happened but doesn’t want to make everyone relive it again.

“I need some air.” Raven says after a while, standing and stretching her bad leg. “Come on little Blake, you need a break from this room.”

“I’m fine.” Octavia snaps.

“That wasn’t me asking, that was me telling.”

“What if they come back with news about Bell?”

“We’ll get you straight away.” Lincoln soothes.

“It’s only been four hours. The docs said it could be a while.” Roan adds.

“Ok. Five minutes.” Octavia relents standing and following Raven who promises to return with coffees.

There’s a heavy silence when they leave and Clarke can’t stand it.

“I’m sorry, this is on me. I should’ve been there with you guys.” She says, her voice shaky.

“My god medic, this is not on you. None of us blame you.” Roan says fiercely.

“Seriously Clarke it’s probably better you weren’t there for all the reasons you said.” Lincoln starts, “the whole thing was a shitshow from start to finish. If you’d been there it would’ve made everything even harder.”

“What happened?” She asks.

“It was just one of those missions where everything was against us. We don’t know if we got made or if we were just unlucky but they moved him so we had to change our plans.” Miller says scrubbing a hand over his face tiredly.

“And when we did find them, they were on us instantly. We took fire, Anya was hit.” Roan says.

He shakes his head at Clarke’s unasked question.

“She didn’t stand a chance. She was hit in the head.” Roan says sadly.

“Jesus.”

“We knew they’d be counting on us going back to retrieve her body. So we split up. Roan and Bellamy went for Mohammed, Lincoln and I stayed with Anya.”

“They were everywhere. It was like a shell game trying to find Mohammed. And when we did. When we got to the truck, they blew it.” Roan says.

“Blake was closest. So took the force of the impact. And then they just kept shooting. If we hadn’t had back up from the Alpha Unit, who happened to be in the region, we’d all be dead.” Miller adds.

“I should have been there.” Clarke says tears in her eyes, “I let you guys down.”

Lincoln moves to sit next to her, putting an arm around her shoulders, “When Anya got hit there was a split second where I thought about the fact it could have been you. If it had been, we would have lost Bellamy for sure.”

“He would have gone straight for you and it would’ve been carnage.” Miller agrees.

“Clarke you don’t need to apologise. If anything we’re the ones that let him down.” Roan says angrily, standing up and stalking to the other side of the room.

“No, you can’t think like that. You’re his family, he loves you.” Clarke says going over to Roan. “We just have to be strong for him.”

“Leave the blame at the door.” Lincoln says firmly.

Clarke turns and smiles at him. She looks back at the others.

“Strong for him and Octavia.” She adds.

“Yeah, he’ll survive just to kick our asses if we let her down.” Miller jokes, it’s half-hearted but it helps.

Raven and Octavia come back in with coffees and candy bars, “it was all they had.”

And then they wait.

The shadows in the room lengthen as day turns to night. They sit mostly in silence, occasionally reassuring each other that this is normal.

The hours stretch on and at some point Clarke falls asleep, her head back against the wall. She’s only dozing, so when Miller shifts next to her she’s awake instantly.

Clarke looks across the room and wishes, just briefly, that she had her sketchbook. Raven is leaning against Roan, his good arm around her softly. Leaning in on Raven’s other side is Octavia who has her legs in Lincoln’s lap, his hands resting gently on her calves. If it weren’t for the awful circumstances it would be a beautiful moment to remember.

She’s just about to say as much to Miller who is looking at them fondly when the door opens.

A doctor comes in and there’s a pause when they all scramble to stand up.

“How is he?” Octavia asks.

“I can only give information to family.” He replies, looking at Clarke quizzically.

“As we said earlier, we are family.” Roan says, low and dangerous.

The doctor’s eyes flit to Clarke again.

“Oh, sorry this is Clarke. Bellamy’s girlfriend.” Octavia lies smoothly.

Clarke prays her face doesn’t betray her as she holds out her hand to the surgeon.

“Clarke Griffin. I was on my way here when he was taken into surgery.”

“Griffin? You wouldn’t happen to be related to Doctor Abigail Griffin would you?”

“She’s my mother.”

“I did my residency under her, she’s terrifying. Brilliant, but terrifying.” Dr Joseph says, his face breaking into a smile and Clarke knows her presence won’t be questioned again.

“I’ve heard that.” Clarke says with a smile, “How is Bellamy?”

“Sergeant Blake is stable. We were able to remove the shrapnel that was pressing against his spine. That was putting pressure on his nervous system and causing swelling on the brain. We had to open his skull to release the pressure.”

Clarke hears Octavia swallow a gasp behind her.

“We won’t know the full impact of the injuries until he wakes up but we’re hopeful he’ll make a full recovery.”

“Oh thank god.” Miller mutters.

“I should caution you, it will be a long road. He is very lucky. If you hadn’t got him out to Germany when you did this would be a very different conversation.”

“Can we see him?” Raven asks.

“He’s unconscious. Will be for some time.” The doctor says.

“I don’t care. Please I want to see my brother.” Octavia pleads.

“Ok. Two at a time. Follow me.” Dr Joseph says reluctantly.

“Octavia and Clarke first.” Raven says as they’re waking down the corridor.

Clarke opens her mouth to protest but Octavia grabs her hand and fixes her with a glare that reminds Clarke so much of Bellamy that she almost stops in her tracks.

“He’s in the recovery ward, the bed at the end.” Dr Joseph tells them.

Octavia squeezes Clarke’s hand and they walk into the ward. Clarke tries to ignore all the other curtained beds as they walk down to the end of the room.

When Dr Joseph pulls back the curtain and they see Bellamy for the first time Clarke is glad she is holding onto Octavia otherwise she thinks the younger girl would collapse.

“Bell.” Octavia sobs, going up to the bed.

It looks bad. He’s pale and wan, with a bandage around his head and one of his arms. There’s bruising around his eyes and almost every available space is connected to a machine. Even Clarke who is used to hospitals and had tried to prepare herself is shocked.

To distract herself from how bad he looks she grabs his notes.

“May I?” She asks Dr Joseph.

“Are you a doctor?”

“Medic. Going back to school in the fall for pre-med.”

“Of course.” He smiles, indulgently and a little condescendingly.

What Clarke really wants to do is take a picture of the notes for her mother but she can’t do that with Dr Joseph in the room. She glances over them and puts them back.

“I’m going to get one of the others. Let them have a chance to see him.” Clarke tells Octavia, who is holding her brothers hand and stroking it softly.

She nods but says nothing.

“How is he?” Raven asks when Clarke comes back out.

“He looks bad, but that’s to be expected.” Clarke admits.

They nod, and Clarke can see them physically straighten.

“Look, I really want a picture of his chart to send to my mom. Can one of you try for me? Joseph wouldn’t let me out of his sight.” Clarke says.

“Of course.”

Miller and Lincoln go in next.

“I’ll be in the waiting room.” Clarke says to Raven before heading back down the corridor.

Clarke knows they have to wait, let medicine do its job. But she’s never been good at waiting with nothing to do.

*****

By the time the others come back into the room after seeing Bellamy she’s on her third phone call.

“I am aware of the time, but as I’m sure you’re aware Mr Wallace, urgent care is a 24 hour job.”

She sees the others glance around at each other but ignores them. Raven hands her a phone with the notes on.

“Thank you.” Clarke mouths.

“I do appreciate that these arrangements are hard to make at this time of night but I also happen to know that these rooms are in a state of constant readiness.”

“Of course, I’d love to help but we need to treat each case the same and I will not be able to look at the details of this particular one until the morning.” Wallace says insincerely.

“No, absolutely, I understand. Yes, we can pick this up in the morning. Actually that works for me because I need to update the rest of our friends and family, I missed a call from the Jaha’s while I was talking to you.” Clarke says lightly, waiting a beat to let her words sink in.

“The Jaha’s?”

“Oh yes, they’re old family friends. Now, Mr Wallace I shall let you get back to your rest and I’m sure you’ll see what you can do in the morning.”

“Leave it with me miss Griffiths.”

“Griffin. Clarke Griffin.” She corrects.

“Ah, yes of course. I’ll have someone with you shortly.”

“Much appreciated.”

Clarke hangs up and instantly sets about sending the notes to herself to pass on to her mother.

“Uhh... What was that?” Raven asks when it becomes clear Clarke isn’t going to offer any information.

“The hospital administrator.” Clarke says distractedly.

“Why are you calling the hospital administrator?” Miller asks.

Clarke holds up her hand, to ask for a minute as she sends the notes to her mom.

 **Clarke:** _this is Bellamy’s chart. They said he came out of surgery well but can you let me know if there’s anything we should look out for._

“Sorry, what?” Clarke says when she’s sent the text.

She looks up to see all of them staring at her.

“You’ve been on the phone since you saw Bellamy. What’s going on?” Roan asks.

“Is it Bell? Are they not telling us something bad?” Octavia asks quietly.

“As far as I know they’re telling us everything, but I’ve sent his chart to my mom just in case. A second opinion never hurts.” Clarke says softly.

“And the phone calls.” Raven prompts.

“I called Kane to update him, and my friend Wells. Then when you guys came back in I was speaking to a slimy little man called Cage Wallace. He’s the hospital administrator.”

“And why were you talking to him? It sounded like you were trying to get him to do something and he didn’t want to.” Lincoln says.

“Exactly right. I was getting Bellamy moved to a private room. Studies have shown you recuperate better if you have a dedicated space. Plus I know they have recovery suites here, so then we’d all be able to be nearby. Octavia could stay overnight. He can’t be in a ward with everyone.” Clarke says.

“You can do that?” Octavia asks.

Clarke nods.

“I always forget you have friends in high places.” Raven says with a grin.

“And money. Don’t forget that.” Roan laughs, not unkindly. Clarke knows enough about him to know that he isn’t exactly short of money.

“I also know that Wallace wants to run for office so he thinks getting my family on side will be good for his campaign fund. Which it wouldn’t because he’s an ass but he doesn’t need to know that right now.” Clarke grins devilishly.

Octavia is frowning at her.

“Did I overstep? Sorry. I just want him to get the best care and I...” Clarke falters when she sees Octavia’s expression.

“No you didn’t. I just never knew all that about you. Bell always just made you sound like this normal soldier girl he happened to fall in love with.”

“Oh.” Clarke says, because she doesn’t know what else to say to that.

She’s saved from having to say anything more by her phone ringing.

“Mom?”

“Hello sweetheart.”

“I wasn’t expecting to hear from you until the morning.”

“It’s fine. My phone was on.”

There’s a pause where Clarke doesn’t know what to say.

“Just because I don’t like what happened between you doesn’t mean I’m not worried about him.” Abby says, which makes Clarke feel instantly guilty because that is kind of what she assumed.

Abby continues as if she knew exactly what Clarke was thinking.

“So this all looks pretty straightforward and is what they told you. I’m going to speak to Dr Joseph in the morning so I’ll have a clearer update then.”

“You don’t need to do that.” Clarke says but it’s half-hearted and Abby wisely ignores her.

“The only concerning bit is that the shrapnel they removed had been pressing on the nerves for a long time so what will happen when he wakes is unknown.”

“But he will wake up?” Clarke asks frantic.

Everyone else in the room pauses, staring at Clarke with worry.

“There’s no medical reason for him not to. A friend of mine from med school is a neurologist in Atlanta so if we need to we can get a consult but I think we’re a long way from that. He’s in safe hands Clarke.”

Clarke lets out a shaky breath she hasn’t realised she’d be holding.

“He’ll be ok.” She says more to the room than to her mother, “I, uhh, may have dropped the our name and the Jaha name to get him moved to a better room. He’s on a communal ward right now.”

“Of course, you did the right thing. I know Cage Wallace and he’s a snake so if you need anything, anything at all Clarke call me.”

“Thanks mom.”

“I love you Clarke. Try and sleep. I know you won’t want to leave him but none of you are any good to him if you’re half asleep.”

“Yes mom.”

Clarke hangs up the phone and relays the conversation to the others.

“Your mom sounds like a bad ass.” Octavia says impressed.

“She is. When she’s on your side.” Clarke agrees.

“She got me a shit hot referral for my leg.” Raven adds.

“I didn’t know that.”

“Yeah I think Kane hooked it up. It was before I knew you so it just never came up.”

“It wasn’t Kane. Well, it was, but only because Bellamy went to him.” Miller says.

“What?” Raven and Clarke exclaim.

“Yeah, he knew you were getting fobbed off and it was just around the time him and Clarke started officially dating. He knew who her mom was, and found out she knew Kane so figured if he just mentioned it in passing Kane would do the rest.” Miller explains.

“Fucking Blake, such a mother hen. I’m going to kill him when he wakes up.” Raven snipes but the fond expression on her face undercuts her words.

“Speaking of sleep. We need to get some.” Roan says.

“I’m not leaving.” Clarke and Octavia say at the same time.

“So we’ve established Clarke and Octavia aren’t leaving.” Miller says, dry.

“I want to wait until we know if, when, he’s being moved.” Clarke says, “then I’ll sleep.”

“I don’t want him to be alone.” Octavia argues.

“I wasn’t suggesting anyone leave actually,” Roan says calmly, “just that it’s 4am, we should think about at least trying to rest so we can be ready for tomorrow.”

It’s a sensible suggestion and they all know it. It takes a bit of manoeuvring, ironically hospital waiting rooms aren’t designed for comfort, but they manage it. Clarke is lying across three chairs, with her feet tucked under the arms. Everyone else is in various similar states – Miller gave up on the chairs entirely and lay on the floor, bundling his coat as a pillow and muttering that it still wasn’t as bad as Mosul.

*****

Clarke isn’t sure how much sleep she’s had, an hour, maybe more, when the door opens again.

“Sorry to wake you,” a tall man with dark blonde hair says as he enters the room, not sounding sorry at all.

They all shift, moving and waking up. Miller offers Clarke his hand as she tries to extricate herself from the chairs she’s been sleeping on.

“I’m sorry, who are you?” Raven asks, when they’re all awake.

“My name is Carl Emerson, I work with Mr Wallace.” He says.

“I see.” Clarke says carefully, “does Mr Wallace have time to meet with me today?”

“Regretfully he doesn’t. But he has been able to process your request and we’ve moved your friend. If you’d like to follow me.”

Emerson heads out of the room and they all exchange glances and shrugs as they follow him.

“We’ve been able to move Mr Blake.”

“Staff Sergeant Blake.” Lincoln corrects with a growl.

Clarke bites back a smile; pleased to see she’s not the only one who has instantly taken against Emerson.

“Of course. We have moved Staff Sergeant Blake to a more private room. I hope this one is more to your liking.”

Clarke doesn’t like Emerson’s tone but doesn’t rise to the bait.

“I’m sure if Mr Wallace thinks this is suitable then we’ll have no problems.” She says in a tone that makes it clear just how many problems there might be.

They all pile into the lift and Emerson pushes the button for the tenth floor. It’s an awkward ride and Clarke is aware just how little they have all slept and showered in the last few days. It’s worth it for the grimace on Emerson’s face though and she shares a small grin with Raven who has clearly come to the same conclusion.

When the lift opens on the tenth floor Emerson directs them to the left and stops outside of the Mountain Suite.

“Your friend, Staff Sergeant Blake, has been moved up here. There is already a nurse in with him and my number is in the file if you need anything.” Emerson tells them pushing opening the door before stepping away. “If you’ll excuse me I have other hospital business to attend to.”

“He was a charmer.” Roan cracks as they all watch him walk away.

Octavia is already making her way into the room, when she stops short.

“Jesus, I’ve lived in shittier apartments than this.”

Clarke comes in behind her, the others on her heels. The first room they enter is a large bright room, with two couches, a few scattered armchairs, a table and a flat screen television. There is a door ahead of them and one to the left.

“Oh, I thought I heard voices.” A brunette in a nurse’s uniform says coming out of the door in front of them.

“I’m Maya. I’m the day nurse for Staff Sergeant Blake.”

“Is he here? Can we see him?” Octavia asks.

“Of course. He’s just through here.” Maya says motioning to the door behind her. “A couple of things before you do see him. He’s doing well but is still in a delicate condition so every time you go in and out of that room I want you to use this.” She says pointing at an antibacterial rub.

They all nod.

“There’s no limit to how many of you can be in with him at any time but keep in mind this is still a hospital and you have both of these rooms, and the bathroom, entirely for Staff Sergeant Blake and his family, so there’s no need to crowd him.”

Clarke decides right then that she likes Maya. Her face is kind and although the tone is soft there is no mistaking the importance of her words and how seriously she takes her job.

“Thank you.” Clarke says with a small smile.

“Of course. Now I’m just down the corridor if you need me and this phone here goes direct to my pager if you press one. I’ll leave you alone.”

“I like her.” Raven grins flopping down onto one of the chairs.

“Me too.” Clarke smiles back.

Miller and Octavia go in to see Bellamy first.

“It is amazing what money and power can get you in this country.” Lincoln sighs looking around the world.

“If by amazing, you mean horrific and unfair, then yeah.” Raven snarks.

“Unfair yes, but right now that is working in our favour.” Clarke reminds her.

“Hey I’m not complaining about this, just the system.” Raven says softly.

“You guys can come in,” Miller says poking his head back out the door, “there’s enough space for an army in here.”

“Funny.” Roan smirks.

They go in, pausing at the anti-bac station first. Miller isn’t wrong, the room is big, with large windows, although the curtains are drawn, and a couple of chairs. Bellamy’s bed is in the middle of the room and Clarke thinks he looks so small lying there.

She goes over to the bed frowning at the dark bruises on his face. He still has a breathing tube and she makes a mental note to ask Maya when that can be removed.

“I hate to be the one to say it but we all really need showers, and fresh clothes.” Raven says quietly.

They’ve all lowered their tone since coming in to Bellamy’s room and Clarke isn’t sure if it was a conscious decision or not.

“I don’t want to leave him alone.” Octavia says, perched on the bed holding her brother’s good hand.

“Me neither, that’s not what I’m suggesting. Why don’t we take it in turns?”

“I have a change of clothes with me and Maya said there’s a shower here, so why don’t I use that and then I’ll be fresh to sit here with him.” Clarke offers.

Clarke leaves them all to agree on who goes when and heads to the bathroom. Once she’s closed the door and turned on the shower she waits to see if the tears will come, and is a little surprised when they don’t. It’s not that she’s not worried, but this part – an army hospital – she knows and whatever comes next Bellamy won’t be alone.

When Clarke is done she goes in to Bellamy’s room surprised that only Octavia is there.

“They’ve gone to change. Lincoln is going to bring me clothes.” She tells Clarke.

Clarke nods and sits down on a chair on the opposite side of Bellamy’s bed.

“How’s that going?”

Octavia frowns.

“You and Lincoln.” Clarke clarifies.

“Good I think. He’s been great with all this.”

Clarke nods.

“You know, me and Bell weren’t really speaking when they went on this op. We were talking but were still mad at each other.” Octavia says not looking at Clarke, instead looking at her brother.

“Because of Lincoln?”

“Kinda. I didn’t know how to tell him, so I just kind of blurted it out the night of that fancy party when I knew he was distracted. And he was so angry and self-righteous, which made me angry and self-righteous. You know?”

“Why was he angry?”

“He said that I could do better than a soldier, better than him, which is bullshit because he loves Lincoln like family.”

“The people that love us always want more for us.” Clarke shrugs thinking of her own mother.

“He doesn’t get it though, there isn’t more. Bellamy changed my life. There isn’t better than a soldier because he’s a soldier and he’s the best thing in my world.” Octavia says softly. “What if he dies without knowing that?”

“He’s not going to die.” Clarke says firmly going over to the other side of the bed and hugging Octavia.

Octavia swipes at her face with her sleeve and stands, “I’m going to...” she motions to the other room and Clarke nods.

When she’s gone Clarke sits down in the empty chair and takes Bellamy’s hand.

“Don’t die.” She whispers, “You promised.”

The tears that wouldn’t come earlier fill her eyes now as she sits there, stroking her thumb over the back of his hand and watching the rise and fall of his chest as the machines beep in the background.

“Don’t die.”

*****

“Hi I’m Fox, I’m the night nurse.” A woman says with a smile coming in to the annex outside Bellamy’s room.

“Miller, Roan, get out here and meet the new nurse.” Raven calls.

They come out of Bellamy’s room where they’ve been sitting for the last hour.

“New nurse? Where’s Maya?” Miller asks.

“She’s the day nurse, I’m here for the night shift. My name is Fox if you need anything at all.”

“Actual name or nickname?” Octavia asks.

“Actual name,” Fox smiles like she gets the question a lot, “apparently the first time my mom felt me kick was when she saw a fox in the garden and they thought it was a sign.”

“Hey, no judgement here. I’m Octavia, that’s Raven. My brother is called Bellamy and Clarke is definitely not a normal name for a girl.”

“Hey!” Clarke huffs indignant.

“I’ll fit in fine then.” Fox smiles, “I’m going to check on Sergeant Blake and then you guys can head on back in.”

“A Fox and a Raven, it’s like a zoo in here.” Roan teases, dropping a kiss on Raven’s head.

“Fuck you.” She laughs mildly.

“Ok, all good.” Fox says coming out of Bellamy’s room after about ten minutes.

“Yeah?” Lincoln asks, worried.

“He’s still in a serious condition but given the last 24 hours he’s where we’d expect him to be. I have to do my rounds but that number will go directly to me and for anything serious press the alarm.”

“Thank you.” Clarke smiles.

“Technically visiting hours are over in an hour, but we’ve been told you’re all allowed to stay. The only thing I’ll say is that I will need to come in to check on Sergeant Blake throughout the night, so if you are all staying leave space for me to work.” Fox tells them before leaving the room.

“I like this one too. Did you pulls strings on the nurses too Griffin?” Roan asks.

“Nope. We just lucked out.” Clarke shrugs.

“It seems silly for us all to stay,” Clarke says after a beat, “he’s only sleeping.”

“I take it you’re volunteering to leave then?” Miller says wryly.

“No! I’m staying, I’m just saying we don’t all have to.”

“So you think we should leave?” Raven huffs, crossing her arms.

“No, that’s not what I meant… I just… fuck it. Forget I said anything, we all stay, we all sleep wherever and when he wakes up we can blame him for the fact that we all have fucked our backs.” Clarke huffs.

“That was my plan.” Roan grins.

*****

In the end they do all stay. Clarke and Octavia take the chairs that fold out in Bellamy’s room, while the other four take the couches and chairs in the annex.

It’s around midnight, Clarke isn’t sleeping even though she knows she should, instead she’s sitting up watching the machines and Bellamy. He looks so young and peaceful lying there she can’t quite believe it’s the same man who willing throws himself in harms way.

“I get it now.” Octavia says quietly.

Clarke startles, she thought the other girl was sleeping. She glances over to where Octavia is lying, curled on her side, her head propped on her arm.

“Get what?” Clarke asks softly.

“Why you were so pissed at him for the way he handled me showing up.”

Clarke frowns, not knowing where this is coming from.

“I always thought you were being too hard on him, you know. His messed up sister he didn't even know about had just turned up out of the blue and he panicked. But, seeing what you did, with this room, your family – everything over the last 24 hours. I understand now. You could have helped me.”

“Yeah, probably.” Clarke confesses.

“And that’s why you were pissed.”

“Partially.” Clarke admits, she’s not sure if it’s the late hour or the stillness of the room but she finds herself continuing, explaining further, “I was pissed because he didn’t come to me. Didn’t trust me to help. I don’t care that he dropped everything to help you, it’s Bellamy, of course he did. I care that he didn’t care about me enough to let me help him.”

“I don’t think he didn’t care…” Octavia starts.

“Can we not.” Clarke sighs.

“Sure.”

“Thank you for saying what you said, but I really don’t want to talk about it. It doesn’t matter right now, when he’s awake and better, maybe then.”

Octavia nods and turns back to her brother, who is still unconscious.

“He’ll be glad, you know. That you’re here.” Octavia says before closing her eyes again.

Clarke doesn’t have a response to that so doesn’t try. Instead she tilts her chair back and tries to sleep.

*****

She does fall asleep because she’s awoke by loud frantic beeping and Octavia’s almost hysterical repetition of her brother’s name.

“What’s going on?” Clarke asks springing up out of her chair.

“I don’t know. The machines just started going crazy.”

Clarke hits the alarm button but thinks that there must have already been an alert because Fox and two other people are in the room almost instantly.

Everything happens so fast that it’s like a blur. The nurses are checking vitals, calling for things.

She hears Fox tell someone to page surgery and watches as someone else administers a syringe of something into Bellamy’s IV but she can’t work out what’s happening. It’s as if she’s watching a show she recognises but in another language, it’s familiar and confusing all at the same time.

“Take him down.” Fox shouts.

One of the other nurses, a man Clarke hasn’t seen before barks some things into the other room and then is opening the other half of the door and going to the side of Bellamy’s bed.

Three people wheel him out as Clarke and Octavia find one another and hold tight watching it all unfold around them.

They’re clinging to each other, both of them crying as they blindly follow Bellamy’s bed out of the room. They only get as far as the annex before Raven, Miller, Roan and Lincoln surround them asking questions they can’t answer.

“What happened?”

“Where are they taking him?”

“What’s going on?”

“Will he be ok?”

After a few minutes that feel like an eternity Fox comes in.

“Sit down you two.” She says sternly but kindly, looking at Clarke and Octavia.

“After any surgery the risk of clotting is high. Usually we prescribe blood thinners but given the type of trauma Sergeant Blake sustained Dr Joseph was reluctant to do that, so we have been monitoring him closely for any sign of a clot.”

“All of that commotion was because of a clot?” Miller asks sceptically.

“Yes and no. Nurse Vie, Maya, noticed a clot on his leg this morning, we were expecting that and it’s standard to monitor it as I explained. On my rounds this evening it was normal still, however it appears it has moved towards his lung.”

“Oh my god.” Octavia gasps, still holding Clarke.

“This happens and is surprisingly common, but it can also be fatal, so we need to remove the clot right away.”

“And that’s what’s happening now?” Roan asks.

“Yes. We’ve taken him down to surgery.”

“Fuck.” Raven exclaims.

“I know this must be terrifying but try not to be alarmed. He is in the best hands and because we were worried about the risk of this, we had the monitors set up to detect even the slightest change in breath patterns, which is why we were able to get in to him so quickly.” Fox assures them.

“I will be in with news as soon as there is any.” She adds standing up.

When she comes back in the room five minutes later they all startle.

“Nothing yet, it will likely be a while. I was just bringing hot water for tea and to fill up the coffee pot. I’d advise you against the coffee but as I know none of you are going to sleep anyway it’s here.” Fox says kindly.

She leaves the room and they wait again.

Somehow they have manipulated themselves so all of them are touching in someway. Clarke is still clinging to Octavia but she’s also leaning against Miller. Octavia has her legs in Lincoln’s lap, while he leans against Roan. Raven is sitting on the floor, leaning against Roan’s legs with her hand holding Miller’s.

After about an hour of mostly silence, Miller speaks.

“If he dies I’m going to fucking kill him.”

“Line forms behind me.” Roan snarks.

“My brother, my responsibility.” Octavia adds.

“God we’re assholes.” Raven laughs sadly.

“Yep, but he chose us. So what does that say about him.” Lincoln says.

“He can’t die. He never text me back, and he’s too fucking stubborn to die letting me have the last word.” Clarke says weakly.

“Is it strange that I actually find that comforting. He really is too stubborn to let that happen.” Miller sighs.

They all lapse into silence again and Clarke tries not to pay attention to the clock on the wall, but the ticks echo around the room marking every second that Bellamy isn’t with them. Every second he might never come back.

After another half an hour of waiting where Clarke feels like time is standing still Fox comes in. She has a blonde woman wearing scrubs with her.

“Hi, I’m Dr Trekunan, but everyone calls me Dr Niylah. I was the on-call surgeon who worked on Staff Sergeant Blake.”

“Is he ok?” Roan asks.

“He came out of surgery well. We managed to cut out the clot and although it might not seem like it now it was actually a blessing in disguise.”

Octavia snorts.

“When we opened him up we saw damage to the spleen and internal bleeding.”

“How did you miss that before?” Raven snaps.

“We didn’t. In these cases trauma can present itself long after initial injury. The damage was not bad when Sergeant Blake had his first surgery. We were monitoring it but we would not have seen how bad it was until much later. This way we were able to save the spleen.” Dr Niylah tells them.

“Can we see the notes? I trust you but my mom is a surgeon and I’m sure you can understand why we need reassurance.” Clarke asks tiredly.

“Of course. I’m on call until the morning. I’m happy to call her and talk through everything.” She says with a smile.

“They’re keeping him in the surgery recovery suite until morning.” Fox tells them all when Dr Niylah leaves.

“Is that normal?” Octavia asks.

“Yes. I know the last few hours have been horribly scary and your faith in us is probably pretty low right now but he is being well looked after, I promise.”

“Maya will bring him up in the morning, please try and get some sleep.” Fox tells softly them as she leaves the room.

The do sleep but only a few hours. All of them awake by some unspoken agreement as soon as the shift nurses switch over.

“Hello. I hear you all had a completely quiet, uneventful night.” Maya says dry when she comes in.

They all roll their eyes or huff out a laugh and Clarke feels a little of the weight that had settled in her stomach lessen.

It doesn’t completely go until a few hours later when they wheel Bellamy back up into the room.

He is still surrounded by wires and hooked up to machines. Still too pale with the bruising too vivid, but he’s there, in front of them. And once he’s settled Clarke goes over to him pushing back his hair lightly and kissing his forehead. She’s past embarrassment or feeling like she doesn’t belong, she just wants to reassure herself that he is real. If the way the rest of them go up to him, hold his hand, pat his good leg, is any indication, she’s not the only one.

*****

It’s mid-afternoon when Dr Joseph comes back into the room.

Clarke, Raven and Octavia are in the annex while the boys sit in with Bellamy. They’re playing poker and trash talking a still-unconscious Bellamy about having a shitty poker face.

“Miss Griffin, how are you?”

“As expected I imagine.”

“Of course. I wanted to let you know that we’re monitoring Sergeant Blake’s progress and I’m happy with what we’re seeing.”

“Other than the middle of the night dash to surgery you mean.” Raven snarks.

“With injuries like Sergeant Blake’s there are often un-expected complications but I assure you he is getting the best treatment. All being well we hope to remove the intubation tube tomorrow and he should wake up.”

“Really? He’ll be awake.”

“It’s still a slow process, but yes.”

Clarke exchanges smiles with Raven and Octavia as Dr Joseph goes into Bellamy’s room.

“Doc needs to check him over so kicked us out.” Miller says.

“I don’t think he appreciated us using Blake as a card table.” Roan adds wryly earning himself a kick from Raven.

“What? He’s in the middle of the room, it made sense.” Clarke hits him on his good arm.

*****

They pass another night in the hospital and Clarke realises that this is something they’ve all become experts in – waiting for a loved one in hospital. And, while it isn’t something she ever wants to have to use again, she feels a bloom of warmth that the fact that all of them have made it this far together.

Of course that bloom of warmth only lasts as long as the next morning.

“Ok, now he’s breathing fully on his own and no longer intubated he should wake up.” Dr Joseph tells them all.

They thank him and wait until he’s gone to ask Maya questions, by some unspoken agreement they’ve all decided they trust the nurses more than the doctors.

“When will he wake up?” Octavia asks.

They were all in the annex to listen to Dr Joseph but are now crowding around Maya in Bellamy’s room.

“It is different in every case. Could be a few minutes, could be a few hours.”

“So hours is normal, right? We shouldn’t worry if it takes hours?” Octavia asks urgently.

“No. His vitals are good and honestly, I would expect him to be awake by mid afternoon, but if he’s not don’t panic. This is not an exact science.” Maya says softly.

“Comforting.” Miller snarks softly.

“The most important thing is that you guys don’t overwhelm him. He will most likely be a bit disorientated and groggy from the medicine when he wakes so it might take a few minutes for him to come around.”

“So should we take it in turns to be in here?” Raven asks, ever practical.

“I think it’s fine to all be in here, you guys are used to the space now, but just try and keep things low key and calm when he does wake.”

“Low key and calm. We can do that.” Clarke says determinedly as the others nod.

*****

When Bellamy does eventually wake up Clarke and Octavia are in the middle of an argument.

It’s not a surprise tempers are flaring, four days in close proximity with one another all while worried about Bellamy, the only surprise is how quickly it escalated.

“Are your professors going to let you make up the finals? We could probably talk to someone at the school if we need to.” Clarke says to Octavia.

As has become the norm, she’s on one side of Bellamy’s bed with Octavia on the other. Everyone else is scattered around.

“I guess.” Octavia replies vaguely.

The only reason it’s on Clarke’s mind is because she’s just convinced Kane to let her have a few more days of personal leave. She wasn’t actually digging into Octavia’s life, mostly just making conversation but Octavia’s evasive reply gets Clarke’s attention.

“What do you mean, I guess? Have you spoken to the school? Do they know what’s going on?”

“They know Bell is in hospital, yeah.”

“And?”

“And?” Octavia grumbles back sarcastically.

“What did they say about you making up the credit?”

“I didn’t ask.”

“Why not?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“The reasons or the grades.” Clarke asks narrowing her eyes.

“Both.” Octavia shrugs.

“Octavia–” Clarke starts.

“I go to school in Texas. Bell will be in North Carolina, I can’t be in Texas and look after him, so I was just going to drop school for now and worry about it later.”

“That’s ridiculous.”

“Excuse me?”

“You can’t drop out of school to look after him.”

“Says who?”

“Bellamy probably.”

“Oh I see. A few days here and suddenly you’re the authority. Are we just ignoring the fact that you haven’t been around for years.” Octavia spits.

“Octavia–” Lincoln says, low.

“Stay out of it.” She snaps at him, “It’s true. She wanted nothing to do with my brother.”

She whirls back to Clarke, “And now, what? You’re suddenly telling me what I can and can’t do. You’re not even a part of his life.”

“Yeah? And whose fault is that.” Clarke fires back. She’s on her feet now, glaring at Octavia across Bellamy’s bed.

“Guys, this isn’t the place.” Raven starts.

They ignore her. Octavia gets to her feet too and is positively glowering at Clarke.

“So that’s how it is. The fuck-up sister can’t compete with the rich girl. So what? You’re going to look after Bellamy?”

“Well as I do have medical training it makes more sense that you dropping out of school to play nursemaid.”

“You’d be dropping out of school too. Or did you think I didn’t know that you’re going to school in California. The opposite side of the country from my brother.”

“Thats- that’s months away.” Clarke splutters.

“So it’s fine for you to ditch your fancy education but if I want to help my brother I’m making a mistake.”

“That’s not what I said. You don’t even know what kind of care he’ll need, you shouldn’t put your life on hold.” Clarke tries.

“He did for me.”

“Oh I’m well aware.”

“What more do you want from us! I’ve said sorry, Bell has jumped through a thousand hoops and you still won’t fucking forgive him. Why are you even here? He wouldn’t expect you to be, you’ve made your feelings quite obvious. You clearly don’t care about him.”

“I don’t care? I don’t care. Are you fucking kidding me? How dare you.” Clarke seethes.

“Well it’s true. You’re only here because you feel guilty. You didn’t go with them and my brother almost died, that’s on you.”

Clarke reels as though she’s been slapped and Octavia instantly knows she’s gone too far

“Clarke, I didn’t… I’m–” Octavia starts, but is cut off by Lincoln.

“Oh my god, Bellamy.”

Clarke whips her head round to see Bellamy, awake and flustered but awake.

“Bell.” Octavia exhales, leaning over to him and taking his hand.

“Hey-“ he croaks.

“I’m going to get Maya.” Clarke says excusing herself.

She goes through the annex telling the others that he’s awake and goes to find Maya. She follows the nurse back to Bellamy’s suite but pauses outside. She doesn’t want to go in now, doesn’t feel like she belongs now he’s awake. Octavia was right, he wouldn’t expect to see her, Clarke hasn’t been around.

She sits down on one of the plastic chairs outside of his suite and puts her head in her hands, pushing the heel of her palms into her eyes to stop the tears.

Clarke isn’t sure how long she’s been sitting out there when she feels someone sit down next to her.

“Should’ve known all he needed to wake up was to hear you and Octavia arguing.” Miller says dryly.

“Is he ok?” Clarke asks quietly, still not looking up.

“Seems to be. Maya’s checked him over and she’s happy. She’s getting Dr Joseph to come by on his rounds but he’s awake and alert. He moved his arms and legs.”

“Good, that’s good.”

“He keeps looking around the room though, searching for something.” Miller says softly.

Clarke shrugs, she doesn’t know what else to do. She desperately wants to go to Bellamy but what if Octavia is right.

“I know you know this but Octavia didn’t mean what she said.”

“I really didn’t. I was being a dick.” Octavia says, surprising Clarke who hadn’t heard her come out.

Miller stands and Octavia takes his seat.

“I do this thing, my brother does it too so you’re probably familiar with it, but when someone tells me something I know is true but don’t want to acknowledge I double down on the stubbornness. You’re right, I don’t have what it takes to look after him full-time, but the idea of him being alone terrifies me. And so I picked a fight with you.”

“I gave as good as I got.” Clarke replies raising her head.

“Yeah, but I went too far. This is not on you at all. It’s not on you, on the guys, on Bellamy, it’s just one of those shitty things. I don’t blame you Clarke.” Octavia says seriously.

When Clarke doesn’t respond, she continues.

“I don’t know what I would’ve done without you these past few days. What any of us would’ve done. I’m sorry I was a dick. Sorry I said you don’t care. I know you do.”

“I’m sorry too. You’re right, how you and Bellamy live your lives is none of my business.”

Octavia snorts, “something tells me that won’t be the case for long.”

Clarke frowns but Octavia stands up and offers her a hand, “Come on. He’s asking after you.”

Clarke takes Octavia’s hand and lets the other girl pull her up. Octavia wraps her arms around Clarke and whispers, “I’m glad you’re here and I really am sorry for what I said,” before letting go.

Clarke walks through the annex with Octavia she can hear everyone chattering excitedly but can’t help the nerves that flutter in her stomach. She knows Octavia said he wants to see her but what if it’s just to send her away again.

She pauses briefly at the door to his room but Octavia is next to her and nudges her in.

“Hi.” Clarke says quietly, hovering at the foot of the bed.

“Hi.” Bellamy smiles back softly, his eyes finding hers.

“Ok.” Raven says clapping her hands together, “Everyone out.”

Clarke is aware of everyone leaving, and feels Raven squeeze her hand but she only has eyes for Bellamy, who also hasn’t stopped looking at her.

“How are you feeling?” she asks.

“I thought I’d imagined you.” He says gently.

“What?” Clarke says moving closer to him, still not sure of herself.

“When I woke up I saw you with O, but then you disappeared and everyone else was here so I thought I’d imagined you.”

“No I’m real. I just went to get Maya, the nurse. And uhh, didn’t come back in.”

“Why not?”

“I didn’t know if you’d want me here. I didn’t want to intrude.”

Bellamy huffs and then winces in pain, Clarke is by his side in an instant, her eyes roaming all over him.

“Are you in pain? Do you want me to get Maya?”

“I’m fine.”

Clarke glares at him.

“Ok, fine might be overstating it but I’m ok right now. Please don’t leave again.”

His soft pleading tone is what breaks her, and even though she doesn’t mean too Clarke can’t help the tears that stream down her face.

“I’m so sorry I wasn’t there, I’m so sorry.”

“Hey, don’t cry. It’s ok.”

“It’s not.” She says through tears, swiping angrily at her face, “I should have been there with you. I just let you go.”

“Clarke come here please, I’m working at a disadvantage right now.” He teases softly, motioning down at the bed.

She goes over, pulling a chair with her and sitting next to him.

“Closer.” He says reaching out his good hand.

She takes hold of his hand and pulls her chair so she’s level with him.

“God, I’m such a mess.” She sniffles.

“You’re beautiful.”

“You’re high on pain meds.”

“Maybe, but doesn’t make it less true.” He smiles.

He raises his good arm, the one that isn’t bandaged, and gently cups her face with his hand.

“You have nothing to apologise for. I knew what I was doing.”

“You could have died. You almost did.”

“But I didn’t. You told me not to and I didn’t.”

“I really thought you were going to and all I could think was he’ll die thinking I don’t love him. And it’s not true. Bellamy, I love you.”

“Love me like, want to try being together again or love me like you’re glad I didn’t die.” He asks cautiously.

“Both. But the first one mostly.”

“Oh thank fuck.”

“We can talk about it when you’re out of here, but I want to move past everything, I want to try again.” Clarke says kissing his hand.

“If you want to that is.” Clarke says hesitantly when he doesn’t reply.

“Yes, of course. I thought that was obvious. I love you. I am all in.”

“Come here.” He says and she sits up on the bed next to him, “Closer.”

She does and Bellamy kisses her quickly and chastely.

“I owe you a proper kiss when I can move again.”

“I’ll hold you to that.” She grins, brushing his hair back from his head softly.

Bellamy falls asleep not long after that but Clarke can’t be mad, he’s here and alive.

*****

When he wakes up again, Clarke is leaning on the bed with her head on her arms facing away from him talking to Raven. Miller and Roan are playing silent snap, which mostly involves glaring at each other and Octavia is on Lincoln’s lap talking quietly to him.

“Hey sleeping beauty.” Roan snarks, noticing Bellamy is awake.

Clarke whips her head around to him so fast she cricks her neck.

“Ow. And hi.” She smiles at him.

“Hi, are you ok?” Bellamy asks fondly rubbing her neck.

“That was going to be my line.” She grins at him and nuzzles into his arm.

“You guys are fucking nauseating.” Raven huffs, but she’s grinning. “Were they like this last time?”

“Worse I think. I can’t really remember. I think I blocked it out.” Miller sighs.

“Remember when they kept trying to pretend they were only friends, my god that was a long few months.” Lincoln teases.

“I made out like a bandit thanks to their stalling though, so I’m not complaining.” Roan grins.

“Hmm, that reminds me you still owe me a drink or three.” Clarke says narrowing her eyes at Roan.

“Trust me when this one is back on his feet, I’ll buy out the a whole damn bar to celebrate.” Roan laughs.

“If I didn’t know better, I’d say you guys care about me.” Bellamy teases. Clarke smiles at him, he’s still pale but his eyes are bright.

“Nah, just glad I don’t have to worry about mentioning Clarke’s name around you anymore.” Roan jokes.

“And all it took was me getting blown up and nearly dying. Small price to pay.” Bellamy smirks.

“Don’t joke. I swear to god, if you do anything like again that I will kill you myself.” Clarke scowls at him.

“And then I’ll learn voodoo and bring you back to life to kill you again.” Octavia adds.

“Don’t learn voodoo, O.” Bellamy sighs as Clarke and Octavia fist bump over him.

“Fine, I’ll learn voodoo. She can kill you.” Raven grins.

“When you three are on the same side you’re kind of terrifying.” Bellamy mutters.

“Man, you have no idea.” Lincoln tells him.

“Don’t do anything to get yourself hurt again and we won’t have a problem.” Clarke says seriously, before squeezing his hand.

“I’m injured aren’t you guys meant to be nice to me.” He huffs.

“How hard did you hit your head?” Roan teases grinning, “This is them being nice.”

“Hey!” The girls exclaim.

“We just care. It’s too soon for you to joke about getting hurt again. I only just got you back.” Clarke says quietly.

“I’m not going anywhere. I love you, you’re stuck with me.”

“Good.” Clarke smiles, brushing his hair back from his face.

“Ugh, you two are the worst.” Octavia moans but she’s grinning and Clarke laughs as she leans over a kisses Bellamy on the cheek as he flips off his sister with his good hand.

*****

The next day Clarke and Raven are sitting on a bench outside the hospital. Clarke had been reluctant to leave Bellamy’s side but Raven was insistent ( _‘seriously we haven’t seen natural light for days, I’m worried we’re going to get rickets’_ ).

“When do you have to go back?” Raven asks.

“Not sure. Soon I guess, Kane knows he’s awake so…” Clarke trails off with a shrug.

“What about you?” Clarke asks, “Surely the bureau can’t be happy with you taking so much time off.”

“The bureau and I are on the outs.” Raven shrugs.

“What?”

“They wouldn’t give me to time off to come down and see Bellamy despite the fact I have like a thousand and one holiday days saved up. So I kind of told them where they can shove it.”

“Raven!”

“I stand by it. My friends mean more to me than work, plus I’m awesome. I’ll find a job somewhere else if they won’t take me back.”

“You are awesome.” Clarke smiles nudging her with her shoulder, “and thank you for being here. I wouldn’t have coped without you.”

“Yeah you would. You might have murdered Roan and I’m still not certain you won’t kill Octavia, but you’d have coped.”

Clarke smiles and takes a drink of her coffee, grimacing slightly.

“I will not miss shitty hospital coffee.” She laughs.

“Me neither.” Raven agrees.

“I don’t want to leave him alone.” Clarke says quietly, after a beat.

“I know. But he’s not alone. The guys are on extended furlough, so they’ll be here, and so will I.”

“I guess.”

“What is it really?”

“I just don’t want him to feel like I’m not here for him, like I don’t care.” Clarke admits.

“He knows you care. Hell, aliens could come down with no understanding of human relationships and be able to see just by looking at you that you care.”

“It’s just been so long, you know.”

Raven nods, “can I ask what changed? I know you were still in love with him when we were in Virginia but you seemed pretty adamant that you didn’t want to try again.”

“Honestly? I thought I might lose him for good and everything else just seemed insignificant.”

“Fair enough. I was always rooting for ya.” Raven grins, throwing an arm around Clarke’s shoulder.

“You were so subtle, I never would’ve guessed.” Clarke laughs dryly.

“That’s me, Raven subtle Reyes.” She chuckles.

*****

“Hey guys, can I have a sec with Bellamy?” Clarke asks coming into his hospital room.

“Sure.” Raven says pausing the film they were watching.

Miller, Raven and Roan all stand and head out of the room.

Clarke closes the door behind them and makes her way over to sit on the edge of Bellamy’s bed.

He’s looking much better even after only a few days. He’s able to sit up slightly more, despite the crushed ribs and damaged leg, and his colour has come back. He’s still tired, can’t move until he starts physical therapy and is still in a lot of pain, but Clarke can see the progress.

“You have to go back to base.” He says when she sits down.

“I have to go back to base.” She confirms.

“When?”

“O-six-hundred tomorrow.”

“Shit, that soon?”

“It’s not like we didn’t know it was coming.” Clarke sighs.

“I know. I was just hoping if I ignored it then it would go away.” Bellamy admits wryly.

“Ah, yes, because that famously works so well with the army.”

“First time for everything.” He smirks.

“I think we’ve done pretty well all things considering. It’s been over a week and given that I’m not family or next of kin, Kane didn’t have to give me time off at all.”

“You are family.” Bellamy says fiercely, taking her hand.

“You know what I mean.” She smiles.

“My letter, it’s still addressed to you.” Bellamy says after a beat.

“What?”

“I’ve changed the contents over the years, of course, but it would still come to you. You are family to me Clarke, you’re the person I choose. That never stopped.”

“I love you.” Clarke whispers, leaning over and kissing him gently, resting her forehead on his.

“I love you too.”

Clarke pulls back, “mine is addressed to Wells.” She admits.

Bellamy huffs out a laugh, “that’s fair. Not your mom?”

“Didn’t think she could handle it.”

Bellamy nods.

“I’ve only got a few months left but I’ll change it to you if you want.” She smiles gently.

“No, keep it as Wells. Not sure I could handle it to be honest.” He admits shyly, ducking his head slightly.

“I’m not going anywhere Bellamy, you don’t have to worry.” Clarke tells him, squeezing his hand, “Well, technically I am going back to Virginia but only for a few more months. Then no more Private Griffin, just regular Clarke.”

“An art teacher in Vermont.” He grins, calling back to the first time they ever met.

“Something like that.” Clarke smirks.

Clarke curls next to him on the bed and the others come back in, they finish watching the movie.

“I didn’t see the first half an hour does that matter?” Clarke asked.

“It’s Fast and Furious fifty-something. Cars, Vin Diesel and The Rock, that’s it – that’s the entire plot.” Miller snorts.

Bellamy chuckles next to her as Clarke looks for something to throw but settles for glaring.

They spend the whole day together. Lincoln and Octavia join to watch another movie and by the time Bellamy has to get checked on evening rounds they’ve exhausted all of the Fast and Furious franchise they have the energy for.

“Do you guys ever leave?” Fox asks as she comes in to see Bellamy.

“In the day, but we stick around to see you.” Roan flirts as Raven rolls her eyes.

“Like vampires.” Fox chuckles.

“Don’t worry there’ll be one less tomorrow, I have to go back to work.” Clarke sighs.

“That’s a shame, you’re one of the ones I wanted to keep.” Fox grins at her.

“All good Bellamy. You guys know the rules, lights out in an hour.” Fox tells them leaving the room.

Everyone except Clarke starts to stand and she looks around confused.

“I love you Griffin, but I am not getting up at 5am to wave you off. We say bye now.” Raven says opening her arms for Clarke to walk in to.

“Bye.” She laughs, slightly watery.

Clarke hugs them all and tries not to cry. It feels like the end of something.

Octavia hugs her last. “I’m going to sleep out here tonight.”

She’d been sleeping in Bellamy’s room with Clarke for the past few nights.

“I’m really glad you’re here.” She says holding her tightly.

Clarke just nods, not trusting herself to speak.

“Did my sister make you cry?” Bellamy teases when they’ve all gone.

“No.” Clarke lies wiping her cheeks.

“Come here.” He laughs.

They hear the sound of the television going on in the annex.

“Fuck off Miller I am not watching ESPN Classics.”

“Ow. Fuck you Reyes.”

They chuckle as Clarke goes up next to Bellamy, shifting so she’s not leaning on him.

“You can put your weight on me you know. I won’t break.”

“You might.” She grumbles, but settles more into his good side. His good hand cards through her hair.

“I can’t believe I have to go back tomorrow.” She says softly.

“It will be like when we first met. Although this time I’m allowed to think about you naked.” He teases.

“Did that stop you the first time?”

“No, but I felt like a perv.” He admits with a small chuckle.

“I slept with you the first time I met you, I think all bets were off.”

He’s quiet for a while and Clarke thinks he’s sleeping. When he eventually speaks it’s so quiet she has to strain to hear.

“I’m so grateful you gave me another chance and will spend the rest of my life making it up to you.”

“Bellamy, I told you before, I’m all in. What happened, happened but I love you and I’m in this. I don’t need you to make it up to me, I need you to get better and come home to me.” She says sitting up slightly so she can look at him properly.

“Home to you. I like the sound of that.” He smiles softly looking at her with heavy eyes.

Clarke can see him starting to fall asleep so she clambers off the bed and gets onto the foldaway. He reaches down to hold her hand and when she wakes at five am, he’s still holding her hand.

*****

Clarke has been back on base in Virginia for a week and has settled into a routine again. Calls with Bellamy first thing in the morning and last thing at night help her feel connected to him, it’s not the same as being there but for now it works.

It’s Friday morning when she calls as usual but he doesn’t answer. Clarke tries not to worry, telling herself it’s normal, but when the phone rings through again on the third go, she panics and messages Raven.

 **Clarke:** _Are you guys with B?_  
_Tried calling but no answer_

Clarke waits five minutes that feel like fifty and calls again, when the phone gets answered she feels like her heart stops.

“Bellamy, what they hell. You can’t just not pick up.”

“Not Bellamy, Miller.”

“Is he ok? Miller, what’s going on?” Clarke asks, frantic.

“He’s fine, don’t worry. They’re moving him to the base rehab unit a day early so it’s chaos here. He’s been in with the physio for the last hour.”

“He wasn’t meant to go until Monday.” Clarke says, sitting on her bed.

“I know but a spot opened up early and they think he’s making good progress. It’s all good Clarke.”

“Hmmm.”

“I’ll get him to call you later.”

She hangs up and shakes her shoulders out. Telling herself this is normal, it’s just because she’s not there that it’s strange.

Clarke is distracted all day. She hadn’t realised just how much her morning conversations with Bellamy – finding out how he is, simply just hearing his voice – set the tone for her day.

After the earliest dinner she could manage Clarke heads back to her room. It’s not unusual for her to not socialise on base, but she normally manages to pretend for at least half an hour but tonight she just wants to speak to Bellamy.

“Hey.” She says grabbing the phone on its first ring.

“Did you have the phone in your hand?” he asks amused.

“Oh I’m sorry that I was anxious to hear from you.” Clarke snaps.

“Hey, come on, I was only teasing.”

Clarke huffs a huge sigh and rolls her neck.

“I know, I’m sorry. I just panicked when I didn’t speak to you this morning and I’ve been on edge ever since.”

“It’s ok. I’m sorry about this morning it was really sudden, but it’s good news I promise. I’m in this physical therapy rehab unit now and they reckon I’ll be able to go home in about ten days.”

“That’s amazing Bell, really.”

“My physio is a total sadist. Dr Tsing. It’s like she gets off on my pain.”

“Your physio is one of the best in the country, I know, I checked. If she’s hard on you it’s because you can take it.”

He chuckles down the line and Clarke can feel the tension in her lessen.

“I wish I was there.”

“Me too. But not long until you’re here right, another week?”

“Yep. Another week and then I get 36 whole hours with you.” Clarke grins.

“We can survive one more week.”

“I know. We used to go for months without seeing each other when we were first dating. How is this so much harder?”

“Maybe because I’m in hospital or could be the fact that we got back together because you thought I was going to die.”

“Well, when you put it like that…” she mutters.

“Bellamy, you know it’s not because I thought you were going to die right?” Clarke says after a beat.

“What’s not?”

“Us. Being together.”

“I mean yeah, but you have to admit that played a part.”

“Yes, but not like you think.”

He’s quiet so Clarke continues.

“It made me think about my world without you in it and I realised I didn’t want that world. I knew I still loved you. The only thing holding me back was trust, that I could trust you, that I wouldn’t get hurt again. But when I knew you were in danger none of that mattered. It was like I realised being without you would hurt whether we were together or not.”

“Clarke, I will spend our whole lives trying to prove you can trust me.” He says sincerely.

“You don’t need too. That’s the whole point. I realised I can trust you because I love you and want to trust you. That’s it. I want my life with you in it.”

“Me too.”

There’s a sigh down the line and then Bellamy groans, “God I wish we were in the same place, I want to kiss you so badly right now.”

“Soon.” Clarke laughs, “We’ve waited this long.”

“Waiting is overrated.’ He grumbles as Clarke chuckles into the phone.

*****

“So what’s this rehab place like?” Clarke asks Miller when he picks her up from the airport.

“It’s nice. We can’t stay on site anymore, but I think that’s probably for the best. So I’m on base with the guys, while Raven and Octavia have rented a place near by. I’ll take you there first and you can drop your stuff.”

“Thanks. How’s he doing? Really?”

“He’s good. The docs are all happy with him and he’s walking most of the time. Whatever damage the explosion did to his hip seems to be more muscle than bone, which apparently takes longer to repair but means he’s not in a cast.” Miller explains.

“Which you know, because you’re a doc.” He adds with a grin.

“Not quite, but one day.” She smiles.

“When are you guys back on active duty?” Clarke asks as they pull in to a nice tree-lined street.

“Soon. Next few days I think. We’re going to be based out of Benning for a while but I think that they’ll just put us in with whoever.”

“They’re breaking up Ark Unit?”

“More like putting it on hold. Blake can give you all the details but they thought it better to put us in with different squads than have someone come and try and lead us.”

“Hmm probably wise, but I don’t like the idea of you guys not being posted together.”

“Me neither. But until we’ve got him back Ark won’t feel like Ark anyway.”

Clarke drops her things in the apartment, barely glancing around before getting back into the car with Miller. She’s eager to see Bellamy and doesn’t really care where she’ll be sleeping.

She’s expecting to have to navigate the corridors of the center before she can see him but when they have parked Miller leads her to a central courtyard, and there sitting in the late spring sunshine with Raven and Roan is Bellamy.

He’s got his back to her, but Raven or Roan must alert him that she’s here because he turns his head around with a grin that makes her insides melt.

Clarke can see the crutches next to him and knows it will be slow for him to stand so instead hurries over to him quickly and before he has chance to do anything sits on the bench next to him and kisses him. One of his hands comes up to tangle in her hair and her hand goes to his cheek. He deepens the kiss and Clarke opens up for him. Before they can get too carried away, a cough breaks through.

“Keep going like that and we’ll have to charge a fee.” Raven smirks.

Clarke blushes and pulls away, but Bellamy smirks unrepentant, and leans in to kiss Clarke again. They pull apart because Miller throws a balled-up napkin at them, which makes Clarke laugh. But she doesn’t go far, just curls in next to him.

“I have not seen my girlfriend for weeks, real friends would give us privacy.” Bellamy huffs.

“Real friends would remind you that you probably shouldn’t get it on at physical rehab.” Miller snarks.

“I nearly died dude, where’s the love?”

“Clarke looks like she’s got that covered for all of us.” Raven smirks, “Plus how long are you going to keep playing the you-nearly-died card for. It’s been a month.”

“I reckon I’ve got at least six more months out of this.” Bellamy grins.

Raven rolls her eyes but grins at Clarke.

“Because we are actually decent friends, we’ll go and get food for lunch, give you crazy kids some privacy.”

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” Roan laughs.

“That leaves us with so much.” Clarke grins at him.

“Remember you’re in a hospital unit. People are trying to recover.” Miller says sarcastically putting extra emphasis on the word recover.

When they’ve gone Bellamy turns to face Clarke again and leans in, mumbling, “I’ve missed you,” before capturing her lips again.

Clarke sighs into the kiss before pulling back.

“They’re right, we shouldn’t get carried away.”

“What if I want to?” He mutters, kissing down her neck.

Clarke moans softly before pushing him away gently.

“Bellamy.” She admonishes, “if you can’t be trusted I’ll sit on the other side of the table.”

“No, stay. I’ll be good. I’ve just really fucking missed you.”

“It’s only been a few weeks.” She laughs.

“I didn’t mean just now.”

“Oh. I’ve missed you too Bell.” She says kissing him chastely.

“But, tell me, how are you? Miller says you’re doing good.”

Bellamy shrugs but eventually tells Clarke how his treatment is going and how impressed they are with him.

“They think I’ll be ok to head back home in another week or so.”

“That’s amazing.” Clarke smiles.

He ducks his head with a small smile but Clarke knows how important this is.

“Bellamy, to go through what you’ve been through and to be able to get home in a month is amazing. You’re pretty fucking special, you know.”

Bellamy smiles at her so softly that this time Clarke leans in to kiss him. She means for it to be soft, loving, but they get carried away and she pulls herself closer to him.

“Seriously. Did you spend the entire time we were gone making out like teenagers.” Miller snarks.

“Not the entire time.” Clarke grins at him, when she pulls away from Bellamy.

He rolls his eyes and thrusts a bag of food at her in response.

They all sit down and unpack the takeout they’ve ordered. If it wasn’t for the people in various stages of injury all around them and the crutches by Bellamy’s side Clarke thinks it could pass for a normal lunch with friends.

“Where’s Octavia?” Clarke asks when they’re almost finished.

“Texas. She’s at school, finishing up her last few credits for the semester.”

“Lincoln’s with her for moral support.” Raven adds with a leer.

“Can we not.”

“You’re not still salty about her and Lincoln are you?” Clarke asks Bellamy.

“No. But I still think he’s too old for her.”

Clarke opens her mouth to respond.

“Even though I know he’s a good guy and she’s happy and it’s none of my business.” Bellamy says like he’s rehearsed it.

“Think about it this way… of all the guys in your unit would you rather she was dating Lincoln or one of those two.” Clarke says pointing at Miller and Roan.

“I’m gay, so I’m out.”

“And I’m taken.” Roan grins putting an arm around Raven, who rolls her eyes fondly.

“Dude, Lincoln is definitely the better option than a gay guy or Roan.” Raven laughs.

“Ouch, and from my own girlfriend no less.”

They all laugh at Roan’s indignant look and Bellamy concedes that yes, maybe, Lincoln isn’t such a bad option.

“All this Octavia school talk reminds me,” Miller starts when they’ve finished their food, “Monty said he’s got some leave mid-September and was thinking of a California road trip with Jasper – which sounds like a terrible idea, by the way – but he wondered if you’d already be at Stanford then.”

Clarke and Bellamy have stayed pretty entwined even while they were eating so she feels when he stiffens next to her, she just isn’t sure if it’s because he felt her tense up first.

“Stanford?” He asks in a deliberately even tone.

“Uh, yeah, I got in to do pre-med there. For when I’m done with the army.” Clarke replies matching his tone.

“So, in a couple of months then?” He asks low.

“I’m going to-”

“Me too.”

“I’ll help.”

Raven, Roan and Miller say over the top of one another, jumbling their words and almost tripping in their haste to get away from the table.

When it’s just the two of them Clarke turns to look at Bellamy who is purposely looking down at his hands.

“Bell…”

“Why does it seem like everyone knew about Stanford except me?” He asks.

“Uh, because they probably did but it’s not what you think.”

“It’s not? Because it seems like there’s a huge thing happening in your life and you weren’t telling me.” Bellamy says hurt.

“That’s true but not for the reasons you think.” Clarke tries.

He frowns up at her disbelieving but she continues.

“I did have a place at Stanford for fall admission to study pre-med. It was all sorted before you and I got back together, before I was even asked to go on that fucking mission with you guys.”

“And when we did get back together you didn’t think it was relevant to tell me you’re going to be on the other side of the country.” He snaps sarcastically.

“No.”

“No? What the fuck, Clarke?”

“Because I’m not going to be on the other side of the country. I was going to tell you this weekend.” She huffs.

She turns away from him and grabs a brochure out of her bag slapping it down on the wooden table in front of him.

“Look.”

Bellamy scowls at her before looking down at the brochure.

“Duke?”

“That’s right.”

“Duke as in... Duke University.” Bellamy says picking up the brochure.

“Yep, Duke University in Durham, North Carolina, that Duke.” Clarke mocks.

He frowns at her again as he starts flipping through the pages.

“Yes, I got into Stanford and yes, I accepted a place there because it’s one of the best schools in the country for pre-med and really fucking far away from my mother and the army, which were my main criteria. But then, you got hurt and we got back together and I realised I didn’t want to be on the other side of the country.”

Clarke takes Bellamy’s hands in hers.

“I wanted to be with you Bell, but I didn’t want to say anything until I was sure and I wasn’t sure until they confirmed it yesterday.”

“You got in.”

“I did. I got in before so they knew I had the grades but it took some heavy leaning on the army credentials, some strong-arming and a visit with my mother who wore her Chanel suit, and a promise to work my ass off to convince them. But yeah, I got in.”

Bellamy’s still frowning and is silent.

“You need to give me something to work with here,” she says worrying her lip, “is this a good silence, a bad silence?”

“I can’t believe you did that.” He says eventually.

“I thought you’d be pleased.” Clarke says quietly.

“Pleased? Fuck, Clarke I’m ecstatic.”

“You are?”

“Yes, god, sorry, yes. I am over the fucking moon.” He grins at her.

“Lead with that next time.” Clarke exhales dropping her forehead onto his chest.

“I’m sorry.” He replies wrapping his arms around her.

“I was just surprised. No one has ever changed their life for me like that before.”

“It’s hardly a sacrifice. It’s still a good school and it’s like an hour away from your base, rather than two days.” She smiles up at him.

“I might not be on base.”

“Maybe not. But Octavia said home was North Carolina and I figured you’d still want to be around for her, so either way, for the next four years it’s home.”

“I like the sound of that.”

“Me too.” Clarke smiles, kissing him softly.

“We should probably let them know it’s safe to come back now.” Clarke grins, peeking over to where Miller, Roan and Raven are standing, pretending they aren’t watching them.

“Let them figure it out.” He grins, kissing her forehead and pulling her towards him, “Tell me more about Duke. What are your classes? Are you going to get the full college experience and do jell-o shots until you pass out.”

*****

_Eight months later_

“Why are you freaking out? You literally see these people all the time.” Clarke laughs from her perch in the kitchen.

“It’s Christmas, Clarke. It’s tradition to freak out, which for the record, I am not doing.”

“Mmm hmm.”

“If you’re just going to sit in judgement can you go and annoy my sister in the other room instead.” Bellamy huffs, from in front of the hob where he’s checking on the ham for the fifth time.

“But I like helping you in the kitchen.” Clarke whines.

“Heckling is not helping.” Bellamy laughs, leaning over and kissing her quickly, before taking a swig of her wine.

“Hey!”

“Chef’s privilege. Don’t want me to steal your wine, go heckle somewhere else.”

Clarke hops down from the stool with a smile and grabs her wine.

“Fine, I’ll go help Octavia.”

Clarke walks along the narrow corridor towards the front room. In the six months they’ve lived in the house they’re finally starting to feel like they’ve made it their own. It’s an old house that need work, but both Clarke and Bellamy fell in love with it instantly, and with three bedrooms it’s big enough for Octavia to have her own room and for them to expand in the future, maybe.

Bellamy left the army around the same time that Clarke started Duke. The two things weren’t as connected as most people seemed to think. After his accident he’d lost his passion for it, the reality of the danger was too close now. But the army weren’t happy to see him go, General Jaha made an in-person plea, which left Clarke and Wells in hysterics and Bellamy stunned. But even a five-star general wasn’t enough.

“Hey.” Clarke smiles at Octavia, flopping down next to her on the couch.

“My brother still freaking out?”

“Oh yeah. He’s like Martha Stewart mixed with the hot chef one from Queer Eye.”

“Antoni.” Miller says coming into the room.

“I didn’t know you were here.” Clarke says rising to hug him.

“I’m basically always here.” He smirks.

To no ones surprise Miller decided to leave the army when Bellamy did (‘ _It’s not the same without him’_ ), what was more surprising was that he decided to stay in North Carolina, and has since set up a construction business with Bellamy.

“Bell’s in the kitchen freaking out.” Octavia says lazily.

“No I’m not. I’m here, not freaking out.” Bellamy grins and hands Miller a beer.

“Where’s Monty?” Clarke asks.

“Not getting in until tomorrow morning.” Miller shrugs.

“Lucky you’ve got us then.” Octavia grins.

Monty decided not to reenlist next year. A decision that Clarke thinks is partly to do with seeing how well everyone is doing post-army but also, him and Miller are a thing (privately for now, only around close friends) but Clarke thinks the strain of being away is too much.

“Is this big Christmas Eve thing something that happened when you turned up?” Clarke asks Octavia.

It’s easier now, to talk about the time Octavia was there and Clarke wasn’t. It doesn’t hurt anymore, not in the same way. Now Clarke is just sad that she missed so much, that they couldn’t find their way back sooner.

“Nope. After the first year he was pretty much always working.”

“I can hear you, you know.” Bellamy grouches.

“So explain then.” Clarke teases tilting her head up to look at him.

“This is the first year we’re all here.” He shrugs, but Clarke can see the tips of his ears reddening, “Roan and Lincoln have miraculously got the time off, we’re all civs now and I wanted to do something nice.”

“It is nice. We’re just assholes.” Miller tells him.

Clarke snorts and grins up at Bellamy who is scowling at Miller.

The bell goes and Octavia jumps off the couch, “that will be Lincoln with the others.”

“I’ll get the booze.” Clarke smiles, standing up.

“I’ll go. That way I’ll feel like I’ve been useful and won’t have to help later.” Miller says heading towards the kitchen.

“You’re amazing Bellamy Blake.” Clarke says, stepping in between his legs and winding her arms around his neck.

“Is that so?”

“Yep. I just wanted you to know that. What you’re doing for everyone tonight is above and beyond and I love you.”

“You’re not too bad yourself.” Bellamy grins leaning in to capture her lips with his.

Of course, that is the moment the others come back in.

“Seriously? Do you ever stop kissing? It can’t be good for you.” Raven deadpans.

“Hello to you too.” Clarke grins unwrapping herself from Bellamy and going over to hug her friends.

“How’s Nasa?” Clarke asks hugging Raven.

“Fucking awesome.” Raven replies squeezing her back tightly.

“You know you always say that.” Clarke laughs.

“It’s Nasa Griffin, it’s always going to be fucking awesome.”

“How’s the army?” Clarke asks Roan after she’s hugged him and Lincoln.

“Fucking awesome.” He deadpans, and they all laugh.

“The tree looks epic.” Raven says when they’re all settled with drinks, “it is like properly festive in here.”

“That was Octavia.” Bellamy says fond.

“And when are we eating, something smells amazing.” Lincoln sighs, leaning back against Octavia’s legs.

“Soon.” Bellamy tells them.

“He’s been cooking up a storm all day. I woke up to the smell of cookies baking, it was heavenly.” Clarke says smiling proudly at Bellamy.

“So Octavia decorated, Bellamy cooked. What’s your contribution medic?”

“Not a medic anymore.” Clarke fires back automatic.

“Yeah, yeah. Don’t change the subject, what have you brought to the party?” Roan asks.

“I’ve tried to buy you all with ridiculously ostentatious gifts.” She smirks gesturing to the large pile of presents under the tree.

“Sweet.” Roan grins holding his hand up for a high five.

“Ah yes, the true meaning of Christmas – capitalism.” Lincoln says dry.

Clarke laughs along with the others. It’s true she did spend a lot of money but only because she has a lot and because she loves buying presents and it is more than that, Bellamy isn’t the only one who wants to make the evening special. To celebrate their first Christmas, all together. For every store bought gift, Clarke made something or sought out something special and unique too.

They spend the evening the way they all spend most of their time together – eating, drinking and trash talking each other. Clarke is coming back from the kitchen after clearing the plates and sees everyone bathed in the light from the thousands of ribbons of fairy lights that Octavia has strung up and she is hit with an almost overwhelming feeling of happiness. These are her people, she loves them and is loved by them.

Bellamy catches her eye as she hovers in the doorway. He quirks an eyebrow at her and she grins back coming into the room and curling in by his side.

*****

Bellamy has spent the past six months since they got back together hedging around the conversation of marriage again – it doesn’t matter to her, she knows this is it, but it matters to him. Each time she’s ignored it or changed the subject, asked for more time. But not this time.

They’re in bed, the house is still quiet but the early morning light is streaming through the windows and Clarke can’t wait anymore.

“Hey.” Clarke whispers, nudging him in the ribs, “Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas,” he grins sleepily, “you’re awake early.”

“Well, Santa’s been.” She grins throwing an envelope at him.

He smirks and sits up, about to open it.

“Wait. Before you open it, ask me again.”

“Huh?”

“Ask me again.”

He pauses, hesitant as if it’s all a trick but she’s smiling at him as open and honest as she knows how.

“Marry me?”

“Yes. Now open your present.” She grins.

Bellamy is looking throughouly shell-shocked and Clarke can’t help chuckling to herself as he keeps looking between the envelope he’s gingerly opening and her.

“It’s a save the date.”

She nods.

“Save the date for the marriage of Bellamy Blake and Clarke Griffin. 26th December.” He reads.

Clarke waits.

“As in tomorrow?”

“As in tomorrow. If you still wanna of course.”

Bellamy’s face is still confused for a split second before it cracks open into a wide grin and he tackles Clarke down on the bed, kissing her all over as she giggles.

“You sure? You want this?”

“I’m totally and completely sure. I love you and I want to spend my life with you.”

“That sounds perfect.” He sighs leaning down and kissing her softly.

 

_**Fin.** _

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this ended up less Our Girl AU and more Army AU in the end but I just couldn’t do to Bellamy what they did to Elvis (still not over that ending, damn BBC)
> 
> Also, I have no idea where the notebook interlude in the middle came from, I just needed a place that only Clarke and Bellamy knew about and apparently I have houses on the brain!
> 
> I might do some timestamps/other povs at some point but for now, this is where we end. 
> 
> So... thoughts?


End file.
